How to balance self-care and compassion in times of crisis

[Intro] Hello, and welcome to my podcast, Empowered to Thrive. I'm your host, Corinne Powell, and I'm the owner of Change Radically. 

In this space, we'll talk all things inner wellness, and parenting will certainly come up too, because I'm a mom to four kids, so parenting is a huge part of my life. This space is designed for safety. Your inner child is welcome. Your past self is invited to listen as well. 

And no matter what type of day you're having, I want you to know I'm glad to be with you. I live out of vulnerability and transparency, so come and be. Be yourself. Be messy. Invite a friend, and please stay a while. Keep coming back. I want you around. Now, let's jump into today's episode. 

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Corinne Powell (01:01)

Hello friends, I am so happy to be here with you today. Let's just take a deep breath. Let's allow ourselves to inhale and exhale and receive peace in this moment where chaos surrounds us. I don't know about you, but in my world, it has been very stressful and chaotic and heavy lately. It's been that way with my children. It's been that way internally. I have a friend who is in her final days. I have heard about other acquaintances who have lost multiple family members recently. 

I am well aware of the wars going on around us and there is so much tragedy, so much trauma and if we aren't mindful, we can not only become overwhelmed by it, but it can cause us to not be able to function. And that's what I want to talk about today. How do we support ourselves and still benefit the world around us, even while there is going on so much that deserves our attention and our support and our heart, deserves our empathy. But what to do when you're so empathetic that you start to carry the weight of everyone else's pain. You and I have our own pain to carry. Then we have...the pain of our immediate family. Say you're a parent. Your children deserve your support. They deserve your empathy, your attunement with them. That means that you're going to be feeling a lot of their stuff and rightfully so. But even in that, it's not your stuff, it's their stuff. 

Then you have your friends going through whatever hardships and difficulties they're going through. And likewise, there's an element of deserving in a friendship, deserving of someone's support, of their empathy, of their care. And yet, we still need to hold space for the idea that their stuff, their pain, is their own. It's not yours. So you touch in with it.

But then when you come out of it, what do you do? How do you navigate life still caring for them, but not carrying everything that is theirs? Because remember, you have a bundle of your own pain, your own trauma, your own heartache that you're responsible, you're carrying. And then we have the world at large and the trauma and the heartbreak of what's going on at large. And those friends, those acquaintances, those that we have no deep connection with, those strangers also deserve our heart. They deserve our empathy, our support. What resource do we have to support them? And when I say resource there's so much. Resources are not simply financial or time-related, they're also emotional.

When I resource myself, I'm energizing myself and that's through multiple means. It might be through utilizing supportive tools to regulate myself, whether that's breath work or movement or brain work. There's also the idea that I can resource myself by spending time with a friend.

There are numerous ways and a part of it's really practical. Sometimes we're depleted of nutrients and we literally need to resource ourselves in that way. And some of it is much more ethereal. But today's conversation is meant to be a moment and a space for you to know that in the midst of everything that is going on around you and around us at large, that you do not, and I do not, have capacity, responsibility to always be touching in with the pain of others and carrying the pain of others. It will not be sustainable.

I’m not saying that we should not be supportive and helpful, empathetic and caring. We should, we should be all of those things. We should be supportive. We should be helpful. We should be empathetic. We should be caring. What I am saying is we do not have capacity to carry our own pain, our own trauma, our own heartache, and the pain, the trauma, and the heartache for everybody around us and at large. 

Because of social media, because of the news media outlet in general, we are inundated by the pain and the tragedy of what is going on. Constantly. Sometimes it feels heightened, it never stops. It's always there in one form or another. There's always something going on. And it is up to us individually to decide how much we will consume and what we will do with what we consume.

It can be very hard when you feel powerless to help and you're trying to figure out how can I help support this friend, this family member, this cause at large.

It can be a very uncomfortable place and feeling to think I can't help, I can't do anything. And for some of us, what we're gonna do is gonna look different than for others of us. Your passions might be different than mine. Likely they are in some ways. I'm passionate to help people recognize that trauma is experienced in many different forms. The traumas that… are the small t traumas. Think about the child at home who is not emotionally attuned to. They're not noticed and recognized in their emotional states. So they feel their sadness and their heartache alone. They feel their disappointment and their shame alone. They don't have a parental figure in that space with them saying, I understand, I hear you, that sounds really heavy. That sounds really uncomfortable and really hard.

