The Healing Journey

If you prefer listening to the episode, click here.

[Intro] Hello, and welcome to my podcast, Empowered to Thrive. I'm your host, Corinne Powell, and I'm the owner of Change Radically.

In this space, we'll talk all things inner wellness, and parenting will certainly come up too, because I'm a mom to four kids, so parenting is a huge part of my life.

This space is designed for safety. Your inner child is welcome. Your past self is invited to listen as well. And no matter what type of day you're having, I want you to know I'm glad to be with you.

I live out of vulnerability and transparency, so come and be. Be yourself. Be messy. Invite a friend, and please stay a while.

Keep coming back. I want you around. Now, let's jump into today's episode.

…

Corinne Powell: All right, I am so happy to have you here with me today. And I'm also glad because my husband, Evan, is on the show with me today. And we are going to talk about the healing journey and what that means for him. And before we even started, he mentioned, “I don't know if I'm a great candidate for this”. 

And he said it was because his process has been organic versus structured. And I felt like that was actually a perfect fit because I want you to hear something that is actually very aligned with the way that I talk about living, intuitive living, living in a way that is not formulated, doesn't always make sense, but sets you up for authentic living and thriving. 

So when I think about the healing journey, I often wonder how does someone else hear that? Is it vague? Is it daunting? So for you, Evan, when you even hear that term healing journey, what does that mean to you?

Evan Powell: So it sounds like we're going on a trip and taking a trip toward wholeness, which I think does sound pretty daunting. To be whole sounds really big. I mean, like to be complete, to have everything that I need to be able to face what I need to face. And yeah, I think to me it feels pretty overwhelming when I hear healing journey.

I know in my process, I feel like I've gotten distracted or I've gotten stuck in a lot of places. And imagine I may be much further along than I am at times. And I've also come to realize that it never seems to be complete as in, all right, we took that trip and it's over now. There's phases and there's seasons and there's parts that get completed and you can stop and celebrate and maybe rest, but there never really seems to come to a place where the journey more or less ends and there's no more need to move anymore forward or upwards or in a particular direction as you're maturing maybe.

Corinne Powell: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think that's why I feel very comfortable talking about my own process as I guide others along theirs, because to me it is what you said, it is a lifelong journey. It's not about arriving. It's not about being this perfect version of ourselves. And that's why I feel no sense of sliminess or shame in saying, hey, I'm on the journey too. I've been on the journey for a while, and I will continue to be on it. And we're going along together.

Evan Powell: Mm-hmm.

Corinne Powell: So you talked about it feeling a bit or very overwhelming and this idea of wholeness, completeness, but how is that possible? So when you move away from that ideal or perfect version, what does it really look like in everyday living to be on the healing journey for you?

Evan Powell:  So I think part of the reason it feels overwhelming is because it doesn't sound fun. Like if you said, hey, let's go, you know, take a trip together, that could be fun. But wholeness, in my experience, has been difficult. It's taken a lot of work. It's taken engagement and sacrifice and focus. So in that regard, it's been, at least when I think about it, it sounds difficult. But...I feel like when you move away from the perfection, “Hey, this needs to work”, I need to get somewhere mindset, then you really have to become very comfortable with messy. And you have to be comfortable with experiencing pain, difficult things. And once you get to that spot, I feel like it becomes very easy. And I don't say that to say that I've gotten to that spot. It's just…as I become more comfortable with it, it becomes easier. 

Like, alright. I don't have to arrive. I don't need to succeed. I don't need to create something that people like. I don't need to show up in any particular way. I just need to be moving. So as I think about my children as they're growing, like it's a pretty fun thing. It's a pretty beautiful thing. It's a difficult thing at times, but. It's not that I need them to be something or become something. They're just growing and they're maturing. 

So there's a lot to celebrate in that, a lot to celebrate in that. Like there's obviously yearly celebrations of their birthdays, but there's monthly celebrations of their achievements and there's, I don't know, it can be pretty, it can be pretty fun. But yeah, you definitely have to let go of the...idea that you're going to arrive somewhere.

