Radically Change Your Holidays: The Starting Point

[Intro] Hello and welcome to my podcast, Empowered to Thrive. I'm your host, Corinne Powell. I'm an intuitive guide and I absolutely love helping people to heal from within so that they can create a life that they love, a life that they enjoy.

We weren't meant to just tolerate and get through life. We were meant to thrive and enjoy the life we're living. Of course, we will have seasons and moments that are difficult and challenging.

And the beauty of it is that we can be supported in those moments. I am here to be an aid and a guide to support you. And I hope that you will enjoy not only today's episode, but some of the past episodes if you haven't heard them yet.

On this podcast, I talk about all things inner wellness. We also sprinkle in some spirituality and parenting because as a mom to three kids, parenting is a big part of my life. I hope that you enjoy the episode and that there's at least one thing you'll pull from it and start to implement into your own life.

If you want to follow me in other ways, you can find me on Instagram, @corinne_changeradically⁠ or on Facebook  ⁠Change Radically. Would you do me a favor and share this podcast with your friends if you hear an episode that resonates with you? And would you also go ahead and give me a rating and review my podcast? It would mean so much to me and I would appreciate it. I hope that you enjoy the episode and that we connect.

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I'm really excited for you because I truly believe that through what I share with you, you're going to be able to start feeling lighter about the holiday season and you're going to start to be able to enjoy your holidays more. And there's holidays all throughout the year. There's birthday celebration, there's Valentine's Day and Easter and all sorts of holidays and depending on what culture you're from and what traditions you carry, you may celebrate different holidays than other people.

And I don't know for you, but I want to tell you how the holidays used to be for me. I used to go over the top about everything within the holidays and I paid for it. And I don't just mean out of my pocket.

But yes, I did spend a lot more money on party decorations and on Christmas presents and on extravagant foods, etc. But I paid for it in other ways. I was fatigued more, actually downright exhausted.

I can remember hosting in such extravagant ways for me that I would be so worn out by the end of the party or the celebration that I just didn't have any energy in me to do anything else. And perhaps you've experienced that, too. Maybe you think like I used to, that that's just how it was.

But I've learned that it doesn't have to be that way. And I used to feel like I had to buy presents for everyone and I needed to do that because it would mean so much to them and they would know that I cared about them and that I loved them and I liked giving gifts. But it became such a to do.

And again, because it was my norm, I didn't realize that I could live a different way. I remember spending so much money on party decorations for my kids and staying up till three or four in the morning just to have to get back up a few hours later because my kids were waking up and I had to prepare for the party that was that day. I remember cleaning the house in preparations for all these gatherings.

It was a lot of work. It took a lot of energy. And I can't say that I really got to enjoy the celebrations.

In fact, I didn't. So I want to share what I've learned with you so that if you resonate with anything I've said, you are going to feel like you can have a lighter, more enjoyable way of living when it comes to celebrations and the holidays specifically. So let's dive right in.

What I want to begin talking about is how to know what to say yes to and what to decline. How to know when to say yes and when to say no. It begins with knowing why you are saying yes to someone or why you're hesitant to say no if that is your tendency.

I can tell you that I did not want to disappoint people. I wanted to make sure everybody was happy with me. I wanted to make sure they knew I cared, that if I was going to go over to the house, of course I was going to offer to bring something because wouldn't that be a considerate guest? Or I would bring them a present because isn't that what a good guest does? But as you learn to not worry about disappointing people, as you become more comfortable with letting people down, it becomes easier to figure out what to say yes to and what to say no to.

So I had to actually learn to stop people pleasing, to take back my misplaced responsibility. So I was putting responsibility on myself that wasn't mine. I'm not responsible to make sure everybody is happy.

I'm not responsible to make sure everybody knows my heart, that everyone knows, oh Corinne she cares about you and because she cares about you, she's going to demonstrate it in this way. She's going to give you a present. She's going to help you out.

To sit at someone's home and not offer to help with the dishes but to enjoy sitting on the couch, that was so hard for me. It still can be hard, but I have grown so much in that area and it's come down to recognizing that if I am the guest, I should get to enjoy being the guest because guess what guys? I was acting as a partial host whenever I was the guest. So really if I hosted, I did everything and not that people didn't offer to help me but I would turn down their offers a lot because I wanted them to enjoy being the guest.

But when I would go over their house, I wouldn't let myself enjoy being the guest because I was offering to do all the things. So in no way was I ever finding a way to relax, take a break and to enjoy. So I've had to really actually put myself first instead of always putting myself last.

And I was trained, I was brought up to always put myself last. To know that doing for others and being considerate and helpful were good values. And yet they are, but if your tendency is to always do and to always help, then you're the one that needs to practice what I had to practice.

Sitting yourself down on the couch when it doesn't feel comfortable, when you actually want to be in there helping with the dishes because that would make you feel better. Sitting on the couch makes you feel like maybe they're going to start to think that you're not really helpful, that you're lazy or a whole slew of other things. You put in there what you're worried about the other person thinking of you.

And then as you think that, I want you to be aware, was that something, and this may not be the case for you, but sometimes we have heard someone say something. I know that I was trained if I watched a movie in the middle of the day, that that was like lazy. But if you watched it at the end of the day, that was okay.

