Church Talk

[Intro] Hi, and welcome to my podcast. I'm your host, Corinne Powell. I'm an intuitive guide and the owner of Change Radically.

My intention, both here and in private sessions, is to come alongside you in a way that feels safe and empowering.

So many of us are experiencing similar things and feeling common emotions, but we won't know that unless we talk about it. You aren't supposed to have to go it alone.

I specialize in helping people pleasers change patterns and create a life they feel good about. 

Life should not be consumed by doing things you feel obligated to do. Do you want to feel a lot less frustrated?

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Conversations focus on topics that impact our mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Parenting comes up too. Because I'm a mom to four kids, and it's natural for me to talk about the impact that has on life.

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Let's create a place of community and connection that is saturated by authenticity and transparency. I'll start. Now, on to today's episode.

Hello. So happy to be with you again. If you've been listening the last couple weeks, you heard Tiffany share about her healing journey and especially her journey in deconstruction.

Just taking apart her faith and looking at what am I even doing? Why am I doing it? Is this authentic to me?

And today we're going to continue on that topic. I'm going to share a little bit about my own deconstruction. Now, if this is not at all of interest to you, you don't have a faith background, or you're just not interested in hearing these stories, do know we're not going to continue on this subject for a very long time. We're going to move on to other things soon enough.

But for right now, this feels intuitively what I need to continue talking about. And I know there's those of you listening that can relate, that are on your own deconstruction journey. And you either grew up in a church community or you grew up surrounded by religion and you're not sure what's authentic to you. So I'd like to start there. I think it's most important to be authentic to ourselves.

So say you grew up in a church and it was the thing your parents did, or you've carried on the same religion that your parents had, because it was just presumed on you, there really wasn't the suggestion made, like, why don't you explore for yourself what feels right for you?

We have to take a moment at some point in our lives and actually confront why we're doing what we're doing.

And is it true to who we are? Yeah. I have no value for showing up to church for the sake of showing up. Now, that was praised when I grew up. It was very much applauded to do the right thing simply because it was the right thing.

But that's also implying that going to church is the right thing to do. And I would beg to differ. Church may be exactly where you're supposed to be.

What I say to Tiffany may not be the same thing I would say to you because you and her aren't the same person. So as I speak to her, and you might have heard the podcast episode,  you might have heard me say, you're right where you need to be, Tiffany. Well, those words are specifically for Tiffany.

And where you need to be and where I need to be may be a totally different place than Tiffany. But to just walk through the doors of a church, to sit there during their service to then walk out afterwards without making connection with people feels very much like we've lost the heart of why we're even there.

Because if we're going to worship a God, then we've missed the point of why we go with other people. Because you can worship God anywhere. We go to church for more than that, if we go.

We're surrounded by other people there. But do we notice the other people? Do we interact and connect with them? And connect with them on more than just a spiritual focus. Connecting with them on a spiritual level is perfectly okay.

But it should go deeper and further than that. In general, community and connection comes from knowing each other well. From being a safe place that somebody can share.

Where we listen, where we're authentic and we share vulnerably. And it's a give and a take. We're there for the other person to offer our support in moments when they need it. They're there for us to offer support in moments when we need it. 

And it can be very easy in the religious world to just do the religious duty simply to check it off the list or to be able to have some sort of feeling within that says, I was pleasing to God. I did what I needed to do to be in right standing.

And I'm using some of these words and some of these terms because it's what we're taught in those circles. I grew up in the church. I was raised in a Christian family. I went to an evangelical church. I know for a thousand percent that who I authentically am was suppressed within the faith community I was a part of when I was a child. I would still be in that faith community if it weren't for one, the healing journey that I've been on and the man that I married. Because Evan is very much a person who says you need to be yourself. You need to be your authentic self. 

And even at times when it may have been embarrassing to him, how I would show up, how I would demonstrate and express myself. Because Evan came from a quieter family. I came from a louder family.

And I know those of you like who came from a quieter home versus a loud home can catch what I'm saying even through that. So, but he's always encouraged me to still be me. And I can tell you I needed that in moments when I felt what I needed to do, but it was so scary and it was breaking through so many layers of trauma that I couldn't get myself to do it on my own. But having his support, I was able to do it. And here's the significance of that. 

Even if you're not married or in a relationship with someone who can offer what Evan offers to me, you can find someone to support you, to champion you, to cheer you on as you're on your own healing journey, as you're looking at the mindsets and the underlying beliefs, the reasons why you do what you do, why you think the way you think. As you're exploring those things, it's the only way to be able to come out of your trauma. 

You have to be able to come out of your trauma. You have to be able to say, I'm willing to get curious about it. I'm willing to look at my past in order to come out of it. And on that note, in church settings, it's often talked about where, well, we don't want to look in the nearview mirror. We don't want to look at the past. 