Corinne Powell: Mm-hmm. Well, even as you were just sharing there, I heard you having to confront a lot of the underlying beliefs, a lot of the condition patterns that you grew up with, this idea that you're letting go of the perfect version or getting it all right and you're saying it is going to be messy. That's just how the journey is. And I have to embrace that. 

I have to celebrate through it, not wait till I've arrived. And you bring up a completely different perspective than I would when you talk about not actually necessarily being super excited about being on the journey. Like it's work, it's hard work.

You mentioned some things that feel very different perspective than how it is for me. I actually feel like I light up at the idea of having a session where I'm, I'm actually being coached, I'm being supported or diving into the inner world and understanding the deeper workings for myself or for somebody else. Like, it excites me. 

And I recognize that that's not the case for everybody. And it's so good that you're bringing in your perspective because I'm confident. 100% sure there are people listening who don't feel as lit up about it as I am, who do feel like it is a bit of drudgery. It is a deliberate choice. And even though of course it's even a deliberate choice for myself, it's not one that feels the way you described it.

And so having both perspectives is a wonderful thing because we need to hear that sometimes it is about like doing the difficult thing because we're keeping in perspective what we want.

Evan Powell: Yeah.

Corinne Powell: And as I say that, for you, when you think about the reason why you've gone back to, all right, I got sidetracked. I'm not as far as I thought I'd be in this process, but I'm going back to it. I'm willing to do the work, even though a big part of me wishes I could just skip out on the day. What brings you back to that place?

Evan Powell: Yeah, so I think if it was easy, I think it would have been done already, in the sense, like maybe everybody would be doing it. But in my process, actually succeeding is very important as far as like my, like you mentioned, my childhood, my background, and my mindset. So it's actually difficult for me to start something that I don't think I can succeed at.

Corinne Powell: Mmm.

Evan Powell: So if you say to me, hey, let's go to the store, and we never make it to the store, but we did all kinds of fun things along the way, I'm gonna feel like we didn't really succeed. 

Corinne Powell: Gotch you.

Evan Powell: We didn't go to the store. That's the whole point. Well, that was a wasted trip, even though we enjoyed ourselves.

Corinne Powell: Right

Evan Powell: And I know everybody that doesn't have that mindset, but when I think about some of the things I need to overcome to move forward. And I think that I can't succeed at them and I have questions in my mind about whether or not I can overcome them, then there's a hesitancy in my mind to even try at times. 

I had to find a motivation. Is it worth the risk of failing to try this because it's that important to you? And I think that's why I'm still in the process and working hard at it because the result is that valuable, or that invaluable to me. Like I want to be whole, I want to be well, I want to be connected, I want to be free, I want to experience love in a deep, deep way. 

I want to be able to connect with my emotions, scary or overwhelming as they are. I want to live life the best I possibly can. So like when I think about, all right, so this is where I have to go to get to that spot, then, you know, I have a lot of motivation.

Corinne Powell: Mm-hmm. Yes.

Evan Powell: But in my process, when I'm not feeling like I've gotten what I set out for, what I set out to get, I can get frustrated. Like, I don't know if this is working. I'm not seeing the results I need. Is this really worth it? So.

Corinne Powell: Yeah. So when you think about the healing journey, what has it encompassed for you? Can you give us some tangibles, like well, being on the healing journey has meant that I've focused on this or I put this into practice.

Evan Powell: Yeah, I feel like it's always revolved around connections. So a connection to my heart, a connection to my body, a connection to my emotions, a connection to the people that I love in my life, a connection to friends and deeper connections, like deeper intimacy and all these things. Like, all right, yeah I'm aware of my body, but are you really aware of your body? Have you given it more than two seconds today to really ask it, like how it's feeling and what it needs and what it wants? 

So yeah, and there's like so many different maybe trails that that's taken, but I feel like they've all revolved around being connected and being engaged and being intimate. And that could be what I eat, or that could be where I show up and how I show up, or just stopping to evaluate. How are you feeling, buddy? What's going on inside you? Yeah, I think that's kind of where that's come from and what that's looked like.

