How to reinvent yourself with Rachel Brooks
[Intro] Hello, and welcome to my podcast, Empowered to Thrive. I'm your host, Corinne Powell, and I'm the owner of Change Radically.
In this space, we'll talk all things inner wellness, and parenting will certainly come up too, because I'm a mom to four kids, so parenting is a huge part of my life.
This space is designed for safety. Your inner child is welcome. Your past self is invited to listen as well. And no matter what type of day you're having, I want you to know I'm glad to be with you.
I live out of vulnerability and transparency, so come and be. Be yourself. Be messy. Invite a friend, and please stay a while.
Keep coming back. I want you around. Now, let's jump into today's episode.
Corinne Powell: I am honored and excited to have Rachel Brooks back on the show with me again. If you didn't get to hear the episode the last time Rachel was on, I am going to mention that at the end, and it's worth taking time to listen to. But before we jump into it all, let me introduce you to Rachel.
Rachel Brooks is an award-winning author, an entrepreneur, and a podcast host. She's a leading voice in women's empowerment.
Through her work, she guides women on a transformative journey of self-discovery, helping them break free from limiting beliefs, cultivate self-love and embrace their authentic selves.
Rachel's commitment to empowering women stems from her own remarkable journey of self-transformation, overcoming self-doubt and perfectionism. That's what we talked about the last time we chatted.
Her inspiring story is beautifully captured in her book, Chasing Perfection, a journey to healing, fitness, and self-love, which resonates with women worldwide.
As the founder of The Confident Woman, a lifestyle and media brand, The Confident Woman Collective, a supportive community for women, and I Am Athletics, an apparel brand that empowers women to own who they truly are.
Rachel has created a thriving ecosystem where women connect, uplift, and inspire each other to become their best and most confident selves. Through her journey, she has inspired and empowered women to live a life full of passion, freedom, and purpose. And we are going to be talking about this today.
You are going to feel the collective release as we sit and talk together about how things are not always going to feel easy. Things are not always going to be high vibe. And yet, we are in it together.
So let's get to it. Rachel, I am so glad to have you here again. Thanks for being with us. As far as redefining who we are, what does that mean to you?
Rachel Brooks: I think for me, it's giving the opportunity to have a clean slate, to create something new. It's like a blank canvas, a blank page, right? So it's an opportunity for us to really dive deep and explore kind of the intricacies of who we are. And that, I believe, is a gateway to open up for reinvention. A rediscovery and a reconnection with oneself.
Corinne Powell: Yeah. I love the picture of the clean slate because, as you said that, I immediately thought in that we're totally removing what society, our parental figures, all the different people and voices in our life, what they've said of us. We're actually like discovering it. And I could feel the exhale, as you said, like just that clean slate.
Rachel Brooks: Yes. Yeah, exactly. And I think it's funny that you can feel that because I think we're all kind of feeling some sort of change stirring up inside of us. And it's sometimes that feeling, it could feel like this tension or resistance. And the more we continue to push through it, we're not really addressing what it is and sometimes it's that soul's calling of like, listen, we need to change things up a bit. What does that look like? What does that feel like? What could be possible? So instead of us as just like drivers to plow through what we feel, it's acknowledging it and accepting where we're at today so we can create something different in the future.
Corinne Powell: Yeah, the acceptence. It feels like counterintuitive to accept when you're like, oh, but I want to become something different. I want to change things.
But truly, you're right, like that acceptance is the pathway to being able to then rediscover because I feel like it's…, lately I've been focused on the topic of grief and just feeling actually like there's the collective grieving going on. And with grief we have to be able to be willing to go through the grieving process in order to come out of it and not be like all better, but to be able to actually like fall into the place that's next because grief is a part of living. And yet without being willing to go through it, we get stuck and then we kind of forever stay in that place. Yeah. So I think the acceptance is, is like that way to move through.
