Overcoming Religious Trauma: The Journey to Radical Change with Tiffany Brilliant Part I

Hi, and welcome to my podcast. I'm your host, Corinne Powell. I'm an intuitive guide and the owner of Change Radically.

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Let's create a place of community and connection that is saturated by authenticity and transparency. I'll start. Now, on to today's episode.

Today I have with me, my friend and client, Tiffany Brilliant. She's going to take us on a journey and share her story with us.

How she came out of organized religion, and how spirituality and intuitive living are still a part of her life. Tiffany shares authentically and vulnerably.

So I hope that you will sit and embrace Tiffany as she shares her story, and if what you hear speaks to you, or if you think of a friend who would especially enjoy and appreciate hearing this episode, please share it with them. Now, to hear Tiffany.

Tiffany Brilliant: So I was adopted at three and a half by Christian parents that were heavily in the church. And so I was raised in the church. I grew up with a lot of expectations of “This is what God expects. These are what the rules the Bible puts forward and these are the rules that we want to follow and makes you pleasing in God's eyes”.

So I started having quiet times when I was a teenager and things like that and I always felt like I was different than other children because I was so focused on biblical principles and things that were taught in the Bible.

I didn't... I followed those through into adulthood. I absorbed those into my life and then as I matured and went into adulthood, I took on the expectations of the church in the way of motherhood, in the way of being a Christian wife. I found a man. I married him. I had children.

And then got even more involved in a more fundamentalist kind of Christianity or religion where the wife is under the husband. Or that is what I was taught. But I never really was able to fully embrace that.

I tried for a time period. Went under some teaching that really taught the man is the head of the house. And you live in submission. And your role is to homeschool.

And your role is to raise your children in the Lord. And we should fear public schools. We should fear the influences of the world.

That if it wasn't from a religious aspect, it had no place in our lives. That our entire life should be centered around religion and the rules of religion. And what the Bible speaks is the truth. And that all truth is from the Bible. And therefore, if you don't believe those truths or those truths don't maybe resonate with who you are, then that is your problem. And that is where all problems arise from.

And that was heavily in me. And I thought in order to be a good person or a moral person, I had to follow these truths.

And in order to raise my children the best, in the best possible way, I had to homeschool. I had to be with them 24-7. I had to be their role model, their influence. I had to raise up a child in the way he should go and he would never depart from it.

And it was very heavy. I found religion to be very heavy. Very filled with fear. I found religious communities to be filled with fear. Fear of the government. Fear of control. Fear of losing your children to an outside influence.

I followed these teachings for a long time. And then I also saw a lot of abuse in the church. A lot of hypocrisy. A lot of people striving to be something they weren't meant to be. A lot of inadequacies in people and them hiding it instead of seeking help. Instead of seeking help for things that are really problems in their life. Maybe anger. Maybe abuse. Things along those lines.

Instead, they hid them from the church because they didn't measure up to the standard that was being set forth. And so I saw a lot of women, especially, were forced into a role that maybe wasn't authentic for them. 

Maybe it wasn't something that they were meant to do. And it didn't bring them fulfillment or joy. I came to a place where I had a complete breakdown. I had four children. And the message that I was hearing was keep having children. Homeschool. Raise them up in the Lord. Don't allow outside influences. And those are the things that I had taken on. And I had a real fear of, government and conspiracies and things like that. 

And so I literally had a breaking point where I couldn't do this anymore. This wasn't the world that... I had so much fear in my life. It controlled me. I was so afraid of letting go of the standards that had been set in my life. And I didn't know how or who I really was anymore. I was defined by being a mother, being a wife, instead of really having an authentic identity of, “no, who am I as an individual?. What do I want in life? What do I love and hate? What do I... What really resonates in me? What really is inside me?” And I came to a place where I needed help.

And I started questioning the teaching church. I started realizing that I didn't want what they were giving. The first thing I think that I let go of was fear. And it was through getting counseling with you. And through meeting with you as a life coach and just really starting to examine things I'd never examined, truths I'd been told, lies I'd believed. 

