What's the difference between authoritative parenting and conscious parenting?

[Intro] Hello and welcome to Empowered to Thrive. I'm your host Corinne Powell. I'm so glad you're here.

No matter what type of day you're having, you're always welcome. I like having you around. This space is especially designed for the person who goes about life focused on everyone else while neglecting their own needs.

The person who says yes when inwardly they want to say no. The person who is frustrated at all they do because they don't receive much in return. If that's you, I'm going to put out some great ideas on how you can change those patterns and get unstuck.

Life isn't meant to be tolerated. It should be enjoyed. So let's get to it.

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Corinne Powell: Hello, hello. How is your summer going? We are in the middle of it and enjoying it and in the struggle as well. And that brings us to today's topic of parenting. Parenting is a challenge no matter whether it's summer or not. In the summer, I notice that it's even a bit more intense because there's less structure. There's more time together. And I previously homeschooled my kids so I do understand the concept of being with my children all the time. I also was a stay-at-home mom. So I worked some evenings, once in a while during the day. Most of the time I was their primary caregiver. A few years back, my husband actually stopped working his full-time job, started working many less hours in order to help with parenting because it was that taxing. 

I'm not here to try to discourage anyone from the role of parenting, from loving their role, from wanting to be all in. I am wanting to bring up the point that we can parent as intentionally as we want. And we do not need to do it like someone else said. We don't need to do it like our parental figures did. We can do it in the ways that serve us and our children best. But how do we even know what that is? If you were parented like myself - it was disrespectful to try to go against what mom or dad said, to try to go against what the grownup in the room, the one in charge said. Talking back would have been considered disrespectful and talking back could have been just as a child having a response.

And I want to talk about how authoritative parenting is different than conscious parenting. Because you see, conscious parenting allows us to look within, allows us to consider what are the patterns that we have been living our life after. And do we want to continue those? Do we want to change those? And we all have the ability to change whatever it is we want to change.

And like I mentioned, we don't have to do it the way that was modeled to us. And we as the parent are not the one with all the answers. And when we think we are, we definitely aren't the one with all the answers. It's so good to recognize that we are always a student ourself. We are always learning. There is always more room for growth, more to learn, more to understand. Especially about who our children are. More to learn about ourselves, more to learn about our partners, more to learn about the people that we do life with. You or I could think, I've lived with them for so long, I know them so well. But do we know all the facets to somebody there's so much to know.

Hence so , I am an intentional parent. I live consciously. I parent consciously. I am working within my own self to cultivate change that as a byproduct, my children can experience the difference. And then they won't have to be raised in the same way I was. And I am not here to bash my parents. I know they did the best they knew how. And unfortunately. I came out wounded. My children will come out with scars. I know that. My children will need their own therapy. They'll need to go on their own healing journey. But if I can heal myself so that I can stop the cycle of some of the generational trauma, then I will die doing it. I am passionate about it. And I want to share some of my passion with you today. 

I was having a conversation with my sister recently and talking about how I know I could do this parenting thing easier. I could make it easier on myself in the summer by giving my kids more screens or more screen time, but I limit their screen time. Some days we do none. Some days we do 30 minutes, an hour, an hour and a half. Maybe they're gonna watch a movie and it's gonna be an hour and a half to two hours, but it's not our normal to do that.

That's just something that feels important to me. And if you're curious why, a part of it is that they're starting their practices now. We already know technology is consuming our life and our world. If they are consumed by it at this young age, it's only going to increase as they get older. If they know how to set limitations for themselves and they don't feel resentful of them, but they actually learn to enjoy being out in nature, they learn to enjoy reading, then those are also practices they can carry later into their life, where they don't feel gypped by not being on their devices or by not being consumed by a movie on a screen. 

But they enjoy that alongside being out in nature, alongside movement, alongside of connecting with their friends and actually talking, not just texting.

alongside of these other wonderful, beautiful things that are a part of life. My kids love the library. We get books all the time from the library and they sit and they read for hours. It's a practice we started when we homeschooled, but it's a practice we've continued even though they've been in school now outside of home for three years.

And we can all begin practices whenever we want. It's never too late to start. And so I know that I am purposely intentional in that way, and I choose to be. So yes, it might make my days longer. My days may feel harder, but it's a choice I'm making. It's a choice I'm consciously making. And I okay with that. Now, there are other ways I can support myself by ensuring that I don't carry the whole load of parenting. They have a father. He is also able to carry that load. I don't think parenting should always fall on one parent or that there should be the default parent.

With drop off and school pickups because our kids go to private school and we drive quite a distance to get them there and back. When we started that, we put them in school, we decided that I would do one way, my husband would do the other. That makes it way more feasible. Is it a sacrifice? Yes. We actually are intentional enough in our parenting that we choose to work for ourselves so that we can have the schedule we want so that we can be really involved with our children, that our family life can be rich. I am not here to say that that is how everybody needs to do their life. I am definitely not saying that we're doing it the better way or the right way. Not at all. I'm bringing you into our process and a bit of the back end of our story because I want to plant a seed that it can be different than what we see as typical.

The way we're doing life is not what I see as the normal way people do life. I do know of other people who do life this way. And yes, they motivated me, they ignited something that was already inside of me. And by seeing other examples, I said, I want this and they're showing me that it's doable. It is possible. And so I crafted my own life in the way that I wanted, knowing that if somebody else could have it, then so could I. And I sit here wanting you to know that if you want a different lifestyle, you too can have it.