Rachel Brooks: I couldn't agree more. And I love that you brought up grief. And I think that that's a big part of our identity change is that there's this grief, this grieving process as we mourn the loss of who and what we once were as the shedding season. So it, I think the way I see that as well is like, we're in this constant healing journey. It's this evolution of change. And as we navigate life, we're going to experience so many of the ups and downs. And with that comes all of those emotions, all of those experiences. And I think that sometimes we could tend to look at like grief as, you know, a loss of a loved one, or a loss of something that we held so dearly, but yet, how much value do we endear for ourselves? And that was something, you know, I think, for me, personally, as especially as of last year, grief and loss hit me, both double whammy, you know, kind of all feeling like my world was coming to crashing down more or less. And so in that was like me just standing there collecting the pieces of what once was, and allowing yourself that space to feel like it instead of just numbing out or plowing through, because that's what, you know, as high achievers, we do that as well.
But giving ourselves the permission to accept this, this is happening. This is what it is. What do we do with ourselves today? And I think that it's so important to really feel, feel what you're going through. It doesn't discount or degrade kind of your own sense of self and what others may or may not think of you. But it's, it's a human emotion and it's a human experience that we have to gift ourselves that permission to explore and heal. And as we do, we start to unfold and transform into this new version of this becoming.
And we're not the same person we once were. And we don't expect to go back there. But we have to address what it is what it looks like and what it feels like for this new version of who we're becoming.
Corinne Powell: Yeah, and, and that also that recognition that there's not, we don't have to carry shame about who we were. Sometimes it can be so easy to be like, “oh, that version of me, you know, like, I don't like it. I don't want to go back there. I feel ashamed about how I showed up when I was that version of myself around the people I, you know, showed up”. and just recognizing that having the compassion towards ourself, that we are, like you said, evolving, we are ever-changing and being able to look at our past self with the compassion and with the kindness that they weren't who we are today and who we are today is not going to be who we are in the future.
So it's, it's like loving ourselves throughout it all, which I know is more complex than just saying that, but I think it's, it is important for us to all hear, like, we don't actually have to look at that past version of ourself with disdain either. And, you know, there's times when I know like the family, the home videos, things, right. I'll hear myself or I'll observe like how I was interacting and I'll cringe. And then I'm like, you know what, let me just hold love for that version of myself. Like she was doing the best she could with what she knew at that time.
Rachel Brooks: Oh, yeah, exactly. Oh, I love that you've given yourself that permission and kind of going back and looking at your former version. And that's kind of where you get to see like, “oh, that's what I loved about me”. “Oh, yeah, I did that?” “Oh, that's something I want to take with me or this is the thing that I need to let go of”. And so we really get to see ourselves through the lens of, like you said, compassion and compassion brings empathy and empathy creates this deep connection rutted in ourselves so when we begin this healing process we can look out to this new lens and actually see and feel what others are going through, and so I think that's a big piece that's kind of missing in this, especially in this online virtual space is like, we really don't have that emotional connection.
Because what you know, what I say is like, we can never compare our insides to others outsides. So what we're feeling is the lens of how we're receiving other people's lives. And so if we're feeling discontentment and discouragement, there can be that disdain that can be a part of resentment, even for your own life, or jealousy or bitterness, right? So we have to be mindful of the space and mind space that we're in as well that mindfulness, because it'll protect us from going down paths that we don't want to go, which could, you know, detour or veer us off the path of what, we're actually called to, to do in our lives, like our purpose.
And so that's kind of, you know, I can definitely relate to that as well. Because I've been there, I've been the dark, cloudy, gray lens looking out at, you know, rosy-colored lives that I would see behind my, you know, sadness and my tears and say, Oh, I wish I could, you know, and so we can go down those paths, or we can look at it's like, I see that woman, man, that's incredible what she's doing. She's, whether it's the truth or not, it's the perception of the reality of what is projected on social media. But we have to look at and say, wow, maybe they are sharing it, because they're so proud of where they've come from, or celebrating their successes, or rooting for that individual, because that individual now, if we're looking through their, their life through our lens, it gives us that hope and encouragement. It shows us what is possible.