Corinne Powell: And how has all of that affected your relationships, especially the closest relationships, either the ones you started out with in childhood or the ones that you have with us in your home?

Evan Powell: Mm-hmm. So like I mentioned before, messy is kind of the norm for what we're talking about here. Like you don't grow without a level of chaos, a level of difficulty, a level of pain. So it doesn't mean it's always that way and things don't transition, but you have to expect that. Even if it's just mistakes, like I mentioned before. So I feel like relationships have at times been more difficult and then at times been 10 times better.

So in order for you to know me well, you have to see all of me. And so when you see all of me, there's parts of me that I'm afraid that you might not like. There's things I've done that I'm afraid that of you seeing and judging. I have to deal with my shame. So all that part looks really messy, right? At least in my mind it does. 

All right, so someone is seeing me without all the coverings that I normally would want to have to make me look pretty, beautiful, acceptable, liked, loved. And then once they see it all, and then you can experience that connection at that level, and in your case, you would be a person who would want that deep connection no matter what. Then we have a new level of intimacy. Like I am known and I am seen, and you know me, and you see me.

Corinne Powell: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Evan Powell: And so there's, here comes the authenticity and there's like a spark there too somewhere because of the knowing. So, and like I mentioned you as an example, but that kind of translates to other relationships when I start uncovering my emotions and they're really...overwhelming or they're messy, they're hurtful, it could be anger or it could be frustration, sadness, definitely experience a lot of sadness.

Um, like those, those are the messy parts, but when that sadness or that anger, whatever it might be, is not holding you down, you're able to experience the other side of that, which could be some pretty great highs. Did I answer your question?

Corinne Powell: Yeah, so say in the, I'm gonna presume, even though you didn't necessarily say it, the discomfort of being real.

Evan Powell: Mm-hmm.

Corinne Powell: How does that impact some of the formative relationships you have? Because you already know those people pretty well. And you're trying to interact as your authentic self. So what is very practically for somebody listening, who's on their own healing journey, who recognizes, you know what, some of the relationships that help to form who I am are ones that I have to figure out what to do with now. How do I interact? And so not to necessarily answer that question for anyone else, but for yourself, what very practically now does that look like?

Evan Powell: Can you ask the question again?

Corinne Powell: Yeah, think about the family of origin, the people that you grew up with and the house you grew up in, just for one example, when you think about your relationship with those people right now, how does your healing journey impact the ways you go about relating?

Evan Powell: Hmm, so I think mostly there's a lot of fear there. Because you know over time you grow and you change just just naturally, everybody does. So here you are changing and these people know you in a particular way or a particular setting and then…

Corinne Powell: Mm-hmm, yes.

Evan Powell: you're gonna show up differently because you're growing. And there's, in my mind, there's a question of, so now what are they gonna think of me? Or how are they gonna judge me or treat me now that I'm not who they've always seen me as or pegged me as or accepted me as? Like I already knew what I was getting if everything stays the same, but I'm not sure what I'm getting if I show up differently.

Corinne Powell: Right

Evan Powell: Um, so yeah, I feel like that discomfort for me is mostly fear. And, um, it's actually pretty easy to kind of play the part that I've always played. Cause I, cause I've known, I've known it, I'm familiar with it. And I, um, like I said, I kind of know what to expect there. Um, but really just show up authentically and, um, to kind of push the limits and push the expectations. My experience has been that I've still received lots of love there. 

And that's kind of, over time, changed my comfortability with it, as in, oh, I am still accepted so I can keep being myself. 

Corinne Powell: Mm-hmm.

Evan Powell: And that hasn't always been the case, but...When that becomes my norm, I can keep acting out of love or in love, as opposed to acting in out of fear of what would be, you know, and having to protect myself from what might be.

Corinne Powell: Uh huh. So at different seasons on your healing journey has what you described look different?

Evan Powell: Yeah, like there's no guarantee on somebody's response, right? Like, you could show up one way and they'll be like, depending on how they are, where they're at, right? They'll be like, you know what, you're good. I value you. I accept you. And you could show up another day and they'll be like, what is wrong with you? Like you need to go get some help. So you know, obviously people's responses don't have to dictate how you are, but a lot of times they do. And they definitely have for me.

