How do I learn to be with myself?

[Intro] Hello and welcome to Empowered to Thrive. I'm your host Corinne Powell. I'm so glad you're here.

No matter what type of day you're having, you're always welcome. I like having you around. This space is especially designed for the person who goes about life focused on everyone else while neglecting their own needs.

The person who says yes when inwardly they want to say no. The person who is frustrated at all they do because they don't receive much in return. If that's you, I'm going to put out some great ideas on how you can change those patterns and get unstuck.

Life isn't meant to be tolerated. It should be enjoyed. So let's get to it.

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Corinne Powell: Hello, friend. I'm so glad to have this time to chat with you. I want to share with you about how I've come to be comfortable as my authentic self. There's so much to it and it's been a gradual process.

If you feel like you don't know who you are, you don't know your likes and dislikes, you don't show up in relationships and really share your needs. You just meet the needs of other people. You're a great listener, but people may not really know who you are, what type of day you're having, what you would want to do, then you too can get to the place where all that feels more comfortable, where it's easier to be honest about how you're really doing, where you're able to share your likes and dislikes. You're able to say when someone suggests a meeting point, you know what, could we actually meet up here instead? Instead of just accommodating, you recognize they care about me and it's even if they didn't, it would still be all right to express my desires.

And the gradual process looked like doing, always doing the uncomfortable thing. People will say to me about certain parts of my life, you do that so easily. You're so natural at that. And they talk about how afraid they are and I always want people to know I didn't come to doing this so naturally because it was always easy. I came to doing it so naturally because I practiced when it was hard, when it was scary as shit.

And over time, it did get more comfortable. It did get easier because the intrusive thoughts got quieter and quieter. The voices of shame became less and less. I started to celebrate and appreciate and love myself more than ever. And I started to surround myself with people who also celebrated me, who liked me for who I am. But how could I know if they liked me for who I am if they never saw who I authentically am?

You see, it's up to us to show people the real you, the real me. They won't know if they like you, if they don't know who you are. If we become the chameleon, we say the thing we think other people want us to say, we act in the way that we feel is appropriate or expected, and we never share our opinion. We never do what we would truly want to do - how expect people to like us? They don't even know who we are. It's only up to us if we will show up authentically. Nobody else can do that for us. 

So what feels hard initially becomes easier over time. What feels uncomfortable becomes more comfortable. What feels risky and scary gets a little bit easier or gets a lot easier. Anytime you're starting a new practice, it's going to be difficult. You're going to not know what to do or you're going to be a little shaky or rusty. And then you get better at it as you go. Think about it. Think about the sport you tried out, the instrument you began to play, the job that you became skilled at. Did you start that way? And if you think about all those areas, I mean, maybe you're really skilled, but did you start at everything where it was easy? What's the one thing that was harder initially that got easier over time? Think about that example and apply that to what I'm saying. 

I think it is really important to both learn how to like our own self and to surround ourselves with people that like us. But over time, I think what becomes most important is that you like who you are. Because I can't sit here and guarantee you're always going to be surrounded by people that like you. But if you always like you, then you're always going to be surrounded by somebody who likes you. You hear my emotion, because it is so deep in my core, this message, that we must fall in love with ourselves in order to show up authentically, in order to not need other people for us to be alright. 

It is so wonderful to have great friends, to have a supportive partner, to be engulfed in a community that celebrates you. But that may not always be the case, but you will always be with you. Work at loving yourself. Strive to support yourself and you will be doing so well. Your inner child, that little girl or boy you used to be, deserves your loving support. They may not have had a parent who liked them. They may not have been treated well by the siblings they grew up around. You might not have had great teachers or other people in your life. But now you are the wise loving adult who can show up for that little kid you used to be. Figuratively speaking. 

But the cells of your body remember how all this feels to feel rejected, to feel disliked, to not be invited. You get to show up for that little person in your mind's eye and say, “Hey, I like who you are. I wanna be with you. Come on, come with me”. You're living every day with yourself, but are you actually happy with that? Do you speak rudely about yourself? Put yourself down? Shame yourself? Or do you actually feel deep within your core the celebration over your life? 

Do you look in the mirror and like what you see? I used to hate what I saw in the mirror. I would look in the mirror and I would only see the flaws. I would see the things that I didn't like. I would think so rudely of myself. Now I look in the mirror and I smile back at that girl I see. Because I like her so much! Because I think she's amazing! It might sound odd to you and that's all right if it is. I listen to my own messages like the podcast episodes because I have to preview them before I publish them. And my words speak to my own soul.

It's like I'm listening to somebody else and I'm like, wow. Wow, what she's saying is beautiful. That's not about being prideful, full of myself. That's not disgusting. That's an embodiment of love. That's being able to line myself up with the people I consider my best friends, my favorite people, and being in that lineup. If you already experience it, you know how satisfactory it is. If you don't yet know that, I want to encourage you that you can, because I know what it's like to hate that image in the mirror, and I know what it's like to love that image in the mirror. If I can experience it, so can you. 

Do you want it? Are you willing to do the inner work to get there? Because if you are, I'm ready to help you. There's some really practical things we'll do. There's other things we'll do that might feel less practical, but just as important.

And embracing yourself means you can show up authentically, giving other people the chance to embrace you as well. And when they reject you, it hurts, but it doesn't hurt as badly because you're not rejecting yourself alongside of them. You accept yourself. So you get to be the kind friend who comes alongside the person who's rejected. And you come with empathy and care. And that makes a world of difference.

So what do you say? Do you want to grow in this place of self-love? To live supporting yourself more? To like the image you see in the mirror? If you say yes, Corinne, yes, I do, then reach out, go to my website, changeradically.com, book a free discovery call with me, and we can chat about how I can come alongside you and support you, because I want this for you as well. I know how good it feels to live in this place and I know how hard it was to live where I previously lived.

I want you to be able to love the life you're living. To love the person you see when you look in the mirror. I'm rooting for you and I celebrate you. I like who you are. Try me. I've heard from thousands of people where they share their deepest secrets. They share the things about themselves that they feel shame around. And I'm able to still look at them and see the goodness about them. I see their true self. I'm able to look at them and like the person I see, even knowing what they shared with me and understanding that's part of their story. That's part of their life as well. If you're thinking, I don't know, Corinne, you gotta give it a try. It'll be only then you'll know whether it's the case for you. But I sit here confident. I celebrate you. I like the person you are.

[Outro] We've come to the end of another episode. I'm so glad you stuck around. As you consider what you've heard, what's the one thing that especially resonated with you? What's one way you can start to implement change into your life? Too much too soon isn't sustainable.

Start small and go slow. Consistency is key. If you appreciate what you're hearing on Empower to Thrive, would you kindly leave me a review and rate my podcast? It helps a lot.

I hope you'll share the episode with a friend and come back next week. And don't forget, I'm so glad you're alive.