And it's, we're all on this healing journey. But healing sometimes, could feel a little bit like, oh, that's very personal, good, you know, good for you, kind of, but it's not, it's a collective process. Healing is, you know, it starts with one, and then it ignites for somebody else. And the same thing goes as this ripple effect for anything we do in life. So yeah, I'd love to hear your perspective on that as well.
Corinne Powell: As far as tell me my perspective on?
Rachel Brooks: Just, you know, how we can perceive, that lens, how we can protect it, but as we're going through this healing?
Corinne Powell: Like how we see other people and how we view them?
Rachel Brooks: Yeah, in our own, in our own mess, if you want to say.
Corinne Powell: Yeah, there's a lot of times where, you know, I'll be feeling like, super low vibe energy. And I'll remind myself that Corinne, you're not the only one feeling this way that you have a lot of days where, you're just doing the best you can, and you're getting up, and you're putting one foot in front of the other. And at some point in the day, maybe it feels lighter, maybe it feels easier.
And I often go back to that place where I remind myself, like, I'm not the only one, because it can be so natural for me to think, oh, I'm the only one, especially if I don't hear or see about another person's struggle. And I often reveal my struggle or the struggles that like me and my kids, my husband goes through, because I think it's so important for us to see, oh, that's what's going on beyond the highlight reel, beyond the smiles. Like one moment, we could be smiling for a photo, but like, there could have been a lot of chaos and a lot of arguing and fighting going on like before or after that photo.
And if we do not shed light on that, I think it's just so easy to just assume. At the same time, it feels like bizarre to even assume that people don't have the same struggles that we do. But I go back to that often, just like, hey, Corinne, you're not the only one. And it's actually a comforting thing for me to remind myself of that. And to remember that this is actually like a part of living. This is a part of the human condition. The goal isn't to just always feel like super enthusiastic and joyful.
Those are wonderful things to feel. But normalizing the fact that, yeah, like we feel depressed, we feel anxious, we feel the grief and the sadness. And that's also a part of living. And I mean, yes, I used to feel those a lot more than the enthusiasm and the joy. So I'm glad, I'm grateful that throughout the years, throughout doing the inner work, that I do live in a place that is a lot lighter and is a lot happier to, you know, just to put like a label to it. I feel a lot happier than I used to.
But that doesn't remove all the other heavy emotions that I still like come in contact with on the everyday. And just keeping, I think, like when you mentioned, like how we look at other people, do we celebrate other people? I feel like that's so much of like the heart work and just becoming our authentic self. Because I truly believe that the universe is full of wonderful, beautiful people. I think that there are times when who we innately are is so unrecognized by the parental figures we grew up with. They like actually label us as something that we aren't.
And they, you know, they tell the little boy who has strong opinions that, you know, he's stubborn or he's a troublemaker. And then we become something that we actually authentically aren't. And so because I actually see the world through this lens of we are, we are good, we are beautiful, it's like a way of actually then, I guess the byproduct is that's what I'm projecting, right? So like I'm trying to assume the best and that can be like a, it's not always good to assume the best, but, I guess if someone's repeatedly doing something to you that you just need to actually realize they're not willing to change instead of assuming that they're willing to work on.
So in that regard, no, but, otherwise I think it's just like a lot of going back to our own heart and recognizing, like, there's a lot of underlying reasons if we are jealous and I'm not able to celebrate with other people. There could be even grief and heartache in us over why we wish that maybe we could be where they are, you know? And so I think looking within and doing some of that introspective deeper work can help us to become more of our authentic self and then be the beautiful person that we are.
Rachel Brooks: Yeah. Oh, I feel that I can feel everything that you're sharing and just even the relatability aspect of it. It's like, you know, here, here we are two women that are human beings. We're connecting on such a deeper level and we're sharing, our life's experiences through the lens of our healing. And so when we do that, we're able to now, you know, articulate what it is that we emotionally feel, but also giving that hope and light that there's something better beyond. And I think that that's, something to definitely keep in mind as we continue doing this work as well as like, we understand that what we're going through is just temporary. It's seasonal. It's going to pass, but sometimes those, you know, the breaths in between the passing go for days and miles and, you know, it could feel exhausting.