And for the first time ever, letting go of that belief system that I had to be a certain way in order to be pleasing to God or a higher power.. And it wasn't easy. It wasn't easy to let go of things that were deeply rooted and deeply central to what had formed me as a child. But they weren't who I was.

And as I let go of these fears, these fears of God won't be happy with me if I don't obey his laws, these fears, these fears of I won't be accepted by others if I don't meet their standards. And these fears of if my beliefs don't line up with these fundamental or religious views, then I'm somehow less than. And my children will suffer.

And as I started letting go of these things, fear fell off. And I started really for the first time letting go of fear. And as I let go of fear, a whole new world opened up. And I often see…I saw myself get stronger and stronger as I questioned the values and the belief system that I had spent my entire life in. 

I saw myself start to have joy again. I saw myself lighten. I saw my belief system of, “I am a sinner”, shift to, “I am beautiful the way I am. I have value as a person”. I started to trust my inner self, my inner knowing, my still small voice my whatever you want to label it as - I don't feel currently that I need a label on it - but whatever it is in me guides me, and I find that the world aligns. 

The world I see things happen in my life that I just can't there's like no explanation so with that I would say at this point, and I am still on a journey, but at this point I've released religion I've released I've left the church. I have left organized religion and I have stepped out into a new freedom and with that freedom I still really enjoy some of the teachings of Jesus.  I see how he hung out with those who were outcast in his society, he was often against the religious organization of the day.

I have in myself I would say I've let go of my relationship with God. I have no relationship with a God I but I do enjoy the stories and the teachings of Jesus, but I would also say that I do not like most of his followers they don't align with with kindness and love and compassion and freedom and joy and an ability to love people where they're at.  

An ability to mourn with those who mourn and laugh with those who laugh and seek a true happy inner self and I - the more I've let go of religion it's been interesting I've seen people drawn to me and even people that are in the church have come to me and told me things that before I would have shunned them for and now I just love them and I'm like wait to be authentic and often people struggle when it doesn't line up with what the Bible teaches.

You know maybe they love someone that the Bible says you shouldn't love in that way or maybe it says you know they feel guilt over things like their music choices or their movie choices or any of those things and it's it's sad to me because it's not… it puts a burden on people. 

I see these restrictions really burdening people and them not having that freedom to just live an authentic life that they listen to their own inner voice and they listen to that inner knowing which often leads us to a place of freedom and a place where we can love people unconditionally no matter their choices and we can love people who have different worldviews than us because we're not worried that their worldview will interfere with ours where we can accept them where they're at. 

Where we can love them we can love them and not despite what they believe we love even their beliefs. So I can love someone who believes something completely different from me and I don't feel I no longer feel a sense of competition or looking down - judgment a lot of judgments have been released since I let go of religion. 

I don't judge people. You love who you love you walk the path you walk and I want to know more deeply why you make the choices you make and who you are, and what makesyou sparkle and what makes you laugh and what pain can I have and what pain can I have help you look at and how can your life be more full and more joyful and what expectations have you put on yourself that aren't what you really want and don't lead to true freedom and happiness and joy. 

You know? We all walk these paths in life and sometimes we're not walking our own path we're walking a path that we believe we must walk yeah and it becomes heavy.

And I believe that life can be so much lighter when we really choose our path. Life is hard, but you choose your heart often. And there's this beauty in knowing people on a level that they know you won't judge them. And it brings them freedom and it brings you freedom.

And so do I find that there is a force in this world? Absolutely. I believe that. I believe there is something that moves us. Do I label it a certain God or a certain belief system? No, I no longer do.

But I sat in church. I actually sat in church. That's a long another conversation. But I've, you know, been exploring and visiting a few churches and I sit there as an outsider now.

And I watch and I have many thoughts. Some are judgmental. And I question my own judgment in those thoughts. But I think I look and I think and I experience different things.

You know, I look around and I say, how many of these people are living a life that they love. That they love. That they're happy to get up in the morning.

That they have a partner who's pulling the same way as them. They have someone who is their biggest advocate and ally in this world. And how many of them are being abused?

