Body love
One night I was wearing a pair of booty shorts and a tank top when I passed by a full length mirror and thought to myself, lookin’ good!
The scale told me I weighed more than I’d like. I hadn’t been working out the way I wanted, and with the outfit I was wearing you can be sure I saw it all!
I went to the bathroom mirror to take another look. It had to be the mirror, I thought. (You know how that is when some mirrors make you look different.)
I’d never experienced this before. It was the strangest feeling to see my reflection in the mirror and have nothing negative to come back with. I was always beating myself up for something. My self talk was so cruel.
To my excitement the second mirror showed the same thing! I went back and forth between the mirrors a few times to see if I would eventually see a difference. Since nothing changed I decided to stop and enjoy the satisfaction. I figured this heavenly feeling wouldn’t last too long.
Here we are a few months later and it hasn't faded! I’m shocked and thrilled to see myself this way. Its not because of anything I’ve done to change how I look outwardly. Instead something changed internally.
Growing up I can remember countless times I would have thoughts about myself and my body that were downright mean. I was slightly overweight. Never more than slightly. But you know how that is when we see ourselves through a different set of lenses than the people around us? The reflection you see when you look at the mirror isn't always what other people see.
I remember growing to admire my body a lot more while I was pregnant. I accepted it. But that mindset didn't stay after I birthed the baby. I expected myself to lose the weight and the extra belly flab quickly. Because I didn't, it was something I constantly negatively noticed about myself.
Fast forward to 8 months postpartum with child number 3. I dropped more of the weight I wanted to lose but then plateaued. A few months after that I began an exercise routine and implemented healthy eating again. I started to drop the pounds quickly! That’s how my body works. If I exercise or eat clean I lose weight easily. But once I stopped my healthy routines I could see my muscle fade and my flab return. Even though I didn't like it, I wasn't doing much about it. I honestly didn't feel up for doing anything about it. Life itself was overwhelming me!
Here we are 18 months later and I've gained most of the weight back that I had lost. My dietary habits are decent but not amazing. My exercise routines are next to none. And… I LIKE MY BODY. Yup you read that right! I'm not at my lowest weight by any scope of the matter. But I like my body! I'm quite possibly more amazed by that fact than even you are reading it.
It is such an incredible way to live, not constantly thinking negatively about myself and hating on my body. No longer am I only being kind to the people next to me and seeing the beauty in them, but I'm also being just as kind to myself and seeing the beauty in me! There were so many times in the past I would look at someone with a figure close to, or very different, then mine and think how beautiful they were. Yet all along I wasn't even thinking that way about my own body. Friends, it doesn’t have to be that way!
What I’m saying isn’t an excuse to lay around all day eating chips and cookies. It's a mindset shift. It's an internal place I'm living from that holds love and compassion for the self. It's making an effort to think kind thoughts towards the self. It's intentionally choosing positive self talk. It's also choosing healthy foods out of both enjoyment and responsibility. I want to love my body well and taking care of it is a part of that.
I've been learning to listen to what my body is saying it needs. Sometimes I can tell that a salad is gonna be the most satisfying choice. Other times I want a cannoli or glass of wine. I’m intentional to not let guilt get in the way afterwards no matter which one I choose!
It's a journey. A process. Give yourself permission to make mistakes and love yourself through it all!
