Overcoming Religious Trauma: The Journey to Radical Change with Tiffany Brilliant Part II

[Intro] Hi and welcome to my podcast. I'm your host, Corinne Powell. I'm an intuitive guide and the owner of Change Radically. My intention both here and in private sessions, is to come alongside you in a way that feels safe and empowering. So many of us are experiencing similar things and feeling common emotions, but we won't know that unless we talk about it. You aren't supposed to have to go it alone. I specialize in helping people pleasers change patterns and create a life they feel good about. Life should not be consumed by doing things you feel obligated to do.

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Today's episode is a continuation of last week's episode where you're going to hear more from Tiffany Brilliant, she shares authentically and vulnerably. And, you won't want to miss this if you have a high value for authentic sharing. She's gonna finish talking about the deconstruction of her faith and going to give us an inside scoop on what it's been like for her to go on the healing journey. She's a very brave soul and there's much we can learn from her, so I hope that you'll enjoy and be sure to share with a friend that you think would also enjoy.

Corinne Powell: So we all have a confirmation bias where something we believe because we believe it. We then have eyes to see that confirmed so coming out of the church. What have you experienced that has defied some of the truths that you were taught?

Tiffany Brilliant: So, It's just really personal, but I'll share it. Like I said, I'm going through a divorce and the church would tell me that what I'm choosing to do is wrong and that this is the wrong decision and I'm not going to go into the details of why or any of that, but I've made this choice and I have good reasons, and I have found it very interesting to see that even though I'm deciding that many in the Church would A - want to know why. and then define if I'm doing the right thing by the reason that I'm getting a divorce, or would want to villainize me for the divorce, or have to feel like, OK, there has to be a justification of why you're getting divorced.

And there are reasons but, more than that, I watch and I see as the universe is aligning and making a path, and people are coming alongside me and helping my family. Me and my children, are loving on us. When there's a need fulfill that need, even when they don't know so that I would call the universe bringing me things that I need or desire, and with that, that defies what the church teaches, the church would say, and not all churches I would say religion, in general, teaches that divorce is bad, and I would say, you know, before I would never have thought to claim or see these gifts as confirmation that I'm walking the path I meant to walk, and these people that come alongside me religious and not religious as gifts and, knowing inside me that I'm making the right choice for me, and that I can be sure of that not by others influences, not by others thoughts or even their approval or disapproval, but that I know this is the path that is best for me and my family, and before, it would have been tons of guilt, and the church would say, “You're going to be punished for this, you're going to be punished and you'll never find someone that can be the partner that you want like you're stained”, and I don't believe that I'm not stained by this. 

It's a life experience it's the path that I'm walking, the choices I'm making, and so sometimes we make choices that religion teaches are evil or wrong, and actually, that's the path we're meant to walk. That's what I'm learning. 

Corinne Powell: And you said it earlier, but you had to start by questioning the things that you would always believe, you had to allow yourself to explore something that was risky and unknown to be able to discover is what I've always been taught. The truth is the only way or are there other options for me? Is there actually something it better for me than what I know? And I think that's what we all need to ask ourselves. We need to start questioning things because religion is going to teach us to not question, to only follow.

One other thing I was wondering about, as you've left organized religion, you know, you had mentioned a lot of Christians, just that you don't feel like they're good examples of - I don't know if you said Jesus' teachings, I don't remember how you exactly said it, but have there been certain people in the church that have still stuck with you, supporting you through this?

Tiffany Brilliant: Most definitely, I have, and part of the journey it's still hard for me to hear from people when they say I'll pray for you that to me Isn't doing something. So when someone says, I'll make you a meal, or I'll write you a letter, or I will come over and talk with you. I will sit with you in your pain. I will go to dinner with you and have fun. 

Yeah, all are doing something for someone. So prayer to me is often just, OK. Thanks. But it's not meaningful anymore. And often in the Christian circle, I'll pray for you and that's it and really, no one's really actually praying for you and so that's something that has lost its shine or appeal. And it's been interesting because through this journey I have had a group of friends, we met regularly on Tuesday nights, and these are believers, these are Christians, you know. 

