What is a toxic tought pattern?

[Intro] Hello, and welcome to my podcast, Empowered to Thrive. I'm so glad you joined me today. I'm your host, Corinne Powell.

I help people-pleasers find happiness, embrace courage, and experience peace of mind through inner child healing.

If you're desperate for change and not sure how to make it happen, I'm here to guide you along the way. In this space, you'll find motivation to live a life full of joy and resilience.

We will talk all things inner wellness, with spirituality interwoven at times. Being a mom to three, parenting will be a topic of conversation for sure. So happy to have you. Enjoy today's episode. 

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So let's go right into it. Toxic shame. Here's what I want to talk about today.

I want to tell you what you can do when you feel like shame. Shame is starting to rise up in you, and it's starting to affect your day.

Remember I mentioned that sometimes you have that feeling like you just wish you hadn't said what you said or did what you did. You just wish you could be invisible, or you have that feeling in your stomach, that feeling because of how you feel like you acted or the conversation you had. 

When you're replaying those conversations or you're thinking back to what just happened and you're feeling shame about it. What you can do is interrupt those thoughts as they're showing up, and start changing the thoughts. So you're literally starting to restructure things within your brain. So stop the thought and start saying the opposite.

What is true about you, even if it doesn't feel true? If you feel like what you said, you shouldn't have said, well, were you speaking your mind? Were you sharing your thoughts? Were you sharing your opinion? Did your opinion or your thoughts oppose the other person's? That's okay. You get to freely share your mind. You should get to share your opinion, your voice and your thoughts. Your viewpoint is just as valid as the other person's. 

Or do you feel like your actions were out of line? Ok, if they really truly were, then you could acknowledge that within yourself, but also say, you know what? We all get to make mistakes. So I didn't act the way I think I should have in that situation. But I could do differently next time. Everybody makes mistakes. And this was my turn to make a mistake. 

It's changing the narrative. So you stop being so critical towards yourself. So you stop empowering the inner or the outer critic if there was an outside voice that said it that's an outer critic if it's your internal voice, that's the inner critic. You want to stop those critics from speaking because really they're creating those feelings of shame within the self within you and it's not okay. 

You have the power to change that and yes it will take a lot of intention you will have to be deliberate about it time and time and time again but here's what I can guarantee you the more you do it you begin to start believing what you're saying. Not initially, it might not feel true to you, you might think no “I shouldn't have said my opinion should have just kept quiet the conversation wouldn't have gotten heated we wouldn't have had that argument or that disagreement it would have just been more peaceful”. 

So is it your job to keep the peace? Is it your job to just always you let the other person have the floor? Sometimes maybe not all the time so if this is a pattern and you realize that's your pattern no I would suggest this is my suggestion - I know this is not going to work across the board - I would suggest that there's a reason you feel like your voice shouldn't be heard and you could investigate that look into that where did that start where did it originate why do I feel like my voice is in as a worth being heard as the next person's? 

So anyways, whether you resonated with that or not, shame. Stop the thoughts that are coming in and change them to something more kind, more compassionate, more loving, understanding. You get the drift here, okay? 

Positive self-talk is all good, but it's even better when you're allowing it to penetrate. You're not just cognitively saying the right things. You're letting your heart feel them. So you might need to say those things that you're saying over yourself a few times. And then the next day, you're going to need to say it again. And you're going to need to let your whole being absorb the truth about what you're saying. It's a transformation within the whole body. 

I'm not just talking about thinking good things, being a positive person. Fine. But if you don't really believe those things and they're not resonating within you, it's only going to last so long. But the beauty is we do start to absorb and believe whatever it is we're hearing. So as you change the narrative of what you're telling yourself in your head, you will start to believe it. If you do it long enough, you're going to start to believe it. You don't believe the things you believe for no reason. It's because you heard them enough or you mulled over them in your mind enough. So that's the first thing you can do, it's very basic, but you can see how it could be pretty intense, complex. 

I mean, if you're willing to do it, if you're willing to become aware of what am I really thinking? Why is that there? What should I change that thought to? Okay, it works. Promise you. I've seen tons of transformation in my own life by doing basic things like that and then more complex things.

But, you know, I want to remind you again, like I said last week, you are a beautiful person. You're valuable. I understand you have been shamed by people and you know that that shouldn't have been. And I am one voice who wants to say, I'm really sorry. I am really sorry for the voices in your life, the people in that, in your life that made you feel like you weren't good enough. That something about you was not okay. That something about you was wrong. 

Who you are is amazing. You're unique. You're yourself. You're going to be different than other people. Not everybody's going to like it and that's okay. You are welcome here in my space. I honor your life. I know, I'm convinced that you carry tons of significance and value.

And it's not based off of your performance. It's simply because you are. Simply because you are. You are valuable. You are significant. You're a big deal in a great way. So until we connect again next week, I want you to think about those truths. Maybe those are things you need to say over yourself when you start hearing the critic. Maybe that's what you need to say. Remind yourself of some of those truths that I just mentioned.

[Ending] I want to close out today's episode by thanking you for being here with me. We've made it to the end and I hope what I shared has been helpful. If there is anything I've mentioned that you want to talk about in more depth, I would be so glad to connect with you. 

You can always find me on Instagram at @corinne_changeradically⁠ or go directly to my website, changeradically.com. Of course, within the show notes, there's other ways that you can connect with me. And if there is someone that you think would benefit from this podcast, please share it with them. To help my podcast get more growth and reach more people, I would be happy to help you. So if you have any questions, please subscribe, review, and rate it. And until next week, I'm wishing you the very best.