My Spiritual Journey

I grew up going to church every Sunday - and more than just on Sunday. Whenever there was an event or service taking place it was pretty certain my dad would take me and my siblings. We gladly went. I didn't question it; I didn't mind it (and if I did I don't remember that part.) But one thing I do remember was my parents disagreeing on many things, one of those being church. My mom wasn't comfortable or happy at the church we went to and my dad was. Many times that meant we only went with my dad.

As an adult, I look back realizing how powerful my mom's voice was even though it didn't seem to make much difference 25 years ago. I was positively affected by her thoughts and perspective.

I'm glad I realize that while she is still able to hear it from me. Sometimes we don't have the chance to say to someone what we wish before they are gone. Don't wait too long to share what should be said!

In my younger years, church was a place filled with relatives and friends. They were people who were a part of my world in many ways besides worship services. I have many memories of friends from church coming over for birthday parties and holidays. We laughed and cried together. They supported my family during the years surrounding my parent’s divorce. I'm so grateful they were there for us because those years were so devastating.

During my tween and early teen years, I lived the life of pleasing whichever group of people I was around and even though I didn't feel like a fraud I was being one.  I didn't know how to be true to myself. At times I would express my opinion and experience opposition. I’d just come up with other ways to still do what I wanted without those who disagreed knowing. Unfortunately insincerity is so prevalent! I want my life to shout the message, be true to who you are! Discover who you are and then walk in confidence being your beautiful self.

Mid-way through my freshman year in high school something happened. I don't know exactly what, I just know that something changed because the God I had always heard about and talked about became real to me. As real as people are in the room, that's how I experience God's spirit. It was powerful and transforming.

Unfortunately, during that time and for many years after, I was surrounded by a lot of religious people. These individuals followed many rules and kept high standards in an effort to measure up and be pleasing enough to be accepted by God. Because I fell right in step with what they taught, my connection with God and spiritual growth was stunted. Thankfully I wasn't held back forever!

I kept sensing the spirit of God communicating with me and sending me messages that no humans were saying. It was extremely powerful and beautiful. Once again, I wasn't around many people who affirmed what I sensed. They kind of made me out to be unique - as if to say, that's just Corinne and the way she experiences God. I'm so happy I’ve discovered many people since that are like me! I'm still uniquely me but not in the way people made me feel in the past. And to give them the benefit of the doubt, in their arena it may have been "just Corinne" experiencing God that way. They didn't have enough exposure to others to prove differently.

Who I am today looks, sounds and feels different in many ways even to the person I was a year ago. I’m in progress. I hope to always continue to change and develop which means I'll look, sound and feel somewhat different in the future too.

I still go to church, but it looks and feels very different to me than anything I grew up around. I don’t think church is a place to be quiet and somber. The picture above is of me at church… yeah, I get a little wild when we sing. I've been told a couple times that people think I'm high on drugs because they've never seen someone acting the way I do who isn't under the influence of drugs or alcohol. I laugh. Yup, that's me. When I say free, I mean that. I feel like the poster child for many songs we sing. It's easy to sing songs like Freedom. (Curious? Listen here.) People who say they know God should be the happiest people around and if we aren't then why not? I'm not talking about being a phony. That's BS. I hate it. I'd rather people show their true colors cause being a fake is not at all beautiful. It might seem glamorous but it's not true beauty.

I'm living from a deep place of freedom. Some people who go to church and call themselves "Christian" are uptight, unhappy and judgmental. They don't enjoy life and think that bad things come to us as punishment from God. How sad. God has been the goodness in my life. He has been the one who brought the rainbow into my storms. His voice is full of love and excitement over me. He's glad I'm alive! I'm glad I'm alive. I get it, God isn’t everyone’s favorite. But sometimes that’s actually because of the people who represented God to us, or our interpretation of who’s responsible for life events, not actually because of God himself.

I don't need religion if I have God. He doesn’t like religion anyway. In the second part of the Bible, the New Testament, there are stories about Jesus on earth. There was some serious religion and rule following going on and He wasn't at all into it. In fact the religious people didn't like Jesus! He was this guy who came to set people free. He healed people. He was a fortune teller and a physic that didn’t just know the facts but also deeply cared. He didn't care about the rules as much as he was concerned about what was really going on inside people's hearts and minds. He was full of love. The religious leaders weren't all about this man named Jesus. And many still aren't today. He wouldn't fit the stereo type for what so many Christians think when they say "what would Jesus do?" I'm grateful that my relationship with this spirit of love allows me to live a life I love!

(photo by JZAMORA Photography)