Religious Trauma

[Intro] Hello, and welcome to my podcast, Empowered to Thrive. I'm your host, Corinne Powell, and I'm the owner of Change Radically.

In this space, we'll talk all things inner wellness, and parenting will certainly come up too, because I'm a mom to four kids, so parenting is a huge part of my life.

This space is designed for safety. Your inner child is welcome. Your past self is invited to listen as well. And no matter what type of day you're having, I want you to know I'm glad to be with you.

I live out of vulnerability and transparency, so come and be. Be yourself. Be messy. Invite a friend, and please stay a while.

Keep coming back. I want you around. Now, let's jump into today's episode.

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Hello! Happy to have you here with me again this week and excited to talk more about religious trauma and how our experiences within our faith communities, the worship settings that we've been a part of, deeply impact us. 

And this isn't to say that it's only in your place of worship that you're going to be impacted because we all know we're impacted everywhere. 

But before we jump into all of that, Empowered to Thrive is a space that I invite you to come to if you wanna feel safe and validated, if you are looking for a little bit more information and a lot of heart while you're on the healing journey.

Because I'm not here just to educate and inform. I am here to say, come open up your heart space. Let's connect on a deep level and let's find a place that feels safe and warm to be real and true to ourselves. And in that space, let us experience the healing that we deserve. 

And so today we're talking about healing from religious trauma. And as much as trauma varies person to person, I'm going to talk about some ways that religious trauma showed up in my life and in the lives of some of the people closest to me. And for one purpose, to shed light on what this trauma is experienced as, like what does it even look like in some cases, and to create, again, that space where you get to come and reflect on your own experiences and...actually discover how have you been impacted by religion as a general whole or if it was something very personal and it was a part of your own life story or it still is, then that's.

I invite you to pull up a chair, to listen and then to share your feedback with me. Send me an email, reach out to me. You can find me multiple ways on social media or go to my website changeradically.com and set up a session if you would like to actually talk about your experiences more. 

And if you haven't heard the last couple episodes (Deconstructing religion and Finding authenticity in faith), you may benefit from taking a listen to them. You at least might feel like you have an understanding of what we've already been talking about, what's leading us into today's conversation.

So as I've mentioned in the past, I was a part of an evangelical Christian church. And church was a huge part of my family life. We went multiple times a week. The community that I had of people at the church were our friends. They were our closest friends. We did life with them. And I learned through what was modeled to me. I learned through what was taught to me and through the collective experience to live in fear, to live afraid.

To live this life focused on the afterlife. I was truly told that really this life is very short, the afterlife is eternal. And what we do in this life forever impacts the next. And it's okay if we don't enjoy this life because it's all about the next. It's all about the eternal and the afterlife.

And there, there won't be any tears, there won't be any crying. So endure what we need to hear in this moment, because what's coming is better. And as much as I understand the heart of some of that, I sit and reflect and say, “I want to enjoy my life now and later”. And I want to experience whatever we think of as heaven, right? There's lots of ideas about what heaven might be and we don't sit here knowing but the ideas that I have of heaven I actually want to and feel like I get to experience in ways here on on this earth in my present life. 

I don't look at it as this experience I want to have one day after I have died, when my body is no longer and my spirit lives on. No, I want to experience a taste of that, or more than a taste. I want to experience the goodness of what we expect in the afterlife. I want to experience it now. And I believe that I get to, I do.

And this isn't so much about the theological components of what I'm talking about. And it's really not at all about, well, what you just said, Corinne, it doesn't all add up. Let's dissect what you said. Let's argue about it. See, that's what I grew up around. 

This is just me getting to share freely, comfortably, not worried about the judgment that might be passed on me because that's what I previously had to live afraid of. I was so familiar with judgment, with shame, with criticism, that I lived keeping myself small, shutting down my own voice, not speaking up, not sharing my opinion.

Going along with what was told, going along with what the leaders, the bigger people, the more powerful and influential people had to say. What was modeled to me was “We follow the leader, we listen to what the authorities in the church realm, in these worship settings, we listen to what they say. They are the end -all be -all”.

That's not to discredit the fact that I was very much brought up where we also listen and we follow what's written in the Bible. And I know different religions have their own book. But where I was coming from, the Bible was everything. And this isn't, again, to argue about the relevance, about the significance of the scriptures. 

Really, this is a moment to reflect on this idea that when we're told, listen and do without question. We lose our autonomy. We give up our own individuality, our personalities. We stop using the mind we were given in the fullness of what we could be using it for.

We disregard our heart. I was even taught that our heart is wicked. It's not good. You can't trust it. Now I know the heart is beautiful. People are good. People are beautiful. There is so much goodness in the world. It doesn't discount the hate, the awful things that are done.

But I was conditioned to see the world as ugly and as awful. And you know what? My heart always believes something different. I innately look at people and look at this world, this earth as good and as beautiful. But that part wasn't cultivated. 

I've had to learn to cultivate who I innately am. And I'm grateful that my husband and other people in my life have spurred me on, have said, “No, keep being you, Corinne”. Even at times when they were embarrassed by what I would do as authentically being me.

Consider little kids when we let them be themselves. Sometimes, you know, they experience emotions and sensations in their body that feel overwhelming to them. They don't know what to do, so they fall on the floor and they roll around.

Let's check in with ourselves because are we feeling embarrassed? Are we feeling shamed? Are we feeling judged? And by the other people or by the voices in our head? And so we stop that behavior instead of just allowing the child to move through it, maybe meeting them and supporting them in it. Not worried about what other people think. 

