How can I change myself?

[Intro] Hello and welcome to Empowered to Thrive. I'm your host Corinne Powell. I'm so glad you're here.

No matter what type of day you're having, you're always welcome. I like having you around. This space is specially designed for the person who goes about life focused on everyone else while neglecting their own needs.

The person who says yes when inwardly they want to say no. The person who is frustrated at all they do because they don't receive much in return. If that's you, I'm going to put out some great ideas on how you can change those patterns and get unstuck.

Life isn't meant to be tolerated. It should be enjoyed. So let's get to it.

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Corinne Powell: Hello friends, how are you doing? How's your summer going? I am excited for today's conversation because it is all about change and I'm all about change. And I want to start off by saying, I'm not looking for you or myself to change because I don't like our current version. I love change because it allows us the opportunity for so much more, because it enhances life. And so let's talk about what started me on the journey to change. Story is fun, so I want to give you a little story. And then we'll get into some practicals. 

So I was fresh out of high school and I heard somebody talking about living, basically loving their life. Living with happiness, living with joy, excited to be alive. And I thought to myself, "That's humanly possible? I'm just getting through my days. I'm just making it by and barely. I am not excited about being alive." And even though I experienced moments of joy, they are momentary. And I heard somebody saying, that my reality could be completely different because they were saying that their reality was completely different. 

And I'm one of those people who hears somebody say something and I think to myself, if you got that, if you achieved that, if you experienced that, then I can too, why not? And so it was literally that comment that sparked something in me and it has never died out. And I've been on the healing journey ever since. 

And so fresh out of high school, I started diving into my inner world. What was going on in it? What were my subconscious beliefs? Where did they originate? And I woke up to so many things. And there were many things I did not wake up to that I still was not consciously aware of. And there's layers. So I use many different modalities for healing over the years, and they have all been helpful in their own right, in their own timing. I have found support from several different healers, and I'm grateful to each one of them. I'm grateful for the season they were in my life, for the modality they brought to it.

My healing journey has been diversified and I do think I'm better off for that. It's also been a wonderful way to experience many forms of help because there's the cognitive piece, the mind, the brain, there's a somatic body piece, there's the inner child piece, and there's more.

And so being able to focus on all these different components to healing has really been a beautiful process, a beautiful journey. Not to say that it's always been comfortable, but truly beautiful. And change is possible for all of us. I believe it starts with this desire within us for something to be different than it presently is. And it must come with a drive, with a force within us that says I am willing to do something about what's going on now to experience what I dream of having in the future.

So perhaps we have an eye on the future with a heart for the present. And there is so much to the healing journey. There's these components of coming to love the person that we are, coming to embrace and accept and like our authentic self. And then working through these components of how our conditioning and how we are raised affects us. 

Being willing to shatter the ideas that we've had, the ideas that created a lot of safety for us because they felt concrete. When you start to question things and when you start to explore and say, this is the way it's always been, but is this the only way? It can feel a bit risky because it's new, it's uncomfortable, it's unknown. But that is the way to experience the goodness, the health, the healing that we long for. If you're here in this space Empowered to Thrive, my best guess is that you long for healing, that you're already on your journey or you're sitting there ready, ready to start. And I want to give you a few tips that can get you moving forward in the direction you want to go. 

So first, sit in reflection to notice what is your dream reality? What do you hope for in the future? What do you want life to look like, to feel like, to be? And in that, how do you want to be? How do you wanna look and sound and feel? What is the ideal version of you, your dream version gonna be?

And the goal is not to create pressure on yourself within yourself to make these things happen. Really, the best thing you can do is look at it as being on a roller coaster, being on a ride at the amusement park that you got on, you waited in line long enough, right? Maybe a bit scared. Maybe you did it with a friend because the friend really wanted to go on or your child really wanted to go on.

And now you're strapped in the seat and you're like, my goodness, I don't think I want to do this ride, but I waited so long. I'm strapped in. I'm just going to do it. And then you're in it. You're just in it for the ride. Whatever it might be, you're on it. You're not getting off at that point. It's scary. Maybe there's moments of exhilaration and highs and it's over quick. And then you're off. I think it might feel like that in some ways that.

You know you want the end goal. You're not sure what the process is going to be like and it does feel risky and scary, but you're like, I'm there. I'm doing it. Just be in it for the ride. The pressures off of you. This is not about what you can make it to be. This is being willing to go along the ride. Yes, you're going to have to be willing to cooperate, right? To be a part of the process. To be a big part. No one can make you do anything. You're the only one who's going to be able to look within, to be able to get curious and to notice what's going on deep within you. What are the subconscious beliefs that really dictate the way you do life? What are the ways that you show up and interact with people. 