And while we're mindful of that, it's just now slowing down. It's not about trying to push or drive, but it's about taking it one day at a time. And in that one day at a time allows for us to grieve and handle each daily capacity for what it is, without trying to feel like we have to stretch beyond.
So I, you know, for every, for every one thing, there's the opposite of it. So it's like the seasons, right? The seasons we go through, there's especially like in business, there are seasons that were, you got to drive fast and hard like that. We got to get on. And then there's seasons for rest and recovery. And it's, you know, allowing that time, and flexibility. And I know that that's not always available in our schedules. And as much as we would like to say that we control our schedules, we really don't, you know, because life happens, things happen, kids happen, mishaps happen, like anything can happen.
So we need to allow that, I guess,time for ourselves. And however, that looks like in our busy schedules, whether it's carving out time in the morning, carving out time in the evening, but just kind of sit in that stillness and not have the pressure of like, okay, this is part of my morning routine or my nighttime routine. And I have to do this, that, and the other thing it's not.
No, this is something separate. This is the gift that you're carving out and saying, let's just be. And what does that look like? Does it just mean curled up on the couch with a cup of coffee, just kind of staring mindlessly at the wall until your, you know, your thoughts just dissipate over time, or is it the time for you to invest in, you know, a therapist to kind of work through some of those deeper issues, or maybe it's time to have a connection call with your bestie who really knows you and can see you from that different perspective.
And of course, these are just, you know, examples, but it's something of the self-exploration where we know what we need, but sometimes we don't allow ourselves the permission to act on it. And so that can help us, to kind of close some of that mind chatter, which is going to kind of keep that wound open, if that makes sense, and allowing us to heal that. And it's in its own time. And when we do, you know, like to your point where we have, you know, depths of despair, but we have the highs of, of joy and happiness and us to really experience both at its greatest peaks, we have to fully be present.
And it, you know, experience that to its most, you know, just like, yeah, anything that's deep, dark and depressing. It's like, people are like, get me out of this as quickly as possible. And then when things are at its peak and it's joyous and loving and happy, and we're like, I want to stay here as long as possible, but that's not the reality because with every peak of the valley and everything in between is what we call this journey of life. And that's the healing. That's the lessons. Those are the, the blessings that we look back and say, wow, this wasn't happening to me. This was actually happening for me. And in that discovery of finding the silver lining, we get to gift that back to others through our work. So whether it's through, you know, conversations like this, or through our writing through these services, through the, you know, us doing our own inner work and others get to benefit from our experiences that we get to heal and move forward on.
Corinne Powell: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Definitely. And I'm reminded, like something you were saying earlier, take each day, like just take, take today for what it is, because as you were saying, like just sitting and just like letting the thoughts dissipate and looking, you know, blankly at the wall with your cup of coffee, but really sometimes just taking it back to like, we're here in today and the only thing we have to focus on is today, because it can be overwhelming to look beyond today.
And in the, in the truth of it is like, all we have to focus on is today. It doesn't mean like the plans don't need to be made and all of those other small details, but we don't have everything we need for the next six weeks.
Like right now, we just have to look at what do I need for this afternoon? And then when this afternoon's passed, what do I need for this evening? You know, like last week I got to about I don't know, three in the afternoon. And so my one-year-old's at home with me throughout the day and then my other three kids are in school. So a lot of times I'll pick them up, but my husband was going to pick them up that day. And he came and picked up the baby. And so I had like close to an hour before they were going to get back. And I was like, what I need to lay down because I was able to get through until three o'clock. And I knew I do not have enough energy, physical stamina to get through the rest of this day with all the kids coming home and dinner and whatever else is going to happen. And so I think I laid down and closed my eyes for like 25 minutes, but it made the difference. And really like that reminds me of like, that's how it is sometimes like, okay, what do I need to be able to do this second half of the day?