Listening, offering them a hug, offering them a loving arm around their shoulder, a safe space to turn to. When we do not have that, it impacts us deeply. And that deep impact is lasting. And that is why sometimes that the inner world of grown adults, is very destructive. Consider the person that decides to commit suicide. Their inner world is tormenting them. Now it can also be their external world.

We all deserve loving support that meets us in our emotional states, sits with us, and helps us to understand, not through words always, as much as just being there, helps us to understand that we are not alone. That help is close by and that is something I'm passionate about. I'm passionate about helping people to understand and have tools to be able to connect not only with other people, but with also themselves, their inner child. To feel dysregulated, to feel as if you're unsafe is a very tumultuous place to be. Whether you're safe or not, when you feel in your body that you are unsafe,

It can be very tumultuous and very overwhelming, frightening, and that feeling of agitation in the bod. yAnd at the same time, to be able to know no matter what's going on around you or within you, that help is close by, that there is a supportive person who will listen or who will offer you that warm embrace. Physical touch is so important that makes a tremendous difference. 

So going back to what I was saying, there are those of us passionate about different causes. And I'm here reminding us that in the middle of all that we consume, in the middle of all the heartache and the pain that is going on, around us, we need to be vigilant to also support ourselves. Because if we consume and carry the weight and the pain and the heartache of all the people we come in contact with we will not be able to support ourselves and those closest to us, say if you have children. In that we contribute to the global need. When we resource ourselves, we support ourselves, we actually then have the capacity, we have the mind, the wherewithal to be able to figure out how we can then support and help other people. Then we are benefiting the global cause.

That idea of putting on your oxygen mask first before you help your child, as we're told every time we take a flight somewhere, feels wrong in some regards. But the concept is so important to remember that if I help my little child and I don't put my own oxygen mask they will not be able to help themselves if I am not there for them. So I put my mask on and then I'm able to actually be there for them. And it might feel contradictory. And I actually think the analogy though relates to the larger topic I'm speaking on. That in order to help others, in order to actually keep our heart space open, to be kind and empathetic and caring for others in an emotional way and in a practical way, we have to actually have something to offer them.

If I am so depleted, if I am depressed, if I am overwhelmed by all that I'm taking in, by all that I'm hearing, that all I want to do is curl up in my bed, that all I can do is yell and scream at my kids because I can't function, because I don't have it in me, because I'm so overwhelmed. Then have I really benefited society? Have I really helped in the way that I wanted? No, because I didn't take care of myself first.

And as you hear the emotion in my voice, it's because this message is very heartfelt. I've had to sit with this idea over the years. There have been so many times I've been inundated by the heartache of what I see when I observe a parent interacting with their child in a way that is so detrimental and so traumatic and I feel helpless and it crushes my heart to see it. And then I hear through social media, through the news, through word of mouth about the heartache and the tragedy and the experiences that the people around me or the world at large are going through and my heart breaks again.

And even when I choose movies, I have to intentionally choose movies that are lighthearted that bring comedy into them because I am taking in other heaviness through other ways all the time. And for those of you like me that feel deeply, that are extremely empathetic, we have to be aware to ensure that we're not carrying the heartache of everyone else. That is not our responsibility. It's not our job. It is our responsibility to care. It is our responsibility to help in the ways we can. And it can feel powerless to come to terms with the idea that I can't make it all better. But it's truly an empowering space to be, to know that I don't have to feel the pressure of needing to make it all better.

I want to share with you what I do in order to continue to be able to be empathetic and feel the pain of others and see what others are going through, but yet not carry it. It's a way for me to move the energy from the emotions I feel in me and through me. And so for example, if I'm watching a movie, and again, I told you, I choose movies that are lighthearted, but even so, there's still going to be the real life traumas and tragedies show up in movies sometimes, because it's life. It still is there, a part of it.

It's just not the whole theme of the movie. And I'll start speaking to the character on the screen. I do this again when I come in contact with stories I hear or people I observe from a distance. I allow my heart to connect with their heart. And I feel the pain that they're feeling, or the pain they don't even know they're feeling. And I say, I'm so sorry.  I'm so sorry for how you're being treated. Or I'm so sorry for the heartache you're experiencing. I wish it wasn't that way. You don't deserve this. No one deserves to go through what you're going through You are loved. May your heart know how loved you are. 