But as I'm going through my own process, I'm becoming more comfortable with people's quote unquote negative or more immature or have harder responses. And learning to be myself no matter what.

I think practically it's kind of looked a lot like testing the waters to be like, hey, if I'm... a little bit different than you expected, are you okay with that? And then depending on how that response was, that would definitely affect what else I was willing to show or how else I was willing to be. But, you know, like that's my, that's just my process because that's my own maturity coming out to not be willing to just, I think, take whatever and be who I am regardless.

Corinne Powell: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, and I know when I think about it from my own perspective, there's also been times the dynamic of relationships I've had, had to be drastically different than what I might have hoped. There was times where I stopped talking with somebody for a long time. They may not have even realized it, but I knew the difference. 

I knew that I had been the one to always, or not always, but often initiate, say, in the relationship and having to change the dynamic of that for various reasons. And I guess to your point of it is uncomfortable, messy. It doesn't always look and feel what people consider and label beautiful and embracing it. Even in this moment embracing the conversation where Brielle's in the background making noise.

To all of this, there is the idea that people have their opinions, people have their stereotypes, what this should look like, what this should be like. If we bring it down to the practicals, right? What should a podcast sound like, what should it be like? And that's not just relating to this, it's relating to all the elements of life. What, how should you treat your family members?  How should you go about being respectful in relationships that you've had for all of your lifetime? 

Evan Powell: Mmm. Mmm.

Corinne Powell: And sometimes we are going to be asked, and that might be an internal ask to do something that feels inappropriate, rude, disrespectful, unkind. And it's necessary to our healing for us to respond to that. And even in anguish sometimes, even with tears, I wish it didn't have to be this way. I wish my actions…weren't gonna mean that someone else feels discomfort. And because we're never responsible, in this case, in this case that I'm speaking of, we're not responsible for somebody else's discomfort. 

You know, there are times where we play a part in the effect that we have on somebody. And there are other times where we simply need to make the decision to say put up a boundary. As a byproduct, someone else is going to experience perhaps the pain of loss, but the boundary was needed for the health of our relationship with that person. 

Hopefully I'm not being too vague where it's...where you or someone else can kind of understand context what I'm getting

Evan Powell: I gotcha.

Corinne Powell: So what would you say, how has the healing journey impacted you on the every day in your parenting? I know you talked about a focus on connection, more connection with yourself, more connection in your relationship with others, a lot of waking up to what your heart is saying, what sensations and ways your body's communicating with you, instead of disconnecting, instead of dissociating, actually integrating back within. And all of that, how does that impact you in typical life?

Evan Powell: So I think my mindset right now is that all of this is a dance and every part is interconnected. So what I ate this morning could be affecting my mood right now. My mood could be affected by what I need to do tomorrow. 

Corinne Powell: Mm-hmm 

Evan Powell: And those are not two opposite things, three connected things. And so here I am relating to all these other individuals that I hold some responsibility to give some safe space to grow as well, like my kids. And yeah, I'm just, I'm learning to engage them in their dance as well, like in their, all these connection points that they have, not to make it so much a part of mine, but to, like I said, to give them safe space to actually do their parts and make their connections. 

And I mean, for me personally, I'm always like trying to be tuned into how what I'm doing is affecting how everything else I'm doing. And so I'm actually doing that for them, but also teaching them how my process is and how I'm looking at things. So, like more recently, I have a child who's given me a lot of reaction and I think in the past I may have looked at them and said, hey, you need to fix that or you have a, why are you reacting to me or so on and so forth. 

But I'm also observing, all right, so I wonder what their school day was like. I wonder what they ate for breakfast. I wonder if they have a need that's not being met in their life. I wonder if they have a dream that they've been disconnected from. I wonder how their interrelationships with their friends are. And I wonder how I'm not necessarily showing up and being connected to that need is affecting them. Like what's my part to play, even all that, if I know some of the pieces that might be playing in?

