Emotional codependency
[Intro] Hello, and welcome to my podcast, Empowered to Thrive. I'm your host, Corinne Powell. I'm an intuitive guide, and I absolutely love helping people to heal from within so that they can create a life that they love, a life that they enjoy. We weren't meant to just tolerate and get through life. We were meant to thrive and enjoy the life we're living.
Of course, we will have seasons and moments that are difficult and challenging, and the beauty of it is that we can be supported in those moments.
I am here to be an aid and a guide to support you, and I hope that you will enjoy not only today's episode, but some of the past episodes if you haven't heard them yet.
On this podcast, I talk about all things inner wellness. We also sprinkle in some spirituality and parenting. Because, as a mom to three kids, parenting is a big part of my life.
I hope that you enjoy the episode and that there's at least one thing you'll pull from it and start to implement into your own life.
If you want to follow me in other ways, you can find me on Instagram, @corinne_changeradically, or on Facebook, Change Radically.
Would you do me a favor and share this podcast with your friends if you hear an episode that resonates with you? And would you also go ahead and give me a rating and review my podcast? It would mean so much to me, and I would appreciate it.
I hope that you enjoy the episode and that we connect.
Hello, hello. How is your day going?
I have a cup of ginger tea and a dessert bar that is full of protein, so I am feeling good at the moment, and I hope you're having a good day, too. I have plenty of days that are difficult and challenging, so if today is not feeling like a great day for you, I completely get that.
Life is full of ups and downs, and as difficult as that is, it's also nice to know, at least I appreciate knowing when other people share. It's not always wonderful and positive, and they actually have moments that are difficult and challenging.
So I'm just breaking the ice by saying, hey, if that's where you're at, I get it. I experience that, too. That is not what we're talking about on today's episode, though. I recently was having a short conversation with somebody, and I realized when we were talking that we were talking about a topic that is relevant to so many of us.
And something that needs to be talked about more. So tell me, do you relate to sometimes feeling like your emotions have to be happy, positive, high vibe in order for everybody else to be okay?
Or flip it, do you, if you're a parent or even if you're not a parent, if you're in any sort of relationship, do you feel like sometimes you need the other person to not be in a grumpy mood or to not be negative because it's like taking energy from you? It's affecting you in a negative way, in a way that you don't want to be affected.
And because you don't want to be affected in that way, you end up saying something like, hey, snap out of it to the other person. Either scenario can apply to what we're going to talk about. If you're anything like me, actually anything like a lot of people, we've grown up in homes where there has been a lot of enmeshment.
And let me break down what I mean by that. It's almost like everyone gets interwoven with each other in a toxic way. So if mom's having an off day, then everybody feels it. Everybody feels the negativity. Everybody feels her anger. Everyone feels all of her emotions because she takes them out and actually dumps them on people.
Or maybe you grew up with a parent or parental figure who you never knew when they were going to fly off the handle. You never knew when they were coming home or in a bad mood or in a mood that could cause harm because of rage that gets out of control.
And you learn to either keep yourself small, hidden, out of the way, or you learn to be the helper. You learn to be the person who had to say the thing to help shift the mood for that parental figure. Or you had to kind of put the icing on the cake for other people.
If any of that feels true for you, if you're like, “oh my gosh, yes, this was my reality or this is my reality”, how does it feel? Would you rather it be different? Would you like it if you could just show up and be however you're feeling in that moment and actually not have to change it for the persons next to you?
Or if you're thinking of being that person who says to the other people, hey, I just need you to snap out of it. Your mood is affecting me in a negative way. Would you like to be able to just show up? Other people can be in their emotional state and it not really rattle you. Like, yes, you feel their feelings for them. You're empathetic, but you're not so affected that it has to ruin your day.
If you want that to be the case, I'm here to help you. It's actually what I do all the time. I have practiced within my own self learning these concepts, learning these ways of living, walking out of codependency, which codependency basically says, if you're not okay, I'm not okay. But if you're okay, I'm okay then. It's kind of like, hey, if you show up, you're not okay.
If you show up at a funeral and you're not feeling as devastated or as grieved as the other people around you, but you don't want to be too lighthearted or happy because that could seem insensitive or rude. So you dampen your mood to kind of match other people's moods.
Do you know that the disservice we do to ourselves and to others is that sometimes we need someone to come in who's not feeling as heavy and as down as we are. We actually need their light. We need their joy. We need their energy to help us out. Not to change us. Not so that we can't stay in whatever emotional state we are. But because there's a part of us that is longing for someone to come nearby and to say, hey, I know you can't see the sunshine right now. You can't feel the sunshine.
And that's okay. But I see it and I feel it. And I want you to know that It's possible. It's possible that down the road you're not going to feel as heavy and as sad and as depressed as you are today. We actually within ourselves long for that. We long for hope.
We long to know that there's a possibility. There's a strong possibility that things are going to get better, that things are going to get easier. And when someone else is there to say, yes, yes, that is possible. Yes, there is hope.
It can bring so much peace and it can steady us in a way that we need, that we're longing for. So I want to remind you, and I'm speaking to myself at the same time, that you're allowed to have your emotions and other people are allowed to have theirs. Our emotional states don't have to be intertwined.
Our emotional states don't have to match. You're allowed to be sad in the midst of a happy crowd or you're allowed to be happy in the midst of a sad crowd. Now hear my heart. I'm not talking about being insensitive. That's not at all what I'm trying to convey.