Not considering these voices in our head that say, see their behaviors a reflection of you. You're not doing enough. You're not good enough. You need to stop that behavior.

As the child, we learn a lot through how our parental figures or the other caregivers around us respond to a situation like that. We learn a lot through our experiences in a church setting, in a place of worship when we're children.

Does everybody do things the same way? Or is there variation? Is individuality welcomed? An individuality of expression? Or, like in the experiences I had, was there really only a certain way to do things? And if you did things differently than that, for a little bit too long, you would get called out, reprimanded, or told, you can't do that anymore, you need to stop.

I encourage you to consider and reflect. Whether this, what I'm speaking of is a part of your past or a part of your current experience, or you don't relate to it in the sense of religion or a place of worship, but you relate to it in other ways because what I'm talking about is relevant to other areas of life. 

Our autonomy is something that in the home environment isn't often cultivated. There's an unspoken rule. There's one person who rules the roost and everybody else needs to fall in line with what they say. Or because of their rage, because of their reactions, for fear, we just follow along.

So going back to what was the impac? How did religious trauma show up in my life and in some of the lives of the people closest to me? Women were treated differently than men. They were subservient. They were not allowed to carry all the same roles in that worship setting. They were treated subserviently in homes.

The men were the ones to make that final decision or to really have most of the decision -making power. Women's identities were lost to simply being the wife, the mother, wonderful things. I love being a mom. I wouldn't trade it. I'm happy to be a wife. I also love the career choice that I've chosen. I love the fact that I am much more than just mom and wife. 

And I don't say just minimizing those roles. I say it as I'm more than only those things. And so are you. To each of us, there's so much more to us than even what we do, even the job we might have.

I was taught to shame my body. I was taught to hide my body. That I actually had a lot of power over other people. Consider the religions, and there are many, that keep the women hidden, that keep them modest. Really what I reflect on now is, “Wow, these men, there's a lot of fear”. These women have a lot of power and they recognize it. But what are they suggesting is their power? Is it their beauty? Is it the way they were designed?

Myself included, and all of you listening, we don't need to keep ourselves hidden or small because of someone else's reaction to us, because of somebody else's response. That's for them to figure out. That's for them to work through.

If my beauty or your beauty is too much for someone to handle and they feel like they can't control their impulses or they don't want to have to manage what that awakens in them. That's not my responsibility. It's not your responsibility to figure out. It's theirs to figure out. 

Of course, you know I'm saying this in moderation. Like, you know that I'm... If you know me at all, if you've listened to any of Empowered to Thrive, I am considerate of people. I said it recently and I'll say it again. This is not about being inconsiderate to everyone and only focusing on yourself and only considering yourself. Not at all. 

This is actually about considering yourself in addition to the others that you already consider. Instead of thinking you only are to consider everyone else. No, no, no, don't dismiss yourself. Don't belittle yourself. Don't hide yourself away. Take good care of you. Consider yourself. Respect yourself. Honor yourself as you do others.

Ah, sit here, feeling such gratitude for what I've come out of, because I still go to church sometimes. I still engage with places of worship and people who are of faith. I don't do it religiously. I don't go every week because it's the thing to do. I don't require that my family does something because it's important to me.

But I live with so much more freedom. I live so much more authentically. I live with so much more joy. And that creates, it just, it literally, I feel such a sense of gratitude when I reflect on all that. 

Oh, the way I used to live, what I used to feel inside, the people I called my friends and the way that they thought, the way that many of them still think, the way that they live, the judgment they pass. I'm not interested in it. I don't want it. I really love the life that I'm living.

I really, really, really sit here in awe and gratitude for the freedom that I feel. And there is more coming to me because as we're on the healing journey, there's always more. 

There's always more. But I know in this moment, goodness surrounds me. Goodness holds me and it envelops me. And this is not just for me. This is for you also. Goodness surrounds you. It holds you and it envelops you. Do you see it? Can you feel it? Engage with the goodness.

I am certain there's more I could say on this topic, but I'm not going to keep going. I like to keep my episodes short enough that for busy parents, for those of you just listening on your drive to work or on your drive to pick up your kids, that you can catch most of this episode.

Reach out if you're feeling like, I want to be able to share my side of things. I want to be able to share my story. I would love to hear it. I'm not looking for an argument that I'm not welcoming in. I'm welcoming in the hearts of those of you that want to have a place to share, that want to be heard.

Let's reflect on this as we go through our weeks. Notice how you're going through your days. Is fear a really close companion? Are you able to be your authentic self in most places? In what places are you not able to be that authentic self? Just get curious about why that might be. But the first step is noticing even, just noticing.

And I think next week we're going to talk about how the way that we practice our faith impacts our family, impacts our children, if you're a parent. And we're going to tie that in to also just consciously parenting. So I'm looking forward to it. I hope you'll join me. Same place, same time next week. 

Until then know that I am very glad that you're alive. And there is so much goodness for you to experience. So if you don't feel like you're experiencing enough of it, there's more. Run for it. Come sit with me if you want to find some deeper healing so that you can experience more of that goodness.

[Ending] Well, we've come to the end of another episode. Sit back and reflect about what you heard.  What’s the one thing you can resonate with you that you can take away and do something with? 

Let’s not just listen, let’s listen and take action. Now, action may look very different for us but it’s doing something with what we hear. I hope that you will share today’s episode with a friend you think would also enjoy it and please come back next week. 

I hope that you have a fabulous week and that you remember when you pillow your head at night, when you are going through your days, that who you are is good and I am so glad that you're alive.