How to know if you're healing?
[Intro] Hello, and welcome to my podcast, Empowered to Thrive. I'm your host, Corinne Powell. I'm an intuitive guide, and I absolutely love helping people to heal from within so that they can create a life that they love, a life that they enjoy. We weren't meant to just tolerate and get through life. We were meant to thrive and enjoy the life we're living.
Of course, we will have seasons and moments that are difficult and challenging. And the beauty of it is that we can be supported in those moments.
I am here to be an aid and a guide to support you. And I hope that you will enjoy not only today's episode, but some of the past episodes if you haven't heard them yet.
On this podcast, I talk about all things inner wellness. We also sprinkle in some spirituality and parenting, because as a mom to three kids, parenting is a big part of my life.
I hope that you enjoy the episode. And that there's at least one thing you'll pull from it and start to implement into your own life.
If you want to follow me in other ways, you can find me on Instagram, @corinne_change radically, or on Facebook, Change Radically.
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Hi, friend. I'm excited for today's episode because I hope that it feels as empowering to you as it does to me just recalling.
And even if you are listening and you're starting to think, “Oh, man, these aren't things that I'm strong in yet”. Let this be simply encouragement to you that as you continue on the healing journey, or maybe you're just starting on it, this is what can come to you. This is what will come to you over time.
I didn't get here through a week's worth of work. And I don't say this to scare you off, but I've been at this for 16 years. Of course, it has been layered. I wasn't always doing super deep work. There have been seasons where I was weekly meeting with someone for sessions.
There have been times I've done my own work, and I've sought out resources and I've utilized them to help me understand myself better and grow and cultivate change. I think the one part that stands out to me that is imperative to finding yourself in a different place than you once were, a better place, is the practice.
You must put in your own intentional practice. The things you're going to hear me talk about are actually things that have to be practiced to become something you're comfortable doing. So as you saw with the episode title, we are talking about ways you can know you are walking out of people-pleasing. You are walking out of codependency because the codependent people-pleaser makes themselves small so that they can fit in, so that they don't make waves, they don't upset anyone.
They're looking to figure out how to keep the peace in a room. How can I not say something or how can I do something or not do something so that people are happy, people are comfortable, nobody's going to get upset, nobody's going to be offended. The goal isn't that we never offend someone. It's not that we never offend someone. It's not that we never create tension in the space. Tension is good. It's necessary. Working through that is also important.
Sometimes people just explode and nothing ever comes of it. There's no further conversation. There's no resolution. There's no, “Hey, what was going on deeper there?” “Why did I explode?” “Why did I feel so dysregulated and express it in the way I did?”.
We have to have that ongoing dialogue with ourselves and with others to be changing, to be healing and becoming the person that we long to be. They're the one who is free, free to show up and be themselves. I don't mean that we should be callous, uncaring, harsh, critical, rude by showing up and being ourselves. I think it's important to be empathetic and kind.
There's some sort of balance in all this. When you've gone off the deep end and you've become the chameleon who just blends in wherever they must and really suppresses their true self, then this is for you. This message is for you.
How are some of the ways I know that I've walked out of people-pleasing and codependency? One way is I'm more comfortable expressing my true thoughts and opinions. Even if I know somebody across from me just said something that I'm going to say the opposite of. I'm willing to actually say what I think instead of talking my way out of it and saying, well, if I say that, they might feel offended. They might feel hurt. They might feel misunderstood. They may not understand me. So I might be misunderstood.
Nope. I'm not going to go there. Or if I go there, I'm going to tell myself that's okay. It's still worth me sharing my own heart. It's worth me showing up to this relationship and being me. They can accept me. They can like me. They can say, “You know what? I don't like her”. They can reject me. Or they can agree to disagree. We at least know who we're dealing with, who someone is, and we can choose.
Into that relationship deliberately, we can say, “you know what? I really like that person. I want to be friends with them. I want to get to know them more”. Or because they showed me who they authentically are, I'm realizing that that's really not the type of person that I want to hang out with. Both are okay. But we don't know that when someone doesn't show up authentically.
In fact, sometimes we might really like who somebody is, but we don't even know who they truly are because they're afraid. For very good reason, they're afraid to show up and be themselves. There are so many reasons we don't show up and share from our heart. So many past experiences that have translated into us believing it's not worth it. It's better off to just not show up and be my true self.
And I want to let you know that it's time to start breaking down that idea. It's time to start exploring why is that? Because you should get to show up and be yourself. You should get to show up and share your heart. It's going to be messy. It's going to feel vulnerable. Oh, sometimes it's going to feel like you just shit on the floor. And I say, that's okay. That's okay.
Messy isn't scary for all of us. Some of us are comfortable with messy. I'm comfortable with messy. I'd rather you show up and be yourself. We talk through that. Then you'd be the fraud, the hypocrite, or just the person who isn't even sure who they are. You're not trying to show up as somebody different. You're just not sure who you are. You've lost yourself and you need to find that self again.
You deserve to be found. You deserve to be loved for who you authentically are. For the people who did not convey that truth to you early on, my heart cries. Every child should be able to feel loved for who they are. Helped through things. We need an adult to model things for us as kids when we don't know what's the best way to respond. How can I get from a dysregulated state to a regulated state? But that doesn't mean we shouldn't get to show up in our messiness, even as little kids.