The past is behind us. It's under the blood. It's forgiven. It's the past. And I cringe at that because I understand the heartache. To get stuck in the past and to become hopeless there or to simply feel shame or regret or feel as if we're a victim and can never move past it or God hasn't forgiven us is pointless. But we do need to look at the past. 

And I don't mean to say those emotions or feelings are pointless because they're actually there for a reason. They're based off of a belief. system that we have. And it is important to uncover and understand, oh, what do I really believe? Do I believe that I am a victim, that I am powerless to my past experiences, the family I was born into, the things that happened to me? Or do I believe that I am empowered and there is a way out for me?

That no matter if someone else changes, I can still choose that I want to enjoy the life I'm living, that what happened to me does not forever have to hold me back. And that's why we have to look at the past in order to heal and move forward. Because the past gives us a lot of understanding as to why we show up and why we are in the present. We are all affected by our past. And it doesn't benefit us to simply say, because again, this is a church term, it's under the blood. It's forgiven. It's not enough. That will not be enough to move us forward. When we're tripped up by the past, we have to go ahead and look at it. We don't have to stay there forever. We have to look at it in order to move forward.

In order to move forward unhindered by the past, not pulled down by it. We need to be able to grieve things. Grief is necessary to then be able to heal and come to a place where we say, ah, grief does not control me. I can grieve and I can also experience joy. But when we don't allow ourselves to go through the grief process, we get stuck there.

And I'm touching on things. This is so complex. There's so much more to these things that I'm saying, but I'm just touching on them. If you want to explore these things more with me, please reach out. So I've gotten off track, but just to go back and tell you a little bit about my story. 

So again, I mentioned that my authentic self was very much suppressed in the church setting. And I am a very intuitive person. I am spiritually connected. So I sense and see things, both evil and good.

And if you also are that way, you know what I mean. If you're not that way, you may not even believe that there is a spiritual world where there's forces of good and evil, darkness and light. You may not believe that. That's okay. I don't need you to believe it for me to know that my reality is truth. And these were things that I was actually experiencing since I was a little girl. But there is no voice given to what I was experiencing. 

There was no validation for what I was experiencing. So now as a grownup, I know, ah, okay, this was real even back then.

It's just the people I was surrounded by didn't believe it to be truth. And perhaps most of them weren't experiencing it. So they didn't know that what I was experiencing was real.

So I believe someone when they say they see things or they sense things or they feel things or whatever the case might be. I know that is very real, that there are powers that be that may not be seen by this natural eye, but sometimes they are. But that doesn't make them any less real. So I personally wouldn't be able to leave my spiritual beliefs. They have morphed and changed over time. But there's a part of me that is very spiritually alive. And I can't minimize that. So I personally still go to church. I don't agree with everything that's taught.

I don't go religiously. I don't go every week because that's the thing to do. That's what I used to do. But I do enjoy some of the components that are offered in a church setting. And especially when it comes to freedom of worship. And what I mean by that is expressing myself in the way that I feel aligns for me with my higher source. And that's going to look different for each of us.

But I think it is important that church be a place where people can actually express themselves and be able to express themselves and their relationship with their higher source. That it wouldn't just be certain elect leaders who get to freely express themselves. 

So there is so much to that. When I say I still go to church and even that I want to go to church the times I go, there's so much more I could say about that because I don't know what church is to each of you.

There would be a lot of church settings that I wouldn't want to go to. So I kind of say that loosely. I'm not worried if you misunderstand me. It would make sense to me that without clarification, there's going to be things you misunderstand by what I'm saying. 

And I'm not trying to be vague in what I say. I just think it's easier to have this type of conversation when you can be in person going back and forth chatting about it. 

And maybe we can do that. Maybe that's something that would be of interest to you and helpful to you. And if that is, then just reach out and let me know. I especially would be interested in doing it if you're in your own deconstruction. And if I can be of support to you, I would be happy to be of support to you. So growing up, initially I was doing things because it was what my family expected. I was following along with their religious views because it's all I knew.

And then I came to a place where spiritual things became extremely real to me. Like I said, they always were. But I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I didn't give them a lot of place. So I would say I didn't cultivate those gifts.

And then all of a sudden, during a really tough time in my teenage years, my parents were going through a divorce. Life at home had always been a challenge and dysfunctional, but it was heightened.

And spiritual things just really, really, really became real. And I couldn't deny it. I couldn't deny the presence of something good, very alive in my life. And so that's what started me on another path. And I felt very misunderstood in the church community I was a part of. There weren't a lot of other people that seemed to understand what I was experiencing or having similar experiences. But I can say that I have met people who also validated that, yes, they too know what I feel and what I experienced because they also do. 

And I don't need their validation to know, you know what I experience is real, but it is really nice to know when you're not the only one.

And so if I go to church, when I go to church, I want to show up as my authentic self. Sometimes that means I take my shoes off and I walk around without my shoes on. If you know me, you know I'd rather be shoeless, whether that's barefoot or with socks. I'd rather be shoeless.