And how many of them are being held back? And how many of them are being forced to live a life that if they really, really had a choice, theywouldn't live if they truly knew they had choices in life. And why do we have to go to a building to worship a God?

Why do we have to spend all this money for lights and sound and music when you have you have homelessness. Where are the hands and feet of a creator?

How are you being that light in this world? You know? You know, how are you living out what's inside of you? How are you loving others?

How are you bettering this world by being in a church building and listening to an invitation to invite a God into your heart? But then judging others and not being hands and feet of a loving person.

I know there are good Christians out there. There are good people in all religions, I believe. But organized religion often comes with pain and sorrow, in my experience. And so being in a church is, like, frustrating to me. It is containing a God. It is containing a power that is so universal.

And it feels like God is everywhere. Or a God or a being or a spirit or the universe. It's everywhere. And I, for myself, find it almost silly when I'm sitting in a church. Because I feel more connected to myself in my own home.

I feel more connected to my inner spirit, my inner thoughts, my inner workings. And I can do a deeper work by just meditating on why do I, and even simple thoughts of why do I judge this person?

What about me needs to change? Or what about me do I need to release? Or taking time to sit with my inner thoughts. What is the next step? You know, universe or spirit of love or spirit. What is the next step in my life?

And I think when you start following your inner intuition, your inner spirit, whatever you want to label it as, if you need a label, you start seeing things, at least for me, it'll come as easily as the next step in my life.

I am walking a hard journey right now. I'm going through a divorce. And often the next step surprises me. But I'm often met by people with their encouragement and their words. They don't even know what they're speaking into my spirit, into my soul. 

And they will say things that just resonate. When it resonates. There's something about when someone speaks to you and it resonates with your inner knowing or your spirit. And it comes alive. And there's a connection that's formed there. And it's beautiful.

Corinne Powell: Well, thanks for sharing. That was, you took us on that journey so nicely. So because you've come out of the church and organized religion is not a part of your life right now. But I know that you're still spiritual.

And you alluded to it at the end that this spiritual part of you and this intuitive way of living are still important. How have you been able to transition from what you knew to still what you feel aligns with your soul?

Tiffany Brilliant: So for me, it was a lot of letting go. A lot of letting go of. In the beginning, it was stopping myself and really listening to what was inside me in my head. Not a Bible. Not, you know, worship music. It was literally taking the time to listen to what I felt inside me. Letting myself.

It's almost like a muscle you exercise. Where it's, it's like a still small voice for me. And it's probably different for everyone.

But I will be sitting. I remember early on sitting at a table with my daughter and eating. And the waitress starts talking about how her car broke down. And how, you know, there was a list of hard things that were. Happening for her. And. One of the first steps I took was writing her a note. And the note didn't come from the Bible. It didn't come from scripted. It came from my heart. It came from, I see you. You're seen. You're known. You're noticed.

The amount that I felt led to leave. And so I wrote a note and I let it. Left a large tip. And. Explained what I felt inside was being said to her. Whether I thought. Silly or not. And doing that over and over. You learn. It's like a muscle that gets strengthened. You start learning. And the beauty that I find in this is before, when I did something that would be labeled as wrong. I would feel shame. When I wouldn't do what was right. 

But now when I don't listen to my inner knowing or my inner voice.  I don’t feel shame. I feel learning experience. I feel like afterwards. I'm like, oh, shucks. I knew this wasn't a good idea. But I just learn.

And there's not this fear of. I did the wrong thing. So now I'm going to be punished. There's a “I didn't choose the best thing for me. I didn't choose my inner knowing. I didn't choose - Oh, man. I wish I'd listened”. Like there's that sense, but there's no shame. 

Corinne Powell: Yes. I know what you mean. That's the lighter. Life that you're talking about. 

Tiffany Brilliant: Yes. It really is. I am going through probably one of the hardest seasons. And I've had a very hard life, a lot of abuse in my past and things like that. I'm going through one of the hardest seasons of my life. And I can honestly say: there is joy.

There is moments of complete sorrow where I have to mourn my losses. Where I have to make hard choices. But my inner knowing and also my being reassured by the universe with simple things that. Are brought to me, whether it be. A gift from someone.