And I went into the group saying, I don't like Jesus, I do not like, I do not believe in God. I am not happy with God. Here are blanks, and all I was met with was love and acceptance, and I was able to share my experiences. I was able to share my inner thoughts. I was able to label things as an inner voice instead of what you know, some would say Holy Spirit, and that was expected. I was loved. I was cherished. I was met with understanding I was met with people who could relate and who maybe weren't on the same road as me, but we're willing to be there and not just pray for me, we're willing to help me. 

Whether it be financially or whether it be meals, or whether it be holding me while I cried. A really interesting thing happened: I have heard from several Christians that they believe I am closer to God now than I ever was, and there is a big part of me that didn't like hearing that. That was very anti-that, but then there was another part of me that said “Wow, If that were true how beautiful would the world look if we all loved unconditionally?”

Corinne Powell: I think it's also worth stating you allowed yourself to be around people who were Christians even though you were saying I don't believe in God because I think both need to happen to be able to experience what you experienced. Thankfully these were people who were loving, not judgmental and you could feel their acceptance, it wasn't just like a front, they usually feel it, but you allowed yourself to take a risk, to be around those people. 

I just think everyone needs to hear both of them because sometimes taking that risk is the scariest part. 

Tiffany Brilliant: Letting your spirit show. 

Corinne Powell: We don't know what we're going to we're going to what's going to come at us when we do that, and sometimes we might be hurt by what people say or don't do for us. But you got to experience something beautiful because you opened yourself up to it and you were very authentic. You didn't put on a mask. You said, hey here's where I'm at everyone.

Tiffany Brilliant: Yeah, I was very authentic.

Corinne Powell: Right? And I'm glad to hear it wasn't like they were also trying to convince you or persuade you to come back because that is not at all helpful or useful when someone's at a place where you are at. 

Tiffany Brilliant: Oh yes, and I had those. And you know what it's all so beautiful in this journey is that alongside those things, I discovered something about myself. I discovered that my value does not lay in what other people think of me. Value is not defined by what I do. I have intrinsic value. Just being my authentic self, I bring value to the world, yes. 

So when someone rejects me, it no longer hurts in the same way. Because often I see that our spirit or our healing or where we're at will irritate maybe their demons. Irritate the things in them that they haven't looked at or dealt with or sometimes it resonates with them and they're drawn to you and that's how you find your tribe, that's how you find your energy, that's how you find your like-minded spirits and people and things resonate with people. 

Do you know? like I said, people have come from the church that I would never expected, have come and told me things. And I'm like, wow. And I'm like be you, be beautiful, be broken. Be bold by being you. And so you start to not care what other people think. And yeah it hurts, but you look at that pain and you start to heal that pain. 

Corinne Powell: You've been actively doing the inner work. So I second what you're saying and I agree with it. I also know that comes through doing the inner work that you've been doing and it makes any experience like the one you've been walking out easier because it's hard either way. Yes, you know there, there's no denying that there are lots of hard things. But as you said, we choose our hard so we can intentionally heal ourselves, which will make the hard times easier.

Tiffany Brilliant: Oh yes, as you know Corinne, I've been on your floor. Your carpet knows me well.

Corinne Powell: (laughter)

Tiffany Brilliant: Your was carpet full of my tears. Your carpet is full of my screams. Your carpet is full of agonizing, agonizing times. Times that our session should have been an hour and it went on and on and on and deep work had to be done. This is not for the faint of heart. This is not for someone who isn't willing to look at themselves. This isn't. This wasn't a journey, at least for me, where it was rejecting the church, and building anger and bitterness. This was me rejecting things that did not resonate with my spirit. This was not me going from one judgment or one anger and one hurt and pain to another. I'm still working through. There is a lot of pain when it comes to the church. And I'm still working through that, but I hope by the end I can have a perspective that is loving to all mankind.

Corinne Powell: And you said it's not for the faint of heart, but you did come in extremely difficult moments there was a strength inside of you. But you weren't even sure of that strength when you first started. What did you say?

Tiffany Brilliant: I thought I was dying. Yeah. A place where I remember being on the sofa and asking if I was having a heart attack, and we analyzed and you were like, I don't think you are, but if you are, we can call an ambulance.

And that's how heart-wrenching it was, the place that I was at. I was broke. I had no strength that I knew of. I had no ability that I knew of. I was broken and I was full of pain and sorrow and fear, and so when I say faint of heart, we all have it in us. We just have to want it. We have to want to walk through the suffering, the hardness the deep pain that this world has caused and there's healing, and it takes a lifetime to heal and it takes it's a journey.  