And I think if I scale out, it looks big and overwhelming to be that aware of all that. But when you're tuned in, these things are all just, they become normal the more you do them. So there's so many calculations that our brains are doing all the time. You walk into a room and you smell paint and you're like, oh, so the room is...you know, painted, you see the walls and like, it's just like, so you see, you smell, you feel, you taste, you touch, and then you, you know, there's all the other subliminal things that are happening as well. 

So it just all becomes like information and I feel like in the journey you just learn to process and you get feed, you get a lot of feedback, a lot of it's intentional because I'm often asking

or you're giving me information or I'm asking the kids or their volunteering information. 

And I don't always feel like I need to judge it all, like I need to box it all and make sure I know where it goes. But I'm just being connected to it. So I don't have to sit there and eat the food and say this is good or bad. But I'm going to sit there and eat the food and I'm going to say I have salty taste, I have a sweet taste, I have, I just have sensations that are becoming alive in all this and I want to be connected to them.

Corinne Powell: Right. Yeah, I hear you saying you're noticing and I'm also hearing you say, this is what you mean by your healing journey and the organic process. So this everyday living and the ways you're looking at it holistically and recognizing we are interconnected. And mind, body, soul, spirit, you know, there's ways that we are being impacted on all these different levels. 

And something that lights me up is this idea that you are on your own journey healing, recognizing some of the subconscious beliefs, the conditioned patterns. the ways that you learn to cope that may not be supporting you now in adulthood. And as a byproduct, it's impacting the way that you parent. It's allowing you to model something for our kids that will propel them on their own journey. And if there's one thing that I love, it's the idea that we can heal the intergenerational trauma. And so often it's just this organic byproduct to us doing our own work. There's just so much, so much good there that you said.

And I think that it breaks it down so that we can recognize we don't have to go to that place of overwhelm where we say like, oh my goodness, look at this mess. Look at this chaos. Think about a room that, you know, is just chaotic and it's a mess and everything's out of place and we're not even sure where things go. We actually can recognize that it's just this everyday noticing, becoming aware, getting curious. What tastes, what flavors do I notice in this dish? Which will demand a pause. It demands us deliberately becoming like we're becoming mindful, we're saying, all right, I'm actually going to connect with my body, I'm going to be aware of what my taste buds are experiencing. 

And that, in a micro way, is I feel like what the healing journey consists of. And so in it's okay to feel the discomfort of being in that room that's out of control and a mess and the chaos, it's actually necessary to sit with that discomfort. But we can choose to instead of looking at the full room that feels a mess, just turn inward and say, what am I noticing in my body as I sit in this space or surrounded by this mess?

And in that we are doing ourselves a service. We're offering ourselves this gift. And the point isn't, wow, I feel this deeply in my gut. The point isn't that the room be neat and tidy and everything in its place all day, every day. That's actually not possible. It's not the way to live in family. Living in family should mean that we allow for there to be the messes, that things are not always in their place, that we are going through our days and do we discover ways to purge and manage what we have in a more organized fashion. 

Of course, do we recognize that brings a sense of subtleness and calm. Wonderful. Do we all pitch in and work to clean up the room at times of the week, times of the day? Yes. 

But is the goal that it always be put together that toys never be out, that there never be a need to pull the vacuum out or that at the site of a mess on the floor, we immediately have to clean it up or can we allow it to be that we connect with each other in the middle of that mess? That we engage with each other, that we play together, that we do life with all that surrounding us. 

For everybody listening, sit with this imagery and just allow it to speak to you in whatever way you need. Because I feel that there's something very impactful there. You're sitting there smiling. What are you smiling about?

Evan Powell: Oh, I always learned a lot from you. Your passion always gives a different little oomph to it. Heh heh. I appreciate that.

Corinne Powell: Well, that's the intuitive part coming out. You're talking and then I see a picture in my mind's eye. And I realized that the picture is speaking to my soul about the concept that we've been talking about in words, right? And then I feel it in my body. Like this is that organic process that isn't exclusive to me that we can all get to enjoy. And...as much as it was an innate part of me, I grew up around people who tried to not only…they didn't understand it, they didn't give space for it. They didn't know how to cultivate it in me. 

