Keep Your Sanity Intact with Alyssa Wolff

[Intro] Hello, and welcome to my podcast, Empowered to Thrive. I'm your host, Corinne Powell. I'm an intuitive guide, and I absolutely love helping people to heal from within so that they can create a life that they love, a life that they enjoy. 

We weren't meant to just tolerate and get through life. We were meant to thrive and enjoy the life we're living. Of course, we will have seasons and moments that are difficult and challenging. And the beauty of it is that we can be supported in those moments.

I am here to be an aid and a guide to support you. And I hope that you will enjoy not only today's episode, but some of the past episodes if you haven't heard them yet.

On this podcast, I talk about all things inner wellness. We also sprinkle in some spirituality and parenting, because as a mom to three kids, parenting is a big part of my life.

I hope that you enjoy the episode and that there's at least one thing you'll pull from it and start to implement into your own life.

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Alyssa Wolf is joining me today. Alyssa is a minimalist junkie, a God follower, an introvert, and a perpetual bookworm. Oh, and she's a mom of five.

She has 11 plus years of experience balancing multiple kids while still getting time to recharge. That's why she specializes in simplifying life for introverted minds. She can help you simplify your stuff, your sanity, and your schedule.  Afterwards, you get to go make a difference in the world and enjoy your kids a heck of a lot more.

I enjoyed this conversation that Alyssa and I had, and you're going to find that she starts out speaking, and by the second half of the conversation, she starts asking me some questions.

So stick with it, because by the end, you're going to have been able to pull so much from today's episode, and I believe it's going to benefit you deeply.

Corinne Powell: Alyssa, I'm so glad to have you, and thank you for coming on to share. I am excited to hear how you're going to help us keep our sanity intact at the end of the day, even.

And I love simple reflections. So whatever you have to teach us and share, I am all ears, and I'm sure all of our listeners are as well. 

Alyssa Wolff: Thanks, Corinne. Top thing I'd tell busy moms is pay attention to your needs during the day, not just your to-do list's needs, right?

So you're not letting your to-do list tell you everything that has to happen at all times during the day, regardless of whether you have the mental brain space to handle it at that time, as opposed to, well, in two hours after I've had lunch and the kids have had a nap and I've had another cup of coffee, I will be able to handle that. 

Since, yes. To-do lists are great. We need a way to remind ourselves of what we're going to do, but who said that you couldn't break up your day into the morning and the late morning and the early afternoon and late afternoon and kind of have the mini to-do list so you're not feeling like everything has to happen now? And if it doesn't happen now, I'm a failure. 

Corinne Powell: Right.

Alyssa Wolff: So I like to say, what is necessary to get done today? If no one has any more clean underwear, laundry is necessary. Okay. If it would be nice to do laundry so that you didn't have to in two days, well, that's, you know, that's not absolutely required. You know, if you're having one of those nasty, crazy days. Mm-hmm. And then you're just looking at, okay, if this is a nice to have, if I could skip this today or even for a whole week without any repercussions, that's something you can cut from your list. That will help the insane part go down for you. 

Corinne Powell: Makes sense. Yes, it would.

Alyssa Wolff: Same for any of the, like, the meal planning type of stuff. Can you just say we are eating the same seven to ten meals? I can go back to my Pinterest recipes, you know, next month or next semester when I have more energy. You know, it's not a permanent downgrading, but you're giving yourself a break.

And then what especially helps me is when it's just, ugh, the kids, I can't deal with saying, okay, what do I need to do to make this this easier?

Instead of framing it as how can I be more productive to rescue the day, what would make me feel better about the day? You know, the 20-minute sit down, take a nap, saying, never mind, we're going to order pizza tonight instead of me cooking something for 40 minutes.

There's going to be some small tweak you can make that's not maybe the productivity time management because that seems to come from an angle of see how much you can get done, how fast you can do it.

You know, which is a rather stressful, pressuring way to go about it versus saying, I'm the mom, I'm running the house. What do I need to best show up for that?