But in life, I like this saying, we choose our hard. Life is hard, so you choose which hard you want. You know, I think that with my divorce, you choose your hard, hard staying, hard leaving what? What is the right choice for you? 

Corinne Powell: And then in life, sometimes the manifestation of our pain our body feels it. As you said, you thought “I might be having a heart attack”, and it could just be a panic attack because you're feeling your body is feeling the heartache that you're feeling emotionally. And I think it's worth also saying that sometimes when we go on the healing journey, everything starts to show up at the surface, but it's present all along.

We were just able to suppress it or keep it, and then frequently though when people experience a midlife crisis it's because we no longer can we suppress it. It's it's showing up even if we're not inviting it to and it's an invitation to go on the healing journey. And so you know you're talking about some of these raw moments that were a part of your healing journey. So you're being raw with us and vulnerable to say here's what some of the Inside scoops was on the healing journey, and then you've shared the moments of joy and freedom and lightness that you've been experiencing as well. And all are part of the package and I just think the pain is there, we are just allowing it to come to the surface. And then facing it so that we can come through it to experience what is joyful and peaceful and full of light on the other side.

Tiffany Brilliant:  Correct.

Corinne Powell: And that's what I feel like you have like tasted like literally I see you come from the dark. Scary, painful moments to this place of relief and you've released things in that process, sometimes it's just a 30-minute process and then you're experiencing the relief and you leave the session feeling way lighter than you came in. So very proud of you for all that you have done.

Tiffany Brilliant: Yes, I remember facing some of those truths. That they're no longer truths to me. But facing some of those religious mantras that have been churned over and over again in me, and one that I believed was our heart is deceitful and wicked above all else. 

Corinne Powell:  And I'm over here shaking my head for everyone that cannot see. I am shaking my head because that hurts. 

Tiffany Brilliant: Yeah, the heart It's so beautiful. The heart is so beautiful. That is where our heart, the soul, its sayings with light and love and it dances and it's when it is allowed to be free. It's beautiful, yes.

And I remember thinking so little of myself and valuing myself so little that I made choices in my life that weren't choices I would have made if I had known my value, yeah. 

And I had to unlearn those I remember, specifically, something I have been told as a child, and I don't know that this completely stemmed out of religion, but I think, you know, it did in some ways where I was too much my personality, especially as a woman, I'm too much, you know, I'm too much and people can't handle me because I'm too much. 

I need to hide what I am. I'm too much. I'm too vibrant. I'm too full of life. I'm too full of love. I'm too bouncy and free and dancing, just I'm big. I have a big, big personality and that's who I am. But that wasn't there two years ago, you know, that wasn't. I was dark. I had suppressed myself to become the woman that I believed I had to be to fit the biblical role. 

And now I'm not that I am enough in myself. I am enough. I am beautiful. I am joyful. I am alive. I'm a big personality, and I don't resonate with everyone, and that's OK. I can be me and I'm lovable just as I am, and I'm not inherently evil or bad. I don't need to change who I am to fit a certain mold. To fit in a religious circle. But there were lots of tears in letting go of that belief system. That belief that I was, I was bad. You know, and trying to get my children not to believe that about themselves as well, that they are not evil, you know? 

Corinne Powell: Well, thank you for sharing with us. Thanks for letting everyone in on your story, and I know we could keep going cause …

Tiffany Brilliant: (laughter) So much work that we’ve done together.

Corinne Powell: Yes, another time, we gotta talk more with everybody. So thank you, Tiffany.

[Ending] We've come to an end. What did you think about what you heard? I hope that there's something you pull from today's episode and start implementing it into your life. Create the change that you want to see, the change that you hear about. You have the opportunity to transform your life, and I'm ready to link arms with you to help and guide you to the life that you want to live. 

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If you have thoughts, questions, or anything that you just want to talk about, send me an e-mail. I hope that you have a wonderful week, but no matter what your week is like the quiet moments quiet, maybe it's when you pillow your head at night, or when you're driving in the car or taking a walk, or maybe it's going to be in the midst of the chaos with your children or the craziness of work, I hope that you'll remember how significant you are, that there is meaning and value to your life, and that I, for I am, so glad that you're alive, catch you again next week.