Healing Emotional Triggers

[Intro] Hello, welcome to my podcast, Empowered to Thrive. I'm so glad you joined me today. I'm your host, Corinne Powell. I'm an intuitive mentor and I help people pleasers to find happiness, embrace courage, and experience peace of mind. But say you're not a people pleaser and you're desperate for change and not sure how to make it happen, then I'm here to help. In this space, you're going to find motivation to live a life full of joy and resilience.

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Hi, friends. It's my first time recording with you for the podcast in my new office.

And I am so excited as usable to be with you. And I want to continue the conversation around emotional triggering and being emotionally activated. And if you heard last week, Evan and I spoke together about that topic.

If you didn't catch last week's, you may want to go back and listen to it. You don't need to before you hear today's episode. But it's definitely a different dynamic whenever Evan and I share together.

So basically, just to recap, when I think about what is an emotional trigger and how am I activated in that way, I feel like it is when a situation comes up and I have very intense, big emotions over something that could be rather minuscule. It might be that someone looks at me a certain way. And I interpret that in a certain way.

And it emotionally sends me into a downward spiral. So maybe I was doing just fine, feeling on top of the world. And then I saw that look that someone gave me and I perceived that it meant that they disliked me or that I wasn't good enough or that I had done something wrong.

And because of that, it can set me off. And basically what it's doing, I use another term and I say emotionally a flashing back. Because within my body, I am actually remembering a time when perhaps a parent figure looked at me a certain way.

And I interpreted that look to mean something negative about myself or my behavior. Or perhaps the look was expressed at the same time that words were spoken to say that I had done something wrong or that I was not measuring up. I don't know if you're a parent listening, but I am a mom to three kids.

And one of my children especially will just interpret my looks to mean something that they don't mean at all. I'm not thinking what she's thinking I mean. And I'm really grateful when she expresses what she thinks I'm saying through my look.

Because it gives me a chance to clarify and say, no, no, no, that's not at all what I was thinking. It's not at all what I wanted you to take away. I was just busy in thought or overwhelmed by what was going on in my day.

So my expression was whatever it was, but she interpreted it to mean it was something personal about her and something negative about her. So it isn't triggering, emotionally triggering can happen to all of us in all sorts of ways all day long if we're not aware of it. And it's only been as I've done more inner work and healed from childhood traumas and other traumas that I experienced throughout life that I have been able to feel more in control of my emotional response.

And there is no shame in being triggered. There is nothing wrong with it. It's just that I actually dislike that feeling because I really don't want to be dominated by my ego and what my mind starts to, the stories that my mind will create around what someone does or what someone says or how someone looks at me.

I actually want to know deep within myself who I am and not be defined by other people. And so it's been through the process of doing my own inner work that I've been able to affirm the child within me and my present self who I authentically am and that I celebrate her, that she is a gift to the world because there was a little girl inside of me who questioned those things and still questions them sometimes. So I am self-parenting and going back and letting that younger part of me know, you're amazing.

It's okay to make mistakes. And that's what I help the individuals that I work with do. And it's what I do within myself on a regular daily basis.

So send me your questions. If you have questions about emotionally triggering, because the whole conversation got started because someone said they wanted to talk more about it. And really, if you don't want to feel like you're triggered as much as you are, then my suggestion is to start doing the inner work, whether it's with me or whether it's with someone else that you know and trust and is well-informed in this area.

The inner work is what transforms us and it's what starts to heal us from within. And the byproduct is that you might see someone have an expression, but you don't interpret it to mean the same thing anymore or someone's actions aren't going to be able to affect you in the same way. 

I'm going to give you a personal example of how I've seen my own internal growth and forward progress in this area. Just recently, my husband and my son were away for a few days. And because of some of the past history my husband and I have, there's been deceit and just a lot of lies within our relationship. And it's caused me to not feel like I can trust his words.

