Boundaries and Promises to the Self: An Excerpt from the Change Radically Program
[Intro] Hello and welcome to my podcast, Empowered to Thrive. I'm your host, Corinne Powell. I'm an intuitive guide, and I absolutely love helping people to heal from within so that they can create a life that they love, a life that they enjoy.
We weren't meant to just tolerate and get through life. We were meant to thrive and enjoy the life we're living. Of course, we will have seasons and moments that are difficult and challenging, and the beauty of it is that we can be supported in those moments. I am here to be an aid and a guide to support you, and I hope that you will enjoy not only today's episode, but some of the past episodes if you haven't heard them yet.
On this podcast, I talk about all things inner wellness. We also sprinkle in some spirituality and parenting because as a mom to three kids, parenting is a big part of my life. I hope that you enjoy the episode and that there's at least one thing you'll pull from it and start to implement into your own life.
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Corinne Powell: Hello again, and I have another excerpt for you from phase one of the change radically program. Very excited to bring it to you. I hope that you've been enjoying these last few weeks and that you've been benefiting from them. In today's episode, you might feel it's a little less flowy, and perhaps sometimes it feels choppy to you, and that's because these are excerpts I'm taking parts of the longer conversation.
For each episode that you've heard. We had an hour and a half long conversation. I do not share what the members disclose without their permission, and certain times the topic seems sensitive enough to me that I am actually not even asking for their permission to share it. We have a very small group each time that I run my groups, and that's intentional and purposeful.
I have about nine or less participants, and it's a confidential place, it's a safe place, and what is said in group is meant to stay in group, unless, of course, I've gotten their permission. And then you've heard some of the members sharing, and for today, I wanted to mention that before we jump into the episode, I hope that you enjoy it and that you're touched by it.
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Corinne Powell: So for this week, the focus was a bit on the mirror work like you guys were talking about, but then also setting boundaries, knowing what our focus and our goals are and aligning our life with them. I think it's much easier to know what to say yes to and what to say no to when you know your focus, when you know what your goals are. And then that idea of keeping promises to ourself. And I guess it's just that idea that if we say we'll do something, will we follow through? And I don't know if it was in the video I sent or just something else I've said, but we can't determine how anyone else is going to live out their life or how they're going to treat us. But what we do have control over, even though it may not feel like we have control over it, is ourself and what we will follow through with.
And I feel like that actually creates or can create a bit of safety within the self to know, you know what? I can be true to my word. I can be true to myself. I can respect myself, I can treat myself well, with compassion, with love. And so it changes the dynamic, because, yes, we hope for that from everyone else. Ideally, we should get that from everyone else, but we know we don't always, and we can't guarantee that. But if at least we can start with us and become the person that we would hope somebody else would be towards us, it impacts the self in a tremendous way because we're finally saying, I'm not joining all the other bullies and bullying me or mistreating me. I'm going to advocate and what we probably easily do for everybody else.
I know you all have an easy time being kind and compassionate and respectful towards everyone else. So it's like, okay, we are leveling the playing field and we're including ourselves. And you bring up a good point. So when you're doing the inner work, and especially when you're willing to go deep, you do have to incorporate play and fun in life in general. But especially when you're on the healing journey and you're doing the work, it is so important. So I definitely make a practice of either listening to fun music, just sitting in stillness. Sometimes when I'm driving, watching. Like the other night, Evan picked out a movie because he would pick out something that's like action adventure, which usually takes us a few nights to watch a movie. So it took us like three nights. We watched it in chunks, but it was like a movie where it was just, you're going to enjoy it.
You're not like watching something that's emotionally intensive because it's not what I need. So doing fun things is super important.
So are there any boundaries that you feel like you need to incorporate so boundaries in the sense of maybe you're giving too much of yourself away. Maybe you're allowing people to take advantage of you or something of the like. And in that regard, is there anything you need to do to almost change the dynamic of a relationship? But it would be through your initiation, through your change.
When we finally decide we're not going to let people treat us a certain way, that's a powerful piece of ownership where we recognize, you know what? I can't put all the blame on them because I'm allowing or enabling it. But what I like about that is we actually do have a lot. There is power in our hands. It's not just the other person. And so it enhances the perspective. At least that's how I see it. Like, oh, okay, I can actually do something about this. Not just a victim to how they're going to treat me. Maybe one time I was. Maybe one time you were right. And true friends, like, you'll give some, but then they'll give some. So it's a give and a take. So if their friendships are more you giving, then you get to evaluate what type of relationship is this. The urgency culture where people are like, it has to be done right now and you're the only one. And I don't know what I'm going to do if you don't say yes, is something that is hard to push back against.
But truly, when I talked in one of the other videos about creating a lifestyle of rest, interwoven in that is that idea that, you know, what if we just pause and look at the situation and we take 90 seconds for our emotion to pass through us so that we can go from being frantic to maybe settled, it can wait or things may get better.
You know, when you're in the heat of something and you're like, I just say that to reiterate, yes, you saying no, you not being able to do it when they need is okay. And sometimes the boundaries. Do you mind a little bit of feedback right now?
Client: No, go for it.
Corinne Powell: Okay. So sometimes with boundaries, I find it helpful when I say I can't help you right now, but I could on this date. Maybe that date is two weekends away. But it makes me feel like I'm choosing when is good for me. I'm still offering them help. I'm still being a friend, if that's the concern. But it's also, in a way, on your timetable because as we learn to respect and help not just the friend, but ourself, it makes it easier for us to see. Okay, well, I could do this, but when is good for me instead of just considering, well, what do they need? What's good for them?
And another way I find it helpful with boundaries is so they say they need an hour, but it is never, like you said, it's never an hour. It always becomes more, well, really offering whatever amount of time you want. So if you want to offer 1 hour, then you offer 1 hour. And you know, within yourself, I held true to my commitment. I was a caring friend and I gave them an hour of my time. If they need more, that's not on you. So there's a couple angles, but I just feel like sometimes it is easier to kind of compromise, but in a way that you still feel like you're empowered and you're the one making the decisions as to how you're going to help, when you're going to help, and how much you're going to help you.
[Ending] We've come to the end. What did you think about what you heard? I hope that there's something you pull from today's episode and start implementing it into your life. Create the change that you want to see, the change that you hear about. You have the opportunity to transform your life, and I'm ready to link arms with you and to help and guide you to the life that you want to live.
If you resonated with what you heard today and it touched you, would you share it with your friends? Would you also go ahead and rate my podcast and write a written review? It would mean so much to me.
I hope that we'll connect, whether it's for a session or just to connect, because I enjoy meeting new people. You can find me on Instagram, @corinne_changeradically, or on Facebook. Change Radically. You can also always email me corinne@changeradically.com if you have thoughts, questions, or anything that you just want to talk about, send me an email.
I hope that you have a wonderful week. But no matter what your week is like, in the moments that are quiet, maybe it's when you pillow your head at night, or when you're driving in the car or taking a walk, or maybe it's going to be in the midst of the chaos with your children or the craziness of work. I hope that you'll remember how significant you are, that there is meaning and value to your life, and that I, for one am so glad that you're alive.
Catch you again next week.