Think about all the time we want little kids to clean up, straighten up, sit up, be quiet, stop throwing a tantrum, stop talking back, stop disrespecting. Sometimes, many times, this is part of the process. All of those things are part of the process. It doesn't all need to be shut down because then we have adults who are still doing the same things that children did because they don't know what else to do. They didn't learn.
Corregulation wasn't modeled. The adult figures in their life didn't know what to do with emotions or weren't comfortable with emotions. So what's some other ways you can know? Hey, I'm walking out of people pleasing. I'm walking away from codependency.
First, I talked about showing up as your authentic self, willing to offend someone, willing to say something that will cause someone to maybe say, “hey, I don't want to, I don't really want to hang around with you a lot”. Ruffling feathers.
Another way is by caring a little bit less. So let me explain what I mean by that. Because again, that can sound abrasive. If you are an empath and you feel very deeply for people and you fawn, you become what they need, you're going to show up into a room, read the emotions of the other people and say, you know what? People in here seem pretty sad. And I didn't feel sad before, but I guess I should match their sadness. So that I'm not too happy for this crowd. Because again, how will that come across?
So you put aside how you're really doing and you connect with the other people and you touch in with their emotions, but you don't just touch in, you sit there with them and you take on their emotions. You care so much that when you hear the news, the news stories that are tragic, and boy, does the media know how to show us only what they want us to see. Think about it. It's a lot of heavy stuff.
It's a lot of depressing news that we hear. And you can't convince me that there's not a lot of good going on too. But we're being told what someone wants us to know. We're being told based off of somebody else's agenda. So if I, if I listen to the news and I take on everybody's experiences and I say, “oh my God, these people are all in so much heartache and pain, and there's so much tragedy” and I just get lost in their world.
I am robbing myself of the joy that I possibly should be experiencing in those moments. That's what I mean by we need to start caring less, because some people are overly responsible. And I was that person. We're taking on the pain of everyone else. We weren't meant to carry their pain. Their pain is theirs. We can touch in with it, but we need to leave it as theirs by touching in with it.
It can sometimes help to alleviate their pain. It matters to know that somebody cares that they understand that. they're with us in it. But that doesn't mean you take it on. It doesn't mean that you walk away and now you no longer just carry your own heartbreak. You carry the heartbreak for someone else. You carry the trauma for someone else. That's not yours to carry. It's too heavy to carry all that. We weren't designed to carry all that.
So I have strategies. I have tools, ways that I actually help myself when I hear about a really traumatic, heartbreaking situation to know how to walk away and not keep carrying all that. I have things I do, and I'm happy to share them with you. You can set up a session with me, or maybe I'll make it into a podcast episode in the future. But I do what I need to do so that I am able to actually find a place in my mind that isn't burdened down by what I just heard so that I can hear what I hear, not feeling like I need to close my ears or run away from it, but that I know how to handle it and not take it on for myself.
So again, it's great to be empathetic. It's wonderful to care and love people. But your pain is enough for you to carry. Your pain is enough for you to heal from. You don't have to take on everyone else's. You weren't meant to take on everyone else's. Even in the helper role like I have, my job isn't to take on everyone else's pain.
It's to touch in with them, to sit with them, to be empathetic and compassionate, to offer them tools and support, but then to let it be their situation that they're walking through. And to recognize, I have my own tough things I'm walking through. And after we're together, I don't need to keep carrying theirs.
So these are just a couple ways. There are so many other ways that we can know. We're walking out of codependency. We are becoming less people pleasers than we once were. And I might jump into more of this next episode, but for sake of time, I'm going to end this here. I hope it's been helpful. I hope that for those of you who are on the healing journey and say, you know what, I'm doing more of this and less of what I used to do, that you feel pumped up and motivated, keep on going.
And for those of you who are like, gosh, you said some things that I identify with, but I'm not, I'm not there yet. Like I'm not doing the things you're saying are signs of, of healing. Hey, here's what I say about that. Today's a fresh day. You can start to practice a new way of thinking, a new way of living at any time. You can reach out for support and help to someone like myself.
There's so many other people doing the work I do, if you're not interested in working with me, I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. And you can start to change. You can start to heal. And over time, it's guaranteed. If we practice a new way of living, a new way of thinking, you will see the results. It will show up in your life. It will be undeniable to you and to other people around you. So keep on going, my friend. I am cheering you on. I am here to support you.
[Ending] We've come to the end. What did you think about what you heard? I hope that there's something you pull from today's episode and start implementing it into your life. Create the change that you want to see, the change that you hear about. You have the opportunity to transform your life. And I'm ready to link arms with you and to help and guide you to the life that you want to live.
If you resonated with what you heard today and it touched you, would you share it with your friends? Would you also go ahead and my podcast and write a written review? It would mean so much to me. I hope that we'll connect, whether it's for a session or just to connect because I enjoy meeting new people. You can find me on Instagram, @corinne_changeradically, or on Facebook, Change Radically. You can also always email me, corinne@changeradically.com. If you have thoughts, questions, or anything that you just want to talk about, send me an email.
I hope that you have a wonderful week, but no matter what your week is like, in the moments that are quiet, maybe it's when you pillow your head at night, or when you're driving in the car or taking a walk, or maybe it's going to be in the midst of the chaos with your children or the craziness of work. I hope that you'll remember how significant you are, that there is meaning and value to your life, and that I, for one, am so glad that you're alive. Catch you again next week.