And so I feel like now is a point in my life where I can actually ride the wave of living connected to my intuition in a more...in a more conscious way because I recognize that it's meant to enhance life for me and other people. So all right, well, I feel like there's always more that we could talk about. I always enjoy chatting with you, whether it's just in our house or whether it's being recorded for other people. But I'm not going to take much more of your time. I just want to wrap up with one last question:

In this next season of life that we're going into. What do you feel like it is for you that your energy is going to be focusing on as it relates to your healing

Evan Powell: Hmm. I don't know if I'm in between seasons right now.

Corinne Powell: Okay.

Evan Powell: But I've been...I definitely want to discover what it's like to have fun as an adult, as I am right now, what that looks like. Like I have in my mind right now an idea of just creating a pause in between activities. So whether it's, you know, we arrive somewhere, we arrive back home, or we're planning to go somewhere, we go from dinner to bed time or whatever, but just pausing for five minutes of something fun, what that would look like. Because I feel like we just, like things get so crossed and interwoven in.

There's like no transition. But then at this point in my life, I'm wondering, because I'm so busy, what that looks like to actually pause and take time for myself where I do something very satisfying and fulfilling. And that's not always in my schedule. It's not always in my purview even as I'm planning things out. Like the next thing I might look forward to is quite a ways down the road as opposed to a short distance down the road. So I have that. And then I also am kind of focused on what it looks like to.

Corinne Powell: Okay.

Evan Powell: I feel like I've created a lot of messes in my world where I make mistakes and I fall short, I fail, I disrupt, I break a commitment, I don't show up, and I know how to say sorry and I know how to...move on maybe myself, but I don't always know how to come along somebody else who I have offended or I've broken and how to help them to move through what I have created. So I have energy focused in both of those directions right now.

Corinne Powell: All right. Well, thanks for sharing with us and for letting us into your inner world. Always appreciate that gift. And for everyone listening, if you have been just reflecting on your own journey, as you've heard Evan sharing and me sharing, I wanna invite you into an eight-week group program that I am hosting.

We will be starting up on April 3rd, and we will have weekly group sessions where we will focus on certain topics such as relationship health, and how our relationship with ourselves impacts our relationship with everyone else. We have to start with and if we don't learn when we are young, how to take care of our needs and how to connect with ourself in our inner world. We have to learn it. We have to learn it now in adulthood. And we'll also be talking about intuitive living, which in very practical terms, you heard me referencing what that is when I talked about that picture of the living room that was a mass. 

And we'll be touching on all of these in ways independently and then collectively as a group. We will meet once a week for 75 minutes and have conversation. And if you can't make it to the live group session, then you'll be able to watch the replay. And as a part of that eight week group program, you'll also be able to have a one-on-one session with me which is very impactful for everybody that does take me up on that and schedule their one-on-one session, because it's not a requirement. You could just come to the group sessions if that's your jam. 

But when you get to focus on whatever it is that you need with me for those 60 to 90 minutes, it's extremely transformative. Some people experience in one session what they equate to six months of therapy elsewhere. And you'll have to see for yourself what it's like. But I wanna invite you in if you have been resonating or just intrigued by what Evan and I have been talking about, this is the healing journey. What you've heard in this last little while is the healing journey. And so this is the types of things that we talk about in collective sessions.

You will be sitting with a group of others who are on the same path. And I love to keep my group small, so we max out at 10. Once 10 spots are filled, doors will close. And I invite you in, I would love to have you there if you wanna be there. So for now, we will sign off, wish you all the best, and remind you that mess is not bad, and that who you are is beautiful and good.

…

[Ending] Well, we've come to the end of another episode. Sit back and reflect about what you heard.  What’s the one thing you can resonate with you that you can take away and do something with? 

Let’s not just listen, let’s listen and take action. Now, action may look very different for us but it’s doing something with what we hear. I hope that you will share today’s episode with a friend you think would also enjoy it and please come back next week. 

I hope that you have a fabulous week and that you remember when you pillow your head at night, when you are going through your days, that who you are is good and I am so glad that you're alive.