A card in the mail from someone I haven't talked to in a very long time. A phone call. It's the universe's way of reassuring me. Of guiding me. It's beautiful.

I wouldn't trade this hard time for anything. Which is so weird to me. But there is joy in the struggle of life. When you are really in a place. Where you are willing to learn about yourself. And walk in this freedom. 

Corinne Powell: Yeah. So, I love that you brought something up practical for anyone listening. That's like exploring what to do next. So you had to start to really work that muscle of listening to what was deep inside of you. While your inner knowing was saying “Follow it even when it seems silly, didn't make sense or was bizarre. And then, the byproduct was you didn't feel shame. If you didn't follow what you sensed, you should. It was just, ah, “I'm learning. I'm learning”. And you recognized it was another learning experience. Yes. Is there anything. anything else that you feel like has been a big part of your transition out of organized religion, but to still living this spiritually connected life?

Tiffany Brilliant: I think that a big challenge has been with, it's interesting to see through the process, this journey, I have lost friends. I've lost people that I thought would always be there, but also I have gained beautiful relationships and things I never expected.

I actually found my biological father and that has been a treasure and that has been such a joy. And having, him and his beautiful wife along this journey with me has become such a gift. I never expected that is like a, they just a beautiful story, a beautiful addition to my life and I never expected that. But I find that as I go on this journey, there is gifts along the way. 

There is people that come into your life in a certain season in a certain way, and that’s why I could never say I’m completely anti-god or anti-spirituality. Because I in myself find there to be too many things there are aligned in this universe in order to completely let go of all spirituality.  I find organized religion often hurts the most.

Corinne Powell: So, with that, is there anything that you do feel like you miss as you left organized church, anything that you’re missing that you used to experience?

Tiffany Brilliant: Do I miss anything? No. I don't miss anything, I don't miss anything. 

Corinne Powell: laughter

Tiffany Brilliant: I found my tribe, I found my energy. I found my happiness. I found therapy. I found freedom, I found help, I found love and acceptance, I found the beauty of individuality. I found the beauty of different cultures, backgrounds, and ethnicities. I found a rainbow. Where things were black and white, now there is a rainbow of color. There are wings to fly. There is love that is pure, that loves no matter your choices. That loves no matter your beliefs, that loves no matter your decisions. A truly unconditional love. 

And I wasn't able to that in the church. But now I can love you no matter what, and your choices don’t offend me. Your choices no longer restrict my love for you and I can walk with everyone on this journey of life with love and freedom. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I morn the years that I lost. But I do hope that I can use that to help others on their journey of freedom.

Corinne Powell: That’s great, cause I can hear it you know. I can hear it, I can feel in you, that were you are right now is were you were supposed to be. 

[Ending] That wraps up part one of a two-part episode. Come back next week to continue to hearing what Tiffany has to share on her deconstruction journey and she is going to give us an inside scoop on what has been like for her on the healing journey as well. 

We've come to the end. What did you think about what you heard? I hope that there's something you pull from today's episode and start implementing it into your life.

Create the change that you want to see, the change that you hear about. You have the opportunity to transform your life.

And I'm ready to link arms with you and to help and guide you to the life that you want to live.

If you resonated with what you heard today and it touched you, would you share it with your friends? Would you also go ahead and rate my podcast and write a written review?

It would mean so much to me. I hope that we'll connect, whether it's for a session or just to connect because I enjoy meeting new people.

You can find me on Instagram, @corinne_changeradically, or on Facebook, Change Radically. You can also always email me, corinne@changeradically.com. If you have thoughts, questions, or anything that you just want to talk about, send me an email. 

I hope that you have a wonderful week, but no matter what your week is like in the moments that are quiet, maybe it's when you pillow your head at night or when you're driving in the car or taking a walk, or maybe it's going to be in the midst of the chaos with your children or the craziness of work.

I hope that you'll remember how significant you are, that there is meaning and value to your life and that I, for one, I'm so glad that you're alive. 

Catch you again next week.