When we resource ourselves, we support ourselves, we actually then have the capacity, we have the mind, the wherewithal to be able to figure out how we can then support and help other people. Then we are benefiting the global cause.

It is possible to embody those parts of yourself that you thought were lost, that are so far in the past that you wonder, will I ever be like that version of myself again? Yes, you can be if you want to be. Yes, there are ways to be that and to be who you are today and to allow them to blend together in this beautiful way.

We think that taking things into our own hands, we think that controlling will be a means of feeling safer, will be a means of getting the end result we want, but we really don't have control over any part of our life.

Having to keep it all together when I felt like crumbling. Taking it all on when other people weren't asking that of me. They were willing to take part of it off my plate but I wouldn't let him. I actually couldn't even see it.

As painful and as challenging as it is to feel the grief, it is necessary to moving through it. Within that grief is heartache and disappointment. It's anger and sadness. And that may be uncomfortable, but friend, I invite you to feel it. You don't have to feel it alone.

In many homes the full range of emotions are not tolerated. And certainly it's not modeled in knowing how to feel, what to do with our feelings, how to repair when there's a damage to the relationship.

I didn't want to disappoint. I didn't want to cause somebody discomfort. It crushed my heart to see someone disappointed because of my actions. Now I know that they're responsible for theirs and I'm responsible for mine. And what I do doesn't need to determine how they feel.

It’s very natural that we're gonna look at the caregivers, the parental figures we had, and in many ways we're gonna model them. We're gonna look up to them with respect and admiration, no matter whether they deserved it or not. And we're going to create a life that mirrors the one that we saw, the one that we experience, the one that we heard about.

I've done this complete turnaround where now I say, all right, I'm actually gonna slow down to be able to notice what I'm feeling and sit with the discomfort of it. I'm going to slow down the pace of my life so that I'm not depleted and exhausted. I'm going to live in a way that not just gives my children choice, but gives me choice.

So like I mentioned before, messy is kind of the norm for what we're talking about here. Like you don't grow without a level of chaos, a level of difficulty, a level of pain. So it doesn't mean it's always that way and things don't transition, but you have to expect that. Even if it's just mistakes, like I mentioned before. So I feel like relationships have at times been more difficult and then at times been 10 times better.

I love you bringing up this idea that we engage with the voice of critic because we open ourselves up to understanding more about us instead of just shutting it down because we're afraid of it or because of all the other reasons. I just, I could feel that so deeply when you bring in that element. And I do think there's a key there. 

Dysregulation to me sounds like when you can't focus and you're not in control of yourself and something else is in control of you and you can't handle anything well. You're not focused.

We all deserve to get to talk about how it is for us living our life, how it is for us, managing our emotions throughout our days. This is not an easy thing to do. 

When it comes to conscious parenting and faith practices, I think it's really important that we allow ourselves to have permission to do it differently than our parents or the others that we respect are doing. It's easy to compare. It's easy to allow judgment to come in the way.

Really, this is a moment to reflect on this idea that when we're told, listen and do without question. We lose our autonomy. We give up our own individuality, our personalities. We stop using the mind we were given in the fullness of what we could be using it for.

And the healing journey infiltrates all areas of our life. So your faith is simply another area of your life. And it of course makes sense that you're going to have to reflect and consider, if you're like myself, do a bit of deconstruction around that. Because it's another facet of your life. So authenticity must start at home, in private, before you're going to be able to comfortably practice being authentic in a public space.

I am so happy to be here with you today, and thank you for choosing to spend time with me. Whether you're here because Empowered to Thrive is a podcast that you listen to, or you're here because healing from religious trauma is something that's very relevant to you, I'm glad to be with you, and I welcome all of you. So we are going to embark a little bit on my own story, if you're not familiar with it, and if you are familiar, you've been here along the way as I've shared parts of it, then you're going to get to hear an update, because it's been about a year since I've last talked on my deconstruction, and intuitively, it felt time for that subject again.

[…] what we're going through is just temporary. It's seasonal. It's going to pass, but sometimes those, you know, the breaths in between the passing go for days and miles and, you know, it could feel exhausting.  And while we're mindful of that, it's just now slowing down. It's not about trying to push or drive, but it's about taking it one day at a time. And in that one day at a time allows for us to grieve and handle each daily capacity for what it is, without trying to feel like we have to stretch beyond. 

It can be very difficult if you're in a place where you really dislike who you are. And there's many things you're unhappy about, and there's many things that you shame yourself about. It can be hard to practice self-compassion. Because it's not easy to be kind if we're used to bullying our Self. But we can learn it. We can grow in this. And I say that because I know. I remember how it was to look in the mirror and to dislike myself. To have a lot of disgust for my body. For the way I showed up. For the way I acted or interacted, and now I know what it's like to like the reflection of what I see. To like the version of me at all different sorts of stages.

So take, for example, those times when you do get triggered, when you're like, everything seemed like it was going fine and all of a sudden, it felt like out of nowhere, I had a huge reaction. I got super scared, or I started to yell. I became angry or irritable. Well, there is a reason for that as we get curious sometimes we’re able to understand a little bit more what going on below the surface, and sometimes it’s in those moments that our inner child is actually showing up and trying to communicate with us.