What are your hopes and dreams and why are they not your reality? Grief is going to be a part of the process. There's going to be ways that you come to see how things weren't the way they should have been. For some of us, we grow up in a home that we think was wonderful. And then we go on the healing journey and we wake up to what was really going on and we recognize, my gosh, I didn't have the support I needed, the emotional support. People didn't attune to me and notice me, in my sadness, in my pain, in my heartache, in my joy.

Sometimes we have parental figures who are so consumed by their own emotions that they cannot notice and meet us as children in our emotional states. But it is vital that children are noticed and attuned to and co-regulated with as they grow up. A child who is sad and goes off to their room and is alone takes a much longer time to come back to this baseline of joy when nobody supports them in that moment, when nobody notices them, when nobody helps them, nobody talks to them or is with them, offers them a hug. All of that expedites the process and makes it easier for a child to come back to that baseline of joy, feeling good, feeling okay, feeling like everything is right with the world. When we don't feel that way, it takes a toll over time when that's our reality. And it becomes this really complex situation of having experienced trauma and not realizing because it never felt big. 

It never felt like the outright abuse or the physical neglect that some people experience. Perhaps it never was the sexual abuse or...the devastation of loss that some families and some people experience that doesn't negate whatever trauma you went through. And when it's complex, it makes it even trickier because it just gets harder to recognize. And so through the healing journey, you'll come to recognize and wake up to what was really going on. And then we get the opportunity to grieve the things that we lost out on, the things that never were, that should have been, the things that were, that shouldn't have been and in that grief, we can come to terms and no longer feel the same longing that we had. 

It doesn't mean everything becomes okay. But it does mean we've allowed the process to be what it naturally should be. When we stop grief and we suppress the grief that we carry, we never allow it to move through us. But when we actually come to recognize, I had, I did experience a loss. I did miss out on something. There is something here for me to grieve and we grieve it. Then we naturally can release that grief and move through it.

There are many components to change, but the first thing that I would encourage you to do is again, to dream about what do you wish for your life? What do you wish for yourself? What is that dream reality? How do you dream to live and who do you dream to be? And what are the supports you can bring into your life to help you achieve those dreams, to help them become a reality? And then being willing to go along for the ride.

Being willing to look within, to look backwards in order to move forwards. That's why we look at the past. We look at the past so that we can grieve our losses, so we can come to terms with what was and what should have been and what might never be, and then we move through it. And we move forward. But when we never look back, we just push things down. We minimize. We turn a blind eye. We suppress and repress. We stay stuck. 

We all have a choice. It's your choice whether you want to move forward or whether you want to stay stuck. I just know for myself I wanted to move forward. I always want to move forward. So I'm willing to do what's uncomfortable, to do what's hard, to get where I want to go. And so there's layers. We change in some ways, not in every way all at once. And as we change in some areas, the new areas are uncovered. Because if you think about it, you really don't want every area uncovered right away. You don't really want to wake up to all that's going on right away. That can be overwhelming. And we can't take care of everything all at once. We can only focus on one area at once. 

So what is that one area that you feel as being highlighted to you that you say, you know, this is probably what I would want to start with. This feels like something that's hindering me, holding me back, keeping me stuck in patterns that I don't like. Patterns that I want to change. And then who is that safe person? Who is that supportive person you can reach out to, to bring into your story, to bring into your process? How can you start supporting yourself?

So I hope as you've heard a little bit about my story and you're hearing about how you can start, that you're feeling motivated. Because my dream for you is that you get to live out the life that you hope for, the life that you dream of, that you get to show up as your authentic, beautiful self. And you get to be that person without having to be in your head, without having to overthink, without having to feel regret and shame afterwards. Because you say, gosh, I wonder what they thought of me, or they probably thought this, that, or the other thing. To live without having to replay those stories is quite a gift.

To live being your authentic self is a wonderful, wonderful way to be able to live. It's a freeing way. How I used to live was...so heavy, it was depressing. I was riddled with anxiety and fear. Now I experience so much more joy. Sure, there's moments that are really hard still, but they're moments. They're not my norm. I know how to support myself a lot better. I show up for myself a lot more. I embrace and like the person that I am. I let my authentic self be.

I don't live every day hoping to die. I live every day enjoying life. And what a tremendous difference that is. I wish the same for you. And I'm here. If I can be of support to you, please reach out. I sincerely care.

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[Ending] We've come to the end of another episode. I'm so glad you stuck around. As you consider what you've heard, what's the one thing that especially resonated with you? What's one way you can start to implement change into your life? Too much too soon isn't sustainable.

Start small and go slow. Consistency is key. If you appreciate what you're hearing on Empower to Thrive, would you kindly leave me a review and rate my podcast? It helps a lot.

I hope you'll share the episode with a friend and come back next week. And don't forget, I'm so glad you're alive.