And friends, it varies what I say based off of what I'm seeing or what I'm feeling or what I'm sensing. And for some of you, you might say, that doesn't make a difference. But because I believe the spiritual world is real, I believe my spirit is connected to their spirit. I believe in a connection with those that have already passed and...I believe in that. So because I believe in that, of course I'm going to connect with people in this way. You don't have to agree with it, but what I want to bring up is that it helps me to just discharge some of the emotional energy I'm feeling because I'm actually able to attune to this person, but then to not bottle it up and hold it, to actually allow my heart to express what it wishes that person could hear and know and feel. And the practice of that wasn't something I intentionally did or that I intentionally started, but I've recognized that it has become a practice. It is something I regularly do. I don't try to do it. My heart feels so much. My heart connects deeply with people very easily. And I'm an empath and I'm an intuitive person. I feel a lot. 

And it's a way for me to not shut my heart off, for me to not become callous and unfeeling, and for me also to not carry the weight and the pain of what I observe and what that person might be going through. So I just notice what I'm feeling and allow my heart to speak it out. And I allow my body to feel it. And then yes, most of the times there are tears. Most of the time that's another way that I'm releasing the energy from the emotions that I'm feeling. Sometimes there's anger but oftentimes it's connecting with this deep sense of sadness that I recognize I'm feeling as I observe whatever's going on. So as I wrap up this episode, anyone that needs to hear this.

We're not meant to carry the weight of the world. We're not meant to carry the weight of all the trauma and all the tragedy that we come in contact with. You carry your own and hopefully you're able to do the inner work and release even the weight of the traumas that you carry. And then you connect with others lovingly and empathetically. And you offer them your heart while you're with them and maybe other resources, and they're better off for having been able to connect with you. But as you leave them, you don't carry all their heartache with you. If you're a visual person like I am, it can be helpful to visualize heartache as a backpack. Maybe they're carrying it and then you have your heartache as a backpack. 

And as you're on the healing journey, your backpack is getting lighter, as you're healing your inner child, as you're connecting with other people who actually genuinely care, and you're starting to heal by experiencing relationships that you can co -regulate in, by connecting with people that are attuned to you, and you're learning how to resource yourself and support yourself, and so your backpack's getting lighter. Now, when you're with the other person, and they're with you, through that connection with you, through you noticing them, feeling with them, offering them your heart, perhaps a hug, whatever it might be, their backpack is actually getting a little bit lighter because of that connection with you, because of that connection with love. My goal is to embody love.

And then through this experience we're healing and they're experiencing healing and the weight of the backpacks is lessening. But remember, theirs is always theirs. Yours is always yours. It doesn't mean you can't carry it for a bit while you're walking with them. But the goal isn't for you to then walk on with their backpack of heartache. That was never the goal. And when you hand it back to them, we hope it's a little bit lighter. I believe it would be simply from that interaction with you, from that support, from that connection.

I'll wrap it up. Thank you I’m so glad that you allow your heart to feel deeply. The world is better off because you do. And remember. You deserve to have that same support that you're offering others. You deserve to have people listening to connecting deeply with you and sometimes helping to carry your backpack.

[Group Program] I also want to let you know that doors are open for the summer session of Deepen. Deepen is the group program that I host four times a year. In the summer session, we're going to be focusing on these three topics: How to put your boundaries in place, which will go right alongside of what we were talking about today, learning how to slow down your pace and create space for rest, and how to let your authentic self flourish.

If you're interested in learning and growing in any of those three areas, I would love to have you join. There are only 10 spots available, so if you're interested to save yourself a spot, you can link through the show notes, or you can go to my website, changeradically.com. I hope to see you there.

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[Ending] Here we are. We've come to the end of another episode. Sit back and reflect on what you heard. What's the one thing that resonates with you that you can take away and do something with? Let's not just listen. Let's listen and take action. Now action may look very different for us. But it's not. But it's doing something with what we hear. 

I hope that you'll share today's episode with a friend that you think would also enjoy it. And please come back next week. I hope that you have a fabulous week and that you remember when you pillow your head at night, when you're going through your days, that who you are is good. And I'm glad that you're alive.