I am so happy to be here with you today, and thank you for choosing to spend time with me. Whether you're here because Empowered to Thrive is a podcast that you listen to, or you're here because healing from religious trauma is something that's very relevant to you, I'm glad to be with you, and I welcome all of you. So we are going to embark a little bit on my own story, if you're not familiar with it, and if you are familiar, you've been here along the way as I've shared parts of it, then you're going to get to hear an update, because it's been about a year since I've last talked on my deconstruction, and intuitively, it felt time for that subject again.

[…] what we're going through is just temporary. It's seasonal. It's going to pass, but sometimes those, you know, the breaths in between the passing go for days and miles and, you know, it could feel exhausting.  And while we're mindful of that, it's just now slowing down. It's not about trying to push or drive, but it's about taking it one day at a time. And in that one day at a time allows for us to grieve and handle each daily capacity for what it is, without trying to feel like we have to stretch beyond. 

It can be very difficult if you're in a place where you really dislike who you are. And there's many things you're unhappy about, and there's many things that you shame yourself about. It can be hard to practice self-compassion. Because it's not easy to be kind if we're used to bullying our Self. But we can learn it. We can grow in this. And I say that because I know. I remember how it was to look in the mirror and to dislike myself. To have a lot of disgust for my body. For the way I showed up. For the way I acted or interacted, and now I know what it's like to like the reflection of what I see. To like the version of me at all different sorts of stages.

So take, for example, those times when you do get triggered, when you're like, everything seemed like it was going fine and all of a sudden, it felt like out of nowhere, I had a huge reaction. I got super scared, or I started to yell. I became angry or irritable. Well, there is a reason for that as we get curious sometimes we’re able to understand a little bit more what going on below the surface, and sometimes it’s in those moments that our inner child is actually showing up and trying to communicate with us. 

Well, the point isn't to do it perfectly. Give yourself permission to make mistakes. Because if you've been conditioned to think doing life perfectly is the goal, then I want to invite you to this restful place that actually changes that scenario and says, what if it's not? What if perfection isn't the goal?

A lot of it is just knowing where to start. And so I always say start small, especially when I'm working with busy clients. They tend to overextend in all areas. So instead of just pulling everything out of your closet, and then you look up an hour later, everything's on your bed and all over the floor and your closet's empty. And you're like, well, I am done organizing. Like that sounds horrible. So we're just going to start super small….

We've been taught to fight against our bodies our whole lives and that doesn't need to be the case.

I had to learn to be flexible. As a mom, that's the harder piece for me of the, like, nothing is going to go according to my plans, and so learning to not just plan, but actually create plans that you can roll with because life never goes the way you think when you're a mom. So that's more the middle I had to find. 

Start small. When we start too big we can't sustain it. We get overwhelmed and then quit

It's hard to recognize (burnout) because when you are in it it doesn't feel like that it just feels like everything has to be done so you don't have time for a break.

There's nothing wrong with being a perfectionist if that's kind of your goal, but having that mindfulness to say, whoa, hold up, you're going in the wrong direction for the wrong reason.

The fingertip forward is key because when you're trying to make a change, it's really important to think about the small things that you can do consistently because that's really what brings change. If we were to think about it, a big change is more like a trauma, right? So you don't go for big change. You go for the small, consistent change.

Imperfect action beats perfect action every single time! Let’s sit with that and consider what it would mean for our lives if we stopped waiting and took the leap. Kate shares how we can change from living with a fixed mindset to experience the benefits to a growth mindset.

Am I heard? Does my voice actually matter? Do my opinions actually matter? Am I loved? Am I really loved? Do I belong somewhere? Is there anywhere in this great big world that everyone seems to belong to?

We are all bombarded by constant messages, constant information, constant demands, and we don't even realize what a toll that takes on us mentally… And the more decisions that we make, the more we spend our mental energy and our cognitive power, and then we aren't using that for the areas of our life that we truly believe matter most.

It's so important for everyone to understand that when you do things a certain way and you're just kind of living the life, right, you're not taking that step back and saying, is this broken? Is this really the way it has to be? You might just be stuck in this and thinking this is just how it is. It's just busy all the time. Every day just has to be a scramble, and it doesn't.

I'm like, okay, if you're in this super disconnected from gratitude state, and if you're as far away from it as I was, I was waking up like pessimistic, already stressed about my day. I'm not waking up with this attitude of I want to better myself first thing in the morning. I'm like, I barely want to get out of bed. Give me coffee. I can't think straight. Today probably is going to suck anyway. Like so far away from gratitude. The last thing you want to do is make a list of things that are good in your life. So I gave up on it for a while. And eventually, I ended up on the minimalism side of things.

Time is one of the most valuable assets that you can have for your business and your life. And unfortunately, most of the people are not using their time and they are not even aware that time could be one of the most valuable assets of their business. So from what I see, it's like when it comes to people, there is five stages of what I call time. The first stage is really when you have like no time consciousness. Like you are always running after time. You don't see time. You see time as your enemy.

Teaching only three of my own children was way harder than teaching 30 teenagers. So that was what my business was all about, to set to find out why this was and how all of us moms can connect more deeply with our children through that learning process, because how many times have we tried to help them with something, even if that's just after-school homework, and you feel that rub, you feel that pushback, and they are resistant and they are fighting and it is just causing all sorts of chaos, not only with the learning but also with your relationship. So that was what sparked my entire business now. 

Today's guest, Chelsey Newmyer is a nerd for all things time management and productivity. After years of reading frustrating productivity advice that didn't match her life, she started her coaching business to help solopreneurs, and nonprofit leaders win against procrastination and maximize their time by getting the personalized productivity they need to reach their goals.