So my mindset literally has had to shift and I still struggle with that. I don't sit down in the middle of the day usually to relax and watch a movie because it's so hard for me to think that that's okay. But really if you're going to take two hours to watch a movie, it doesn't matter if you make those two hours in the middle of the day or at the end of the day.

It's still two hours out of your day. Taking a break, relaxing, enjoying being the guest is all actually healthy and good. Now if your tendency is to sit on the couch even when you're the host, then this is not for you.

I'm not saying this course isn't for you. This program is for you. There are going to be things you have to hear that are going to help you.

But if your tendency is to always take the backseat even when you're hosting, then you need to determine why is that? What do you actually believe about yourself, the people that come to your home, the whole idea of it? I can't do that work for you. You have to do the work of just being willing to be more aware of what you're thinking when you sit or when you do work. And where did that originate? Where did that start? Were you applauded for being very industrious? If you did a lot in your home growing up, was that something that people said, wow, look at her.

She is such a good helper. And if that was true, that may have made you feel really good, which is fine. Kids should get to feel really good.

But we should also get to know that sitting on a couch relaxing is just as okay. There's a time for each. And it shouldn't be that it's only when your body gets to the point where it can't handle anything and you're having a breakdown that you then sit on the couch.

You should get to sit on the couch before then and actually to prevent the breakdown from happening. And I'm speaking from my own experience here too. My body shut down more and more and more to the point where I was having to nap multiple times a day and get a lot of sleep at night.

And even with that, I was still exhausted all day. So I've had to retrain my body to rest more, to say no to a lot more things and to do less. And it's been tough, but it's also been really good for me.

And it feels way lighter. So how to say yes to things. Determine even write down, why would I say yes to this? Whether it's an invitation to go to someone's house or a Christmas party, or it's the idea that you should make cookies for your neighbors or that you should buy everyone that you see over the holidays at least a little present, maybe just a body lotion or a candle.

And can I just say about that, there are some people who really truly do not want to get an extra candle or an extra body lotion. They'd actually be pretty happy if you didn't give them that. Now, there are others who just love getting presents and any sort of present is exciting to them.

But I'm just saying there are some people who really would be actually happier if you didn't just bring them that little housewarming gift. Or if you want to bring them a housewarming gift, you could ask them, if you really, really, really feel like it's something that's going to make you happy, so happy, then ask them what they'd like. Maybe they want a bottle of wine.

And you're going to bring them something that they're going to be thrilled about instead of something that they're going to regift or donate. But write down, why would you say yes? And why would you say no? Be aware of any sort of idea that you don't want to disappoint anyone or you're doing it for this other person in your family or you're doing it just because it's a tradition, it's a social norm, it's expected of you, what would other people say or think if you turned it down, what would that mean about you? 

All of these questions are going to help you to become more aware of why you're saying yes and why you're saying no and when you should change your response. And I am not trying to say that you should only do the things you ever want and you should never be kind and generous and sacrifice.

Of course not. Being kind and generous and sacrificing for other people is good. It's a beautiful part of being a human being.

But when your tendency is to do that all of the time, that is where it has to stop. You have to be able to pull back, figure out your why you're doing it and change it. So I really hope that this has helped you.

I want you to reach out to me and let me know what are your why's for saying yes to certain events and certain traditions and why would you say no. Especially the things that you feel like you don't want to keep doing. Start doing some of that inner work.

I can't do that for you. But I'm here to help you. And if you really feel like you're coming to a block and you're like, I don't know, Karine, you're making this sound simple and it doesn't feel simple.

That's where we should meet up over Zoom or in person and have even a 30-minute coaching session. It's going to help to bring so much clarity to you, I guarantee. Start writing down what are the responsibilities over the holidays or what are the different holidays and that celebrations that you have throughout the year.

What do you normally do? Why do you do it? Do you want to keep doing it or do you want to stop doing it? If you want to stop doing it, what is holding you back? Why is there hesitation? If you want to keep doing it, again, why? There may be reasons why you shouldn't keep doing it and you're going to figure that out as you do some of that inner work. I am rooting for you and I'm right here to support you. 

[Ending] We've come to the end. What did you think about what you heard? I hope that there's something you pull from today's episode and start implementing it into your life. Create the change that you want to see, the change that you hear about. You have the opportunity to transform your life and I'm ready to link arms with you and to help and guide you to the life that you want to live.

If you resonated with what you heard today and it touched you, would you share it with your friends? Would you also go ahead and rate my podcast and write a written review? It would mean so much to me. I hope that we'll connect, whether it's for a session or just to connect because I enjoy meeting new people. You can find me on Instagram,  ⁠@corinne_changeradically⁠ or on Facebook Change Radically. You can also always email me, corinne@changeradically.com. If you have thoughts, questions or anything that you just want to talk about, send me an email. 

I hope that you have a wonderful week, but no matter what your week is like, in the moments that are quiet, maybe it's when you pillow your head at night or when you're driving in the car or taking a walk, or maybe it's going to be in the midst of the chaos with your children or the craziness of work. I hope that you'll remember how significant you are, that there is meaning and value to your life and that I, for one, am so glad that you're alive.

Catch you again next week.