Rachel Brooks: Yeah, yeah, exactly. And it's like, carven out that time, check in with yourself, how are you doing? It's not about checking the list. And, you know, from the outside looking in, where people say, “Oh, my gosh, she's handling it so well. How does she do this?” We don't, we're barely hanging on.
And, and we have to look at it for, you know, we can truly see ourselves for who we are. It, it basically, the way I see is like, it removes the veil or the curtain between you and the next person. Because you could see that they're just a human struggling, they haven't. They have fear, they worry, they have doubt, they have everything that you're battling. They are there too, they're just, they're just wearing it differently. Right? It's colored differently. But yet, the human experience is all the same. And that's something I'm finding myself in the season. And it's like, I don't know if this is kind of low on the personal side.
It's like, you know, what I think, because I spend, so much time with myself, as many of us do. We live in our head, we, we know our ins and outs, or at least we should, because that's kind of the journey of self-exploration, exploration, and discovery. But the more I'm in tune with all those deep, dark pieces of me, that sometimes become the manifestation of what we want to achieve and desire in this world. Where are they deeply rooted? Are they deeply rooted from those insecurities, those fears and, and doubt?
And is that what we're actually trying to chase to outrun or to fill those voids? You know, so I question those things. There's a lot of stuff that I do in the personal side. But when I'm in that space, I realize now when I kind of look, look at my neighbor's paper, if you per se, and I'm like, wow, they are too. Wow. And that next person is too. All of a sudden now it's like, we can now connect from that place where we're all experiencing the same thing, but getting true and honest and kind of cutting through the BS of what we want people to think, or how we want people to see us and just meeting them again, where they're at. We're like, Hey, you know what? I see you. I see what you're doing. I see all the efforts that you're doing and I get it. But I also hear you. And I could feel that kind of like what you were saying, you felt that side, but if we're already caught up in our own stuff, would we be present to feel that side to hear it? No, because we're just busy going through our everyday lives.
And that's why it's so important to protect the one biggest asset that we have of all things is our time. Are we slowing down to nurture it? Are we, you know, cherishing and preserving that? Are we dedicating that time to what truly matters the most? Yes business is important. Yes, you know, all these goals and achievements are important, but what good is that at the cost of your own mental, emotional, and physical and spiritual health and wellbeing? So what are our priorities? And that's the, I think the important message that, I kind of wanted to share, you know, on today, you know, sharing that, but in the work that I do is like, let's not forget about: we're people, we're humans, we're not machines and we're not just our businesses.
Corinne Powell: Right, and that in and of itself is kind of a redefining because again, there's a lot of stigmas. There's, there's a lot of labels that are easily attached. If you are a business owner, that means X, Y, and Z. Well, does it really for me? I get to choose that, but without that mindful piece, it's easy to just fall into this is, “this is the expectation”. And so, yeah, what, what you're saying is so important for us to sit with and consider and take some action on, cause we're only responsible for us. Like we have this one body, this one life, right. And like you said, if we don't take care of it, I mean, I know, I know it breaks down. Like I had to come to a breaking point before I kind of realized how important that 25-minute nap in the middle of the day might be for me sometimes. And, thankfully the body responds to the care we give it. So instead of, you know, being continually depleted, it's able to replenish through that short nap, but it wasn't always the case. Like I can remember when that wouldn't have done it because my body was so depleted. So yeah. It's - our body deserves our care.
Rachel Brooks: Yeah, for sure. Because, and especially our mind too, because that's, that's the thing that's nonstop going and it's like, you know, we're consumers of this world, you know, from everything that we see to hear, to touch, taste, feel all those things come in through us. And if we're, you know, the sensory kind of overload at that point cause mindful, check that, then that essentially can wear us down. Because like I said, we go on to, you know, for example, just to use social media, because I think we can all relate to that is, is again, we're seeing other people's lives, shared through the lens of, you know, however, as an artist and creator of your own pages, you put out the content of what you want to exhibit and what you want people to experience and you, what you want them to feel is who and what you are as the brand or your business behind it, whatever.