But I've recognized that part of me that has a hard time believing his words did not just originate with him. Yes, I have experienced trauma in my relationship with him and it has affected me. But I've recognized that even before he came onto the scene of my life, which was a great moment by the way, I am so glad that I was best friends with Evan before we even started dating. And we knew each other for a good 10 years before we were dating and got married. And it's just been a really incredible journey because we've gotten to know each other more and we've grown together. 

And I think that's the best part of it. We've both been growing. We've both been doing our own inner work. And so it's really made the relationship sustainable. And I know that's not the case for everyone. I know some of you are doing your own inner work. You're making forward progress and your partner or the person that is really significant to you in your life is not doing the same thing and doesn't have any desire to.

And I don't want to go deeply into this. I just want to say that I see you and I still commend what you're doing. And I'm really sorry. I know how hard and how frustrating it can be to be the only person doing the really deep internal work. But your sacrifice and your intentionality will pay off. You can only change yourself, but by changing yourself, it changes the dynamic of all your relationships.

So keep on doing what you're doing and just know that I applaud you. 

[Advertaiment] It's time for a sale. Buy one, get one. Go ahead to changeradically.com or link in the show notes to my website and book now. If you schedule a session, you're going to get complimentary access to a second session. That's at no charge to you. So get two sessions for the price of one. You don't want to miss this deal. It's time sensitive. So do it today. 

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But going back to my real life scenario about not being triggered in the same way and just recognizing, oh, I am making progress in this area. And whether I am or not, I'm going to hold compassion for myself.

I'm going to just love myself in the space that I'm in. But it is exciting to know, yeah, I'm actually growing because I do put in a lot of intention and just I'm deliberate in the work I do within myself. I'm not just going to speak to other people and say they should do things without doing it myself.

I really want to set the example. And that's just the way I want to live. It's the way I live. It's the way I want to live. And so Evan being away, it can be sometimes difficult for me to sleep at night. I can be concerned about his actions or in the conversation with him.

I can think to myself, oh, he's probably lying to me. And it just creates a lot of unrest within me because I'm actually letting him and my ego dominate how I feel. And so this time around, I still struggled with it.

But I was on top of my self-talk and I recognized what I was subconsciously thinking and really made sure to rein those thoughts in and recognize that I reminded myself so many times. I can be whatever I want to be right now. I can feel however I want to feel, no matter what Evan's doing, no matter how he's doing, no matter if he's lying to me. It doesn't matter. 

I can still be OK within myself. I can be at peace. I can have a great day. And it was such a freeing experience. One thing I've been practicing too, whenever we're separated and not together during the night, I won't check my phone, my text messages, unless I want to.

Because I really don't want to disrupt myself unless I choose. If I say, sure, I want to see if he wrote me and what he has to say. But if those text messages are going to disrupt my sleep, then I'm protecting myself and saying, no, I want to get my sleep. I want to sleep in peace. 

I'm going to assume all is well, or if he needs support, he can reach out to someone else other than me. I'm not the salvation for him. I don't need to live in that codependent way where I need to be the one to rescue him or save him or help him. Supporting your partner, supporting your friends, supporting your children is all fine. But when you feel like you need to be the one to rescue them or you're their only lifeline, then it may be that fine line of codependency instead of interdependency.

And codependency is only going to, okay, let me say it this way. Interdependency is a much more balanced way to live. Codependency is often that feeling of, if you're okay, I'm okay. But if you're not okay, then I'm not okay. Which again, what I'm saying is we should be able to be able to regulate our own selves no matter how anyone else is doing. And when I say we should be able to, I mean that the end goal through the healing that comes, the end goal is to be able to say, I see where you're at. I empathize with you, but I can still be okay. I can still be at peace. I can still be joyful. Even if you're grieving, even if you're having a hard day, you're not making little of someone else's feelings. 

You're simply saying those are your feelings and I have my own feelings. So I hope that makes sense. I hope you're able to hear my heart in this. Basically, I recognize that what would have sent me into a downward spiral in the past, what would have emotionally triggered me was not able to do so in the same way. It wasn't that I wasn't affected at all.

It wasn't that I didn't struggle some. I had to be very aware of my self-talk or just those lines we revert to, the way we think that we're not even aware of. And it was really, it was okay.