Especially if you've been up with babies, your kids are sick. You know, we don't always show up at full capacity all the time. And that's just reality with small kids in the house. I don't know how old yours are. Mine are two through 13.

Corinne Powell: Okay. Yeah. I have a six-year-old, eight and nine-year-old. 

Alyssa Wolff: Okay. Yeah. That's a nice age. They're not waking you up a ton at night, but they can start doing things around the house too to help. 

Corinne Powell: Yes. Yes. We, wish it was a little less waking up at night, but sometimes it still seems like something, you know, whether it's somebody woke up to a bad dream or somebody feeling good, but you're right. They're getting older. And it makes it easier. Yeah. 

Alyssa Wolff: It could almost be more jarring when you have the expectation, you're not a newborn, you should be waking me up. You are right.

We're out of the habit of coping with a lack of sleep. So what I like to do in those situations is look for whatever tasks on my list. Don't take much brain power.

Maybe you had this whole thing planned out, but all you can handle is like flipping through the cookbooks and saying what sounds interesting. Definitely not a shopping and food prepping day. Well, it was still useful. It still got done, but, you know, have a bank of, you know, sleep deprivation tasks, kind of a thing of whatever your most common, you know, sick kids, you know, whatever the most common scenario is for you. Yeah. And you still feel like you're making progress. 

Corinne Powell: Right. But I love what you're saying though, because I thick. Definitely the pressure is off. You're, you're basically saying you can pivot, you can change your mind, come up with a different plan that's best for you and for the family that day, which aligns with everything that I have come to understand, like letting go of the pressure and the expectations and considering what's best for you in this day and for the kids, the family.

Alyssa Wolff: Yeah. It's just, it's such a different mindset to come at things. I don't know why it's so hard, but it is. It's like, we think our worth is dependent on getting the fancy Asian stir fry with, you know, 10 different sauce ingredients on the table, instead of fetching the frozen pizza or whatever's in our freezer for the kind of night that this is, but we think we should use it.

Corinne Powell: Is this a mindset you always carried or is this something you've, you've come to embrace?

Alyssa Wolff: This is kind of a new mindset. Ever since listening to Ali Kassaz's stuff, I'm trying to say what is lighter and what is easier is a perfectly valid viewpoint. And in fact, will make me a lot happier with my life and that there's nothing wrong with that. 

Corinne Powell: Yeah. I second that Ali's is definitely a go-to person for all parents, I would say. And she has helped me create a life that's, less stress as well. 

Alyssa Wolff: Cause I can't, come out things from the go, go, go do more accomplished and achieve and goal setting perspective. So I feel like I need someone like Ali in my life to say, no, no, no. What's the in tune, and the intuitive thing to do. 

It does not come naturally, but I really like the way our family life goes and my own personal life goes when I listen to her side of it.

Can we move on to the reflection techniques? 

Corinne Powell: Sure. 

Alyssa Wolff: Okay. So I've got two, two sets of threes for you first, the three points during the day. I like to check in since I am, you know, staying at home, working from home the morning before the day gets started the midway through the morning. Cause you still have time before lunch to get some things done.

And then at your nap time, afternoon, quiet time, you know, that kind of break to say, is there any last thing that absolutely must get done before I go to bed or am I all good?

So you're setting the intention, you're kind of doing a midway check and then you're, you're looking for any last and not to put more things on your to-do list, but just to make sure any one of those has to get done crucial things. You know, if you didn't have energy earlier, that's okay. We can deal with it around sonnner. 

That was the first set of three. The second set of three is what questions do I actually like to go through at those points? So I know some people have a big long list of things. That's fun when you have space for journaling for 30 minutes, but not really, you know, the crazy day, you know? 

So I like to just say what has to get done today. What am I thankful for right now? Cause you know, gratitude works. And the one I find really interesting is what do I want to do next? What do I want to get done? Because it's bringing that emotional intuition gut thing in to your to-do list. And you're saying, well, actually I would feel a weight off if I got the laundry in. 