But I think, I think this is just for me as a business side thinking is that from personal branding, I think it's important to share all facets of who you are. Because when you kind of put yourself out there, everything's all perfect and everything's all, you know, all good, right? That does, that is more of a disadvantage from a business perspective, because you're not really creating the emotional and the relatable connection to your audience or clients or community, whoever your, your target is.
And I think that it is important to show that, you know, there's breaking points, there's, there's highs and lows. And so let's, let's talk about all the things and not always just one, because yeah, you might have like, you know, a joy business, right. But let's talk about some of the pains that led to the joy.
These are, these are conversations that I think that we can, you know, veer off into so many different tangents and explore, but I think, you know, for the time that we have, I think it's just important again, to kind of give, give permission to oneself to really take time to reflect.
And, you know, I, again, kind of like when we look at it from adding these tasks onto our to-do list, we're not looking at it as like carve out weeks at a time or days at a time. It could be as simple as what you had said, 25 minutes, you needed that nap. And that was the whole game changer in your 24 hours of a day, right? 25 minutes. That's so small, in the, you know, in the amount of time, let's look at what we can do in these 25 minutes to 60 minutes or a 45 minute, something that we're protecting ourselves. Mindfulness goes a long way.
Corinne Powell: Yes. I wholeheartedly agree. Yeah.
Rachel Broks: And then, you know, and the thing is, is like, even though you're feeling all, all this like heaviness, there's still those moments, moments of joy and laughter and you know, goodness to really celebrate. Um, you know, when like my husband would come in and say something funny and it's like, instantly it takes you out of that. “Ooh, yeah. I'm stewing and healing on my own stuff, but you know what? That was hilarious”, and appreciate the moments of joy and laughter. You're like, wow, I really needed that. Yeah. That's, that's what I'm trying to get back to. That's myself. Right. And so that's the journey back to you.
Corinne Powell: Yes. Yes. Right. Discovering who we are. Cause I know I didn't even know who I was, you know, but that's what, that's what living focused on everyone else will do for us. It's been fun discoveries.
Rachell Brooks: Exactly. And sometimes those people pleasers will come back up and, you know, maybe not at the most opportune time, but I think there's a time and a place and again, we're just kind of sharing all this stuff as just means to be open, transparent and vulnerable, but also hopefully we help somebody feel less alone in their own struggles, their own journey.
So we feel it, we feel all those things and there is nothing wrong, it’s not like you are broken. You don't need to think, sometimes you just need to be - simply be.
Corinne: Yes, thanks for leveling the plainfield with me today. It's, it's so healthy to do that. So it's been good. I've enjoyed it.
Rachell Brooks: Yeah, I agree.
Corinne Powell: If you are interested to listen to the previous episode that Rachel and I recorded together, you can go to season 6, episode 12 and check out “Overcoming Perfectionism and Embracing Self Compassion”. Also, that episode is linked for you in the show notes.
And so that you have something to look forward to, next week we will be talking a little bit about my journey around healing from religious trauma. It won't be going too in-depth, if you have been listening for a while you know that I’ve touched on elements of my healing journey within the walls of the church building and coming out of evangelical christianity and understating what is this for me.
How can I personally hold on to the things that are values of mine that are important to me and let go of what isn't? Of what I’ve identified with because of my parental figures and their beliefs, or because of what I identified with due to the people that I was friends with growing up, and individuals I respected - and so I’m gonna delve into that next week and then we’ll come right out of that and continue on with other topics. But I hope you will join me and that you will hear me out with an open mind.
[Ending] Well, we've come to the end of another episode. Sit back and reflect about what you heard. What’s the one thing you can resonate with you that you can take away and do something with?
Let’s not just listen, let’s listen and take action. Now, action may look very different for us but it’s doing something with what we hear. I hope that you will share today’s episode with a friend you think would also enjoy it and please come back next week.
I hope that you have a fabulous week and that you remember when you pillow your head at night, when you are going through your days, that who you are is good and I am so glad that you're alive.