I'm interrupting the episode because I want to invite you to a group session. If you're interested in what you're hearing on today's episode or previous episodes, then my guess is you would really love coming to a group meeting. What we talk about varies and it's different every meeting. So you're not going to necessarily feel like you're out of the loop.
You can show up, we're going to talk about a new topic and you're going to get a chance to ask your questions, to get my feedback. My groups are very warm and inviting.
They're usually on the smaller size. So that I can give my focused attention to everyone that's there. And if you want to join, you can either come live on a Tuesday evening. They're held at 7h15 Eastern Time or you can watch the replay. We meet virtually. So no matter where you live, you can join. Definitely check out the show notes for a link to sign up. And I hope that you will continue out today's episode and enjoy it.
And I hope through my examples, you're able to get a picture of what I really mean. But if this is stirring up questions in you, hey, you can always email. You can reach out through, you know, a DM, an Instagram or Facebook.
This conversation could be so much longer than this short podcast episode. So I'm just brushing over this topic like I do a lot of times when I hop on the podcast.
We can be really specific to your situation, your needs, your experiences in a one-on-one session or in the group sessions that you've heard me advertise are coming up.
This is just more or less a conversation starter. I want to get you thinking. I actually want to pique your curiosity, if this isn't something that you are already thinking about. Or maybe you are, and I'm giving you a little bit of a different angle. I hope that you can mull over what I'm saying and know that there is a way out. There is a different way of living.
Our kids are allowed to have tantrums. And we are supposed to... Like the goal is to be able to be there to comfort them or to be with them, just be with them in their emotions. And not to have to make them feel better, take them out of it, fix it, simply by being with them. That sometimes does help them and take them out of it.
But it's when we get rattled, when we get irritated, when we start to feel dysregulated because of us observing somebody else being dysregulated, that's when it starts to escalate. It actually gets compounded. It's no longer just a child experiencing an emotion that feels really big and overwhelming that they're not sure what to do with.
They're not sure how to handle that within their body. It becomes more compounded because now it's not only them, it's also us starting to say, I don't know how to handle what I'm feeling in my body either. So my encouragement is to pause, to take some deep breaths, inhale and hold it and exhale and repeat that and do that until you start to feel more settled, until things start to feel like they're slowing down for you.
Whether it's out loud or within your own mind, remind yourself, this person that I'm with is allowed to have their emotional experience right now. I'm allowed to have mine and they're allowed to be different. I'm allowed to have mine. They're allowed to have their emotions. And we're allowed to have different experiences. We're allowed to feel different emotions in this moment, even about the same situation.
And if I can speak to your inner child for a moment, I would want that person to know, that little person you once were to know, that it is okay. It is okay that you're having a hard time right now. It is okay, it is okay that you are having a hard time right now. For those moments uou had moments when you had a hard time and somebody just wanted you to be okay. They wanted you to just snap out of it, to stop crying, to stop complaining, to get yourself together, to that little person you once were.I want you to know it's okay. It's okay that you're upset right now. It's okay that you're sad. It's okay to be angry.
I'm so sorry for any time that people said, “you got to get over it. Just get over it. Stop complaining. Stop crying”. Those are just your feelings. You're feeling your disappointment. You're feeling your sadness. You're feeling the loneliness. There's nothing the matter. There's nothing wrong with feeling those things. And I just see this picture of a wise, loving adult, a safe person that you liked, that you enjoyed being with. Whoever that person is, you can visualize them if you want to as well. Sitting down on the floor with that little person you once were and just being with you, being with that child that you were.
And I just see that wise, loving, kind adult just saying, “Hey, hey, I'm here with you. I don't mind your emotions. They don't bother me. They don't upset me. I'm comfortable. I'm comfortable with you when you're upset, when you're frustrated, when you're angry”. And I see them presenting a book and saying, hey, do you want to read this story? Not to minimize your emotions, not to help, not to just like get you over them quickly, but to actually let you know that it's not only the uncomfortable emotions that you have to sit in.
You can feel them. And then you can roll. You can pull over into joy, into connection, into being with somebody who is comfortable with you no matter what your emotional state is. That place that feels warm and inviting and accepting, not because of how we show up, but simply because we're there.
I hope your heart can know in this moment that no matter how you show up, you are worthy of love, you are beautiful, there's nothing the matter with you, there's nothing wrong with you, there's nothing broken about you. You are perfect. You are perfect. Just as you are.
[Ending] We've come to the end. What did you think about what you heard? I hope that there's something you pulled from today's episode and start implementing it into your life.
Create the change that you want to see, the change that you hear about. You have the opportunity to transform your life and I'm ready to link arms with you and to help and guide you to the life that you want to live.
If you resonated with what you heard today and it touched you, would you share it with your friends? Would you also go ahead and rate my podcast and write a written review? It would mean so much to me.
I hope that we'll connect, whether it's for a session or just to connect because I enjoy meeting new people. You can find me on Instagram, @corinne_changeradically, or on Facebook, Change Radically. You can also always email me, corinne@changeradically.com. If you have thoughts, questions, or anything that you just want to talk about, send me an email.
I hope that you have a wonderful week but no matter what your week is like, in the moments that are quiet. Maybe it's when you pillow your head at night or when you're driving in the car or taking a walk, or maybe it's going to be in the midst of the chaos with your children or the craziness of work. I hope that you'll remember how significant you are, that there is meaning and value to your life, and that I, for one, am so glad that you're alive.
Catch you again next week.
