What does it mean to be self-compassionate?
[Intro] Hello, and welcome to my podcast, Empowered to Thrive. I'm your host, Corinne Powell, and I'm the owner of Change Radically.
In this space, we'll talk all things inner wellness, and parenting will certainly come up too because I'm a mom to four kids, so parenting is a huge part of my life.
This space is designed for safety. Your inner child is welcome. Your past self is invited to listen as well. And no matter what type of day you're having, I want you to know I'm glad to be with you.
I live out of vulnerability and transparency, so come and be. Be yourself. Be messy. Invite a friend, and please stay a while.
Keep coming back. I want you around. Now, let's jump into today's episode.
Hey there. How's your week been? Personally, we've had a bit of a rough week. Sometimes parenting is extremely challenging, and I would raise my hand if you were to ask me, is that the case right now? But we are not talking about parenting today. We are continuing the conversation around self-supportive living, and more specifically, about practicing self-compassion, and how impactful that is, and how much that is a part of self-supportive living.
Remember, self-supportive living is not self-sufficient living. It's this idea that we actually reach out and ask for help because we recognize that it's not meant to be done on our own.
In the past, perhaps in childhood or other times in your adulthood, you've had to go it alone. You haven't had the resources.
The supports, the friendships, the other relationships in your life that you've wished for, that you've needed.
But now is not then. And now is the time when we can actually put into practice some new ways of living so that we can find who is our community, and then learning how to slowly and gradually branch out and ask for the help we need.
If we've been hurt in the past, it's going to feel risky and scary to reach out and ask for help, especially if you've been turned down in the past.
Sometimes people turn on us and we didn't know it was coming. Sometimes people aren't able to help us when we ask and that comes with its own level of pain.
So I do understand that. I know there've been times even in my own experience where I tried to reach out. I couldn't find community. I didn't have the support I needed. To a degree, I would say that's even where I'm at at the moment, but not like it used to be. Now I understand how to ask for what I need. Now I understand the importance of not doing it all on my own.
Really basic example: If I hosted someone in my home in the past and they asked me, is there anything I could do to help you? Maybe I would have a few little things that I would suggest they could do, but most of the time I would say, no, just relax. We can talk while I'm prepping. You don't have to do anything.
Now I still might do that at times, but I've gotten much better at learning. I literally had to practice to get better at it. It was something I didn't know how to do, so I had to learn it. I have been learning how to say, “Yeah, actually, could you do this?” Or if they don't even offer, sometimes still asking for what I need. It's still uncomfortable at times. It's still difficult to do.
But I've learned I can't do it all on my own. And the times when I do it all on my own, I end up usually exhausted, depleted, or internally frustrated. Which sometimes shows up externally, and everybody knows I'm frustrated. And it's not anyone else's fault. In those cases, if I haven't asked for the help I need, nobody else is to blame.
So moving forward, self-compassion. What is this idea of self-compassion? I would like you to pause and reflect for a moment. You can pause this episode or finish it, and reflect within yourself afterwards. But how do you even think of yourself when you look at that reflection of you in the mirror? What thoughts surface? What feelings do you have about that person, yourself, but that person you see across from you?
Do you like who they are? Are you proud of them? Or do you feel shame, hatred, disgust? What is it that you feel about yourself? It can be very difficult if you're in a place where you really dislike who you are. And there's many things you're unhappy about, and there's many things that you shame yourself about. It can be hard to practice self-compassion. Because it's not easy to be kind if we're used to bullying our Self.
But we can learn it. We can grow in this. And I say that because I know. I remember how it was to look in the mirror and to dislike myself.
To have a lot of disgust for my body. For the way I showed up. For the way I acted or interacted, and now I know what it's like to like the reflection of what I see.
To like the version of me at all different sorts of stages. When I've done things I regret, when I've gained. gained a lot of weight. At these moments where in the past, I would have felt some sort of disdain or disgust. Now I still feel this sense of love, compassion. We are allowed to make mistakes.
And when we do make mistakes, we don't have to become the critic. We don't have to become the bully who shames ourselves and says, look, there you go again. You're never going to get it right.
You did it again. When are you going to learn? Instead, we can be that voice that says, I know you're working so hard to change this pattern. And I know it feels so frustrating to feel like, oh, I wanted to do it differently this time and I didn't. But you're going to get there. Just keep working on it. We're in this together. I'm here to support you. I believe in you. I see your heart.
I know that you want to. And that matters. And we can repair, we can apologize to the people that may be affected by our choices, our actions. We can even apologize to our Self. But do you hear the difference in tone?
Between the bully and the compassionate support. So mirror work is helpful to actually get an understanding of where you're at with yourself. And then to give you an outlet, a way to practice growing in this compassion. I do think it's helpful to combine the cognitive piece of being able to rewire the way we think about ourselves in conjunction with the somatic body piece of actually like connecting with ourselves to notice what we're feeling, to become mindful and to grow in safety within ourselves where it's like, okay, I'm not trying to get out of my body.
As I look at them in the mirror and I dislike my figure, I'm actually, gently and kindly say, rubbing my arm as I say, “Body, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for the ways that I've been unkind and critical of you. I may not like what you look like right now, but I'm going to get there. I want to like you. I want to accept you”. And again, please hear like these words need to be whatever come like we're going to come out of you.
I'm saying these things. These might be the ways I speak to myself. This isn't mean you have to copy me. You're going to be able to stand there. And sometimes you'll know like, Hey, this is what I need to say to myself. This is how I need to apologize.