Sometimes it's going to look like me sitting on the floor because my most comfortable spot to sit is on the floor. In fact, I'm sitting right now on the floor while I'm recording this podcast episode. I just realized that. Sitting on the floor barefoot.

And my little girl is just waking up. So if you start to hear her, that's baby Brielle. So showing up now looks different than it did years ago.

And part of the reason I show up differently is actually because a friend of mine, years and years ago, said, you are different at church than outside of church. Because we used to hang out outside of church. And I didn't know exactly what she meant, so I asked her for more clarification.

And then I realized, ooh, wow, yeah, she's right. I wouldn't have been able to tell you all the reasons why at the time.

But I just started to observe myself as I'd go in church and to notice how I interacted, how I felt in my body. Up tight. Like there was an expectation on me.

Like I was needing to say hello to people and chat with people. And almost like I was on duty.

And outside of the church setting, I was more relaxed and laughed more and had more fun and was lighthearted. And I've had to be intentional, to show up and be authentic to myself.

To allow me to be me, even if it looks different and sounds different and is different than almost everyone else in the room. Because my only responsibility...

Now hear me. This could be mistrewn. But my responsibility is to be true to me. Does that mean I need to be rude and disrespectful to everyone around me? No. But it also doesn't mean that I need to live codependently where I walk into a room and I adjust my temperature according to everyone else's. Because that's what I was conditioned to do.

Let me walk in the room and what does everyone else need and how can I be adjusted to what all of them need?

When really my focus should not be on everyone else, but on me showing up as Corinne should. Because we each need to show up as we are. We need to show up as we authentically are.

That will bring the most beauty into the room. That will bring the most life and creativity into the room. Does that mean that sometimes my actions are going to be a trigger to someone else? Yes. And friend, that is okay. You will do things in life that trigger someone else.

That reminds them of their past trauma subconsciously. It's not your job to protect everyone else. It's not my job to protect everyone else.

It's not our job to protect people from pain. In fact, sometimes, every time we're triggered, it's an invitation to more healing.

To get clarity. To get curious first off and get clarity on, whoa, what just hijacked me there?

And to then allow ourselves to let love into that place and healing to come. Perhaps a loud noise startles you.

Or a hand on your shoulder. Perhaps you don't want a hug from someone who's offering a hug.

But these reasons may be because of past painful experiences and past wounding. That is not yet healed.

Unresolved trauma will show up again and again and again. Because it's always an opportunity and an invitation for us to heal. Our subconscious is hoping that we will heal.

So we will repeat our cycles, our trauma cycles, in hopes every time that this might be an opportunity to heal.

So, to recap. I'm sharing how I grew up in the church. I don't agree with everything about church.

But I'm still there. Because for me, it feels like exactly what I'm supposed to do right now. It looks different than it used to.

My belief system is different than it was. But this is all a part of my healing journey. My healing journey. And I don't know where you're at.

I don't know the things you're questioning. But remember, where Tiffany is at is where she needs to be at. Where I'm at is where I need to be at.

And where you are at is worth exploring. Maybe you are where you need to be right now. Maybe you need to adjust where you're at.

Or at least get curious about why you're doing what you're doing. And allow yourself to question. Should I be?

Do I need to allow something to shift and change? Get curious. About why you do what you do.

Is it satisfactory to you? And it doesn't mean you can't do something that's uncomfortable. I'm not saying all of life needs to be easy or comfortable or satisfying.

No. There's difficult moments. There's frustrating moments. There's painful moments. Yeah. All that is true. But again, catch my heart in this.

We have to be willing to explore our why. Without fear that, oh no, if I explore that, what will that mean? Where will that lead me?

Because if you're not willing to go there, there's a reason for that too. So hey, if I can be...

Of support and of help to you, whether it's on your deconstruction journey or just life in general, you know I'm here, happy to talk.

Thanks for listening and definitely send in your questions or your comments. If you want to continue this conversation, let's do it.

[Ending] We've come to the end. What did you think about what you heard? I hope that there's something you pull from today's episode and start implementing it into your life.

Create the change that you want to see, the change that you hear about. You have the opportunity to transform your life.

And I'm ready to link arms with you and to help and guide you to the life that you want to live.

If you resonated with what you heard today and it touched you, would you share it with your friends? Would you also go ahead and rate my podcast and write a written review?

It would mean so much to me. I hope that we'll connect, whether it's for a session or just to connect because I enjoy meeting new people.

You can find me on Instagram, @corinne_changeradically, or on Facebook, Change Radically. You can also always email me, corinne@changeradically.com.

If you have thoughts, questions, or anything that you just want to talk about, send me an email. I hope that you have a wonderful week, but no matter what your week is like in the moments that are quiet, maybe it's when you pillow your head at night or when you're driving in the car or taking a walk, or maybe it's going to be in the midst of the chaos with your children or the craziness of work.

I hope that you'll remember how significant you are, that there is meaning and value to your life and that I, for one, I'm so glad that you're alive. 

Catch you again next week.