You know what? I do want that done. And it's a way of motivating as well as finding good things about your day. 

Corinne Powell: Yeah. I can feel that it would shift the perspective, even to pause and to consider what, what you're grateful for in that moment, because sometimes in the craziness of the day and when plans change and the stressors are there, it is easy to forget. So that's good. I'm going to utilize that. 

Alyssa Wolff: Yeah. And you know, the thankful for, I'm thankful you know, I've got my next cup of coffee. I'm thankful the kids' rooms have a door. I can close the door for now. I mean, you can be really, you can be really nitty gritty granular if you need to be that day. 

Here's some more from you too. 

Corinne Powell: Okay. What, what are you curious about? What would you like to hear?

Alyssa Wolff: Probably like the main focus for you and what you like to tell moms, since it seems like we have a lot of overlap and this is a really fun conversation. So, you know, I've been talking a lot. So what about you?

Corinne Powell: Okay. Yeah. I love telling people kind of what, what I felt like you were saying overall - is the pressure's off. Like you're doing good enough to perfection is not the goal. And, I say all that because I grew up being taught that perfection was, the goal, but like you also never can be perfect. So you're striving for a goal that feels like you're never going to reach it. And so, you know, so  I spend most of my time helping people to understand what they authentically enjoy, who they authentically are, and to start living from a place of truth. 

And a lot of that comes through letting go, at least for the individuals I work with. I identified as a people pleaser and many, many individuals I work with do as well. And so it requires letting go of even what you touched on, the idea that somebody said dinner should be this way or dinner should look like this and letting go of other people's expectations on us and really living our life in the way that is best for us and the people closest to us. 

And so, I mean, it splinters off into many things. And, you know, we do a lot of journaling. We do a lot of the deeper inner work and work to focus and heal our inner child, because we're all just grown adults living in the same body. And so what we experience in childhood still affects us in our present day. So, you know, that's a quick synopsis of what I do and how I try to help people wherever they're at.

Alyssa Wolff: That's so good. So like if someone, do you have like a top first tip or a top three things for moms who are maybe thinking Yeah, I maybe want to start this authentically, embracing myself and getting rid of that everything has to be perfect. Whatever the culture says, you know, motherhood needs to look like, like, what would you tell her?

Corinne Powell: Yeah, I think I would, I would encourage her to become mindful first and to consider her why. So as she's going through her days, why is she saying what she's saying or not saying it? Why is she doing the things that she's doing? 

What's the deeper, the deeper, the deeper, the deeper, the underlying reason? And then as we understand that about ourselves, it helps to clarify. And then we can decide, oh, I want to continue to do this because I actually can see why I'm doing it. And that aligns with my values. It aligns with who I authentically am, or, wow, I didn't realize why I was doing that. I want to let that go and to create a change in my life.

Alyssa Wolff: Yeah. That's really huge. So I'm going to throw out a guess. Do you get into boundaries a lot?

Corinne Powell: Yes. Yes. That is definitely something that comes up. Especially if someone is familiar with, you know, people pleasing because we let go of our boundaries to make everyone else happy and to make sure they're all okay at our expense. And part of that is just a parental downfall because our kids need us. 

So there is a lot of opportunities for us to put ourselves aside, which is important, but within that balance, if we can call it a balance of knowing, like you said, we also have needs to as the adult, as the mom.

Alyssa Wolff: Which is something I'm really trying to learn and step into right now. So do you have any like practical advice for me? Like I'm to the point where I can realize what a healthy boundary is. would be if I had come at a situation with family and say, you know what, they want this, but what would really support me or my energy or how my kids are doing at the moment is this other thing. 

But I don't always cross the bridge to letting them know the different expectation I would rather have for this event or commitment or fighting for it. So, you know, I've started on the path and boundaries, but I'm not always actually living them out.

Corinne Powell: Yes. And do you consider what's deeper, what's below the surface for you? Why you don't express to them what you need or really push for what you need?

