My Childhood

I grew up in a family of eight; I was the third of six children and the first girl. The picture you see is of me holding my sister, next to my youngest brother who is just 14 months older than she. My childhood was good, but life at home was chaotic. My mom was often unhappy, depressed and very dissatisfied. Because my siblings and I were homeschooled we spent all day with her. Since my dad was a teacher he had the summers off and I have so many glorious memories of summertime as a child! He had his own lawn mowing business and we’d go with him every time he mowed. My brothers and I had a blast! Swimming was a big part of our summers too… dad took us to our friends pool and our relatives lakefront. It was the best!

But by the time I was 12-13 my life was dramatically changing. My mom was around less and less which meant my younger brother and sister needed me more. I helped them with their schoolwork, made meals, cleaned the house, etc. I also worked 3 days a week babysitting for other families, and I sold Avon products.

The next year we transitioned from homeschooling and began at a private school. I entered 9th grade and felt like I knew nothing compared to my classmates. It was really challenging and very embarrassing. What was review for everyone around me was all new to me. I knew how to do practical things like cook, clean or babysit but I definitely didn’t feel book smart. That’s why I took business math as a senior. Now that’s practical math!

By my sophomore year my mom had filed for divorce, been granted immediate physical custody of me and my siblings and moved into a new apartment. My world had turned totally upside down. I would walk through the hallway at school and sit in the classrooms feeling like I didn’t relate to anyone around me. They were enjoying life and I was trying to survive. That’s how it felt at least. It was worse than ever before. My dad was devastated and hurting emotionally in a serious way. My mom was making irrational decisions and the police were constantly having to come around for domestic disputes. It was so traumatic for my whole family. As the next few years went by I kept a lot of emotions inside and held it together; I became strong for the people in my family who needed me. I wasn’t living for myself.

Then when I was 18 I heard someone say they lived most days enjoying life. I was astounded! How was that humanly possible?! I remember thinking if it is possible then I want it! That’s where my journey, discovering how to find that for myself began. Here I am 14 years later living in joy, loving life. Wow. Even as I typed that I shook my head in amazement and gratitude. If I have found a love for life, and no matter where you are today you too can have it!