The only guideline I ever bring up is be kind. This is not a time to be a bully or to be critical. It doesn't mean you have to lie to yourself. If you don't, you're not going to be a bully. You just heard me saying, I was honest, like “Body. I don't like you right now, but I'm growing. I'm going to get there. I want to like you”.
And if you're like, “Corinne, that's not even what I would say. Like, that's not even how I feel”. Then don't say that. Say something that fits for you. Just make sure it's kind and it's not critical. Do not stand there and then use that time to become the bully. Be the ally to yourself. You need a friend. You need a kind, compassionate voice. Think about the friend in your life who like has good things to say, even when you can't say anything good about yourself or who always thinks well of you, even when you're like, come on, you know that I'm not perfect. Of course they know you're not perfect, but they don't see you in a negative light.
They genuinely like you. They have things to praise. They have plenty of applause for you. They know that you're not perfect. They know you have things you would say are flaws, but that doesn't mean they need to bring those up all the time. It doesn't mean that's even what they focus on. A lot of times when love is the predominant factor in the equation, it's not that we're not seeing anything else. It's that we're able to put it to the side and say like, “yeah, but that's not my focus right now. That's not what's in my eye gate, like, I like you. I am focusing on the things that are good about you. And sure, on the peripheral, I know there's these other components, but we all have those other facets to us. We all have the things that we consider flaws, the things we're working to change, the ways that we don't show up in the way we want to, of course. Like, that's a part of it.
I'm interrupting the episode just for a moment to let you know about a six-week group program that is up and coming. We are going to be meeting weekly to have group sessions.
You'll also be able to reach out for my support at any time, night or day, via messaging app.
Leave me audio messages, text messages, talk about what's triggering you, express if you're feeling alone and I'll be there to support you. In addition to that, you're going to get to set up a one-on-one session with me. We can delve into any topic you want. We can focus on what your inner child is needing.
It can be really practical in just helping you reach some of the goals you want to reach this year. We're going to be utilizing some of the workbooks and video lessons that I've previously prepared as we go through this six weeks.
So there's going to be resources you're going to receive that you get to keep, there's going to be connections that you make with others in the group that might be lifelong. But one thing I can guarantee you is you'll have my support throughout that entire six weeks, and you're going to be with others who are on a similar journey as yourself.
If you're interested in this, I've linked in the show notes how you can register. Of course, you can always go to my website, changeradically.com, and find out more information there. I would love to have you join.
If you have been used to the critics in your life, the parental figures, the other influential people in your life as you grew up, teachers, close friends, other relatives, siblings, you may be very conditioned to think negatively and critical of yourself. And that conditioning is really powerful. But we can become conditioned in anything.
So just like someone who feels like their body is weak and they need to strengthen their muscles, starts working out, starts doing yoga, starts getting stronger little by little, practice by practice.
It's the same thing with us when we consider this idea of how we relate to our Self. We can change that. We can grow in something new. We can get really strong in a completely different pattern of relating to ourselves.
So this self-compassion is critical. It's necessary. And it's completely, completely interwoven into self-supportive living. It is the most refreshing way to live, especially if you have been the critic of yourself and you've been used to the other critics around you.
So continue to just notice, to witness yourself, to get curious about what's going on subconsciously, below the surface. And as you notice these things, as you're becoming aware of them, continue to practice this new way of thinking, this new way of living, this new way of interacting with yourself. When it boils down, that's really what's going on here.
It's us actually looking at how do we interact with our Self? And is there anything that needs to change about that interaction? Is there any way that that interaction could be gentler, kinder, more empowering? And then if we notice there is, then just taking the next step to say, as I pass by that mirror throughout the day, I'm going to smile at that person in the mirror.
I'm going to compliment that person. I'm going to find something that is positive, that is kind, that is encouraging to say to myself. That's one small way you can start. And when you're talking with somebody and they have something good to say about you and you're about to downplay it or to say something that would be maybe, just slightly negative or dismissive of what they said, just recognizing it and not saying it.
Just allowing yourself to receive the compliment from them, allowing yourself to hear that good report. These are the ways that we can practice something different and grow in self-compassion.
I want to give you a heads-up about what's coming next week. Rachel Brooks is joining me once again on the show.
If you've been listening for a little while, you might remember she was here a few weeks ago and talked about letting go of perfectionism and embracing self-compassion. Same theme, different conversation, so it's worth listening to.
And I will link that episode in the show notes for you. So I'm really excited to have her here again next week.
And we're going to be talking about how to reinvent yourself and say you're in a position or you're looking at that mirror and you're like, “I want things to change. I need things to change. Can they be different?”
We are going to talk about that. And hint, yes, things can be different and change is definitely possible. She and I both know that from our own stories, our own experiences.
And I love when I get to have a conversation to talk with Rachel because it's always real and authentic and it's back and forth conversation, which is some of the best stuff.
So I hope you'll invite a friend and come back here, same place, same time next week for that.
[Ending] Here we are. We've come to the end of another episode. Sit back and reflect on what you heard. What's the one thing that resonates with you that you can take away and do something with?
Let's not just listen. Let's listen and take action. Now, action may look very different for us, but it's doing something with what we hear.
I hope that you'll share today's episode with a friend that you think would also enjoy it. And please come back next week. I hope that you have a fabulous week and that you remember when you pillow your head at night, when you're going through your days, that who you are is good and I'm glad that you're alive.
