Exposing The Inner Critic
So often I hear belittling comments. At times I've been the voice box those words have come from. One even came to mind as I was starting to write, trying to convince me I should stop, accusing me of not being a good writer. I heard the question, what’s the big deal about this topic of failure and mistakes? Why even bring it up? Here's one reason why. You won’t live the life you deserve if the inner critic gets your attention all the time!
Who are some of the people that have put you down and basically told you you're not good enough? My guess is that before I even asked, you had someone come to mind who has been a critic in your life. Unfortunately, that's common to humanity. We aren't perfect people and we will make mistakes and say things we shouldn't, even to those we really don't want to hurt.
I think it's important to become aware of what we think about ourselves. What it is that rumbles through your head all day long on the conscious and subconscious level? What are you inadvertently broadcasting to yourself most of the time? As you go through a day, just listen to your thoughts and words. They're extremely revealing! Is it mostly positive, negative or a mixture of the two? Start writing down what you think and say. This will help if you want to reshape your beliefs about yourself and in turn change your inner narrative. You don't have to forever live with negative self-talk and low self-esteem. Change can begin today!
Without even trying, you probably memorized many things that were said to you and about you during childhood. What someone might have even said as a complete joke could be something you took to heart and absorbed as truth. It may have turned your life upside when it was meant to make you laugh. What one person finds funny can cause serious pain to someone else, especially if it triggers a pain point. That doesn't mean we need to walk cautiously all the time because we’re afraid of who we might unintentionally hurt. But we can walk with sensitivity. Carry love in your heart and it will more easily be what comes out of your mouth! Stop looking at the world as if it's full of people who are your enemies, out to make your life miserable. There are so many beautiful people we pass by every day! I encourage you, start to see them as that. Look beyond the bad attitude and the rude behavior; see them as more than that, because they are. On your worst day, if you had to go out to run an errand I hope there would be some people who chose to see beyond your ugly, to give you credit for being more than that. Be someone who chooses love over shame and criticism.
Over the last several years I have intentionally let myself grow and develop in several areas. I have chosen to be kind and patient with myself, knowing that I am not going to get it right every time. I am learning more as I keep trying. I've had to be intentional about this because I grew up in an environment that contained a whole lot of self-hatred and judgement. Punishment came when mistakes were made. The prevailing idea was to try to get it right all the time. I feared the reprimand. That only helped me think making mistakes wasn't okay, and I needed to keep attaining for perfection… only to be told I’d never actually get there! Choosing to do risky things with the possibility of getting called out for it is not the easiest way to live, but who said I was looking for easy? I'll take satisfying any day over easy!
Mistakes are a normal part of life. We learn from making mistakes and trying again! Practice is an amazing thing. We should be practicing through life so we get better at how we do it, not so we become perfect and master it. If you do feel you master something be sure to keep a learner's mindset. There are so many people we can benefit from and so much more to learn. This is not meant to cause intimidation, just relief.
Ask questions. Listen. Consider what's said. Become self-aware, and let what's going on inside of you have a voice. You have a lifetime of help and other imperfect people learning right alongside of you! We're figuring out life together.
Sometimes it’s our insecurities that cause us to put a wall up to block others from getting close. If you feel like that's your situation, please stop blaming everyone else for not befriending you and keeping their distance from you. They're only doing what you subconsciously have asked.
Babies were born to be loved. In fact without love and nurture they can’t survive. Adults are just babies who have grown up. Let's start loving each other more!
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