So when he came back home, I was a little bit distant, a little bit cold. That would be my trauma response. And normally, like I would have been shut down and ignored him.

I didn't do that, but I did feel like I needed a little bit of space because again, I wasn't sure if he had done something that I would have perceived as against me in opposition to our relationship. And so because I wasn't sure, I was basically assuming that he had and responding based off of that assumption. But I watched myself.

I made sure to be verbal and to express to him how I was doing and that I need a little bit of space. And within a short amount of time, it was like a few hours, I was able to feel like I could be, I could allow myself to be close to him, fully emotionally engaged, not needing to distance myself, not needing to protect myself from whatever might, whatever emotional pain might present itself. And this is me in process.

I'm hopefully being clear enough so that you get a good picture, but I want to show you this glimpse of how I walked through this situation recently, because in the past, it would have been starkly different and I'm evolving. So in the future, it's going to look different too. And remember, having compassion on yourself in the process is so important.

We need to give to ourselves what we always needed and always wished we had, because if you didn't receive the love and the compassion from other people in the past, it's going to be easier for you to be a critic towards yourself and to be hateful towards yourself. And you may not even be aware that that's how you're being. But so many people that I know and interact with and myself included, just gravitate towards thinking of themselves poorly and really having downright mean things to say about themselves.

And so, self-compassion is instrumental in healing yourself. So where do I want to land all this? Because I feel like I do want to land this right now. And it's not the end of the conversation. It's just the end of a conversation for right now. 

So basically, I want to close by saying, emotionally triggering is something that we all experience. You may experience it in a different way, in a different level than someone else.

But there is no shame in this. I don't want you to think that you, yeah, there's just nothing wrong with you for having a big response to something that happens in your life. There is a reason if you have a response that feels exaggerated, there's a reason for it.

Start asking yourself what you're feeling, why you're feeling it. Start considering, if you feel comfortable with this, where those thoughts and feelings originated. When did you start to feel that way first? Let yourself, you know, think back.

And just start to uncover and explore what's going on when you have that bigger response to a situation, or to a look, or to a comment. And be willing to hold space for yourself. And be willing to love yourself and have compassion towards yourself in the spot you're in. 

If you really want to work through anything and if you really to just stir you in a way that you're like, hey, I want to do more with this, then reach out to me. Right now, I'm actually running a sale, and I'm offering sessions, buy one, get one complimentary. So if you schedule a session anytime in the month of June, I'm going to send you a coupon code so you can schedule a second session at no charge to you.

And you can actually schedule the session within the month of June, but you can schedule it for later on this summer. Just have it on, you know, the scheduler so that I know you did it during June, and I'll send you that coupon code. That'll be a way for you to get two sessions in for the price of one, and we'll be able to do even more of the inner work with two sessions.

There's no commitment in meeting with me. You can meet with me just once or twice, or you can continue on, but you don't have to make any long-term commitment. And so I hope that what I've been talking about today is stirring you to know there's a way to live in more peace.

There's a way to experience more inner joy. And it's actually not far off. It will take some deliberate intention and effort, but it's doable. And I'm right here to support you along the way. 

[Ending] Here we are. We've made it to the end. What'd you think about what you heard today? Is there something you heard that you know you need to take action on? I'm one of those people who loves to not just sit and hear something, but to sit and hear and then go ahead and start implementing, taking action on what I hear, what was stirred up in me. And I encourage you to do the same. If you enjoyed today's episode, or perhaps you heard an episode in the past that really stuck with you, would you go ahead and share that with some of your friends and your family? It would mean so much to me.

And also, if you want to connect with me, remember, you can always find me throughout the week on Instagram. I'm @corinne_changeradically⁠. Or you can email me anytime corinne@changeradically.com. I'd love to be in touch. And if there's any way that I can help you, please seek me out. Until we speak again next week, I hope that you will remember in the moments that are loud and busy, and in the moments that are quiet and still, that who you are is super important. You are valuable. And I am so glad that you're alive.