All parents should support each other. Shouldn't fall on one or the other. And it's going to be important for you to evaluate what are my values? What is important to me? How do I want to go about parenting? Because how you want to go about parenting and how the other parent might want to go about parenting is going to be different, likely, likely it's going to be different. And there might need to be compromise. Or if your children are hopping between your house and the other parent's house, then you might be doing things differently at your house than happens at the other house. And as much as that makes it a little bit more challenging, it's also certainly doable. And children learn, they know, here's the expectation here, and that's the expectation there. And they're very adaptable.  They'll learn what the expectation is with you. 

So you can have the life that you want. Take some time to consider what your values are, what's important to you. And then take some time to consider who are the other people in your life who are parenting or going about their lifestyle in a way that excites you, in a way that sparks, ignites something that's already sparked in you.  Because when we feel that what somebody else is doing is actually what we want. It's because the desire is already within us. We're not just being a copycat. You're actually seeing in somebody else what you long for, what you desire, what is actually meant to be for you. 

So the sparks are there, and then it's just allowed to be fanned. And then it ignites something larger, more glorious. And you're impacted by it, and so are your children, and so are the people around you. And you're changing the world by that impact. You're doing it differently than the generations before you and in that you're breaking the cycles. Again, this isn't to say the generations before us didn't do it well, that we're doing it better. That is not at all what I'm trying to say. I recognize that there are things that I can't see that down the road I might look back and say, wish I did it differently. I could have done it differently.

It's not about shaming ourselves or blaming ourselves. It's about doing the best we can with what we know with where we're at. We learn and we grow as we live. Wisdom says we're going to listen. We're gonna take into consideration how it was done before us. And we're going to move forward. Humble enough to ask for advice, to consider the advice and to implement things that feel aligned. Wise enough to know that how somebody says we should do it may not be the right way, may not be the best way. That we are our own person and our family unit is ours and we are allowed to do it the way that we see best. May we all have humility and wisdom. May we be humble enough to recognize that there are other ways and wise enough to know that we have autonomy to decide what is best for ourselves and our that we are no longer the child who needs to listen and do it the way someone else says it.

And yet, other people have wisdom to pass on.  Mmm. I feel there's something there to sit and ponder. Maybe you need a pause this episode. Maybe you just can reflect after it's done. But be moved by this, be moved by what the point we're at here, there is something to this place. Even though I don't fully understand it, but I respect it. I feel it's there, and I myself will take time to ponder this after. 

So as we wrap up, just want to recap that you are able to parent however you want. You create the life that you want to live, the lifestyle you want for your family. Of course, bring your partner, bring the other people in your household into your process. Dialogue with them.

Your children are full of wisdom. They have grand ideas. Sometimes it's a great thing to just say, hey, what do you think would be the best way to use our time this afternoon? And other times it's going to be helpful to suggest, here are two options for what we can do with our time this afternoon and you get to choose which one of the two options you want. Both are empowering. But one allows the child to actually consider what's in their and for us to learn from them, for us to remember that they are wise, and they have good ideas. And other times, it works the other way. There's no one-formula.

You aren't supposed to be doing it all on your own. Whether it's the other parent in the equation, whether it's community, whether it's extended family. I know I don't have a lot of outside supports either. And it can be very hard as a parent when you don't have a lot of family to help, when you don't have a lot of community to help. I don't have the answers for that friends. Evan and I are always searching, looking, seeking out community. Trying to ask for help and support because I used to go it alone all the time and now I know it's not in my best interest and it really is hard to go about life that way. So it can be painful to recognize that, man, I've tried and I just don't see where are the supports. But I do know that supports are needed and you're not supposed to be doing this all on your own. It's not sustainable. And making the time for yourself in the middle of the long days.

In the middle of the long nights, I have an 18-month-old who nurses during the night. I know how hard it is to get chopped up and sleep. I get it. I'm right there empathizing with you. I know this is not easy. So how can you support yourself? Where can you catch a nap? Where can you get some time out with a friend? When can you take that walk? How can you decompress in the way that's going to recharge you. 

And we're going to continue these conversation. We are going to come back to this. I can tell this is the type of topic that we need to explore even more. I would be so interested to hear your feedback, to just hear how your experience is as a parent. If you have ideas you want to share, hey, we can chat about this on air. And then everybody that is interested to learn, interested to explore more on this topic can benefit from your wisdom, from your experiences. Please reach out to me through my social platforms, through email, Corinne, c -o -r -i -n -n -e at changeeradically.com. I would love to hear from you. 

And keep on, keep on doing the amazing work you're doing. You are changing the patterns. You healing the generational trauma, your children - yes, they will be scarred. They also are better off for having you as their parent. So keep on loving them, loving yourself, and going on that healing journey that allows us to learn, to heal, to grow and change. We're better off for it and so are the little people that spend their days looking up to us, that spend their days with us. That might wipe their boogers on us, but also love to be held in our embrace. What an honor it is to be a parent. What a gift it is to be a mom. What a gift it is to be a dad. What a sacred honor.

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[Outro] We've come to the end of another episode. I'm so glad you stuck around. As you consider what you've heard, what's the one thing that especially resonated with you? What's one way you can start to implement change into your life? Too much too soon isn't sustainable.

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