Alyssa Wolff: Because I hate being guilted into things. So I feel like if I said, no, no, I want this. And someone says, but we need this to happen. You should give up your, your selfish comfort and desires and go serve help out in this way.

Corinne Powell: Yeah. So that's tricky because you genuinely care. And so you don't want to act selfish, but then you also realize if you give and give and give, you'll get to your breaking point and then everything will have to stop so that you can fill your tank up again. 

So I don't know. Here's a thought, maybe keeping in perspective the larger picture, like if I continue to suppress my needs, what will that mean for me down the road? And I don't, I don't know if that would help, but that's what comes to me right now. Just kind of like considering the long-term for yourself and recognizing that your decisions in these moments are affecting the long-term. 

Alyssa Wolff: I usually feel like I've spent a lot of energy learning from Allie and how to model my day and my week and my family. And I've learned how to set it up in a way that works really, really well. And then I feel like along comes someone else and says, oh, here, I need you to do this. And since you're the stay at home mom, you should be able to do it. 

And I'm like, “ah, you didn't realize that this part of my day is actually set aside for this”. 

Corinne Powell: Yes. Yes. And, and so I think you're right. That's is difficult because people put their expectations on us and they assume. And so, I would encourage you, in your own time, to consider the reason, where did that originate? That idea that you should let go of what you need so someone else has what they need or, you know, oh, I could reconsider my situation so that this other person doesn't have to feel uncomfortable. 

If any of that resonates with you, then I would just encourage you to look a little deeper. Like where did that originate? And, you know, what's the underlying belief there? You know, what does it say about you? If you keep pushing for what you need and that other person doesn't get what they need. 

Alyssa Wolff: That is really good. Yes. I'm going to write that down so I can do some of that journaling. blocks the stuff on it thank you.

Corinne Powell: If you have other questions I'm happy to answer them otherwise I definitely want you to be able to share where our listeners can find you and I know you had a free resource that you wanted to share with them as well and I'll include that in the notes.

Alyssa Wolff: Thank you so much for the boundary advice that I think that will really help me get to the root what I've been feeling and I bet a lot of moms have that with the you know extended family and stuff so yes for where people can find me I'm at yourunbusylife.com so a new podcast episode comes out every tuesday.

And then I have a free download for your listeners called your mom life reset button as both you and I are big into journaling so this is a series of guided journaling prompts that will help you figure out what's going wrong with your days and weeks and some actual practical steps to do to fix it.

So we don't just sit there saying I hate my life and then that's all we do is we complain to our partners, we complain to our friends and we hope that things will get better when the kids are older. Well, how about taking back the power and actually doing something about it you know?

Corinne Powell: Yes that's great.

Alyssa Wolff: So this is designed to be.

Corinne Powell: Okay thank you.

Alyssa Wolff: You're so welcome Corinne.

[Ending] We've come to the end. What did you think about what you heard? I hope that there's something you pull from today's episode and start implementing it into your life.

Create the change that you want to see, the change that you hear about. You have the opportunity to transform your life. And I'm ready to link arms with you and to help and guide you to the life that you want to live.

If you resonated with what you heard today and it touched you, would you share it with your friends? Would you also go ahead and rate my podcast and write a written review? It would mean so much to me. 

I hope that we'll connect, whether it's for a session or just to connect because I enjoy meeting new people. You can find me on Instagram, @corinne_changeradically⁠ or on Facebook Change Radically. You can also always email me corinne@changeradically.com. If you have thoughts, questions, or anything that you just want to talk about, send me an email. 

I hope that you have a wonderful week, but no matter what your week is like in the moments that are quiet, maybe it's when you pillow your head at night or when you're driving in the car or taking a walk, or maybe it's going to be in the midst of the chaos with your children or with the craziness of work. I hope that you'll remember how significant you are, that there is meaning and value to your life. And that I for one, I'm so glad that you're alive. 

Catch you again next week.