Navigating Tough Conversations

[Intro] Hello, and welcome to my podcast, Empowered to Thrive. I'm so glad you joined me today. I'm your host, Corinne Powell.

I help people pleasers find happiness, embrace courage, and experience peace of mind through inner child healing. If you're desperate for change and not sure how to make it happen, I'm here to guide you along the way. In this space, you'll find motivation to live a life full of joy and resilience.

We will talk all things inner wellness with spirituality interwoven at times. Being a mom to three, parenting will be a topic of conversation for sure. So happy to have you.

Enjoy today's episode. 

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Hi friends, it's great to be with you today. This episode was something that I recorded back this past summer.

And because there isn't one right way to go about having a difficult conversation, I hope that you'll hear my heart in what I share today and that you can take something for yourself to help you during the tough conversations that you might have, especially the ones where you're trying to resolve a conflict. 

Now conflicts aren't always resolved, as you probably well know, but I still feel like having communication is important, even if there's not resolution. Something I've learned recently is that being misunderstood is something I needed to get more comfortable with.

Not needing to prove myself has been something that I've more recently been able to embrace and it's really helped as I've gone into having conversations, but we're all in process. So even that has been a more recent change for me. Because I do specialize in helping people heal their inner child, that echo from your past that shows up in your present day, basically helping to heal your younger self.

If while you're listening to what I share today, you think of an underlying belief or an incident that happened in the past, which is still unresolved and causing you emotional distress, I can help. So please reach out to me and we could meet for even just one or two sessions. Many times the individuals I see find resolution within every session.

So it's not that you need to expect to come and see me week after week after week. Now of course I'm available for those that want that, but I can help you find healing and some resolution for just a specific event that has happened in your life if that's what you're looking for. Enjoy the episode.

So today in the middle of a storm brewing, hopefully, we'll see how far we get in our conversation before the rain pours. Dark clouds are in the sky, the trees are moving, wind is picking up, but I want to talk about conflict resolution, communication, and feeling rejection in relationships. I've had a couple of questions come in from a couple different people around those subjects and I felt like it'd be the great thing to talk about because don't we all have relationships that need conflict to be resolved within them and don't we all identify with feeling rejection at one point or another? 

So communication, it's key. It's not just a good thing, it's not something that, oh we just hear that all the time. No, it's really true. It's key to healthy relationships. It's key to healthy anything. And the thing is, you can't make somebody else communicate, but you can choose whether you're going to communicate. So I’m on this side of communicating too much and I'm okay with that.

You know? I mean, I'm in process, so who knows what I'll say in five years, but right now I feel like I'm not trying to create a conflict, but I'm looking to communicate because I want to be able to try to bring clarity or resolution to a relationship or to a situation. So I'd rather go have conversation about it, express what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling, what's going on for me, and ask the other party how it is for them. Sometimes within that space, you actually get to a deeper level in your relationship with that other person.

You get to know each other better. You have a deeper respect for each other or a deeper gratitude or love. And I've seen it do really, really good things for relationships.

On the other hand, the other party may not be interested in having that talk. So what can you do in that case? You know, sometimes I think it's easier to not ask to have a conversation, but just to have the conversation. But you know, other times you need to plan it.

And if the other person doesn't want to do it, then it's a little trickier because you have to, in a sense, resolve it within yourself. But I think you could still write them a letter, whether you send it or not, expressing how you feel, expressing how their actions affected you, and letting them know you want to hear their side of it too. Like you want to know how they're doing.

You want to know how it all made them feel. And I would avoid a text conversation unless there is no other way of communicating. And even in that, a lot of times you can send an audio message, so at least they could hear the tone of your voice, which would help.

And with all of this, sit and think before you have the conversation. Think about what you really feel, why you feel it. What, you know, what is their actions stirring up in you? Is it really their actions or is it your stuff coming up? And I know it's not always clear, but it just takes some time to think about it, write down your thoughts, maybe have a conversation with another good, safe person to process before you actually have the conversation with the party that you've been hurt by or having a conflict with.

And then know that no matter how it goes, no matter how they respond or don't respond, you get to choose how you're going to think about them, how you're going to talk about them to other people, and what you're going to do with their actions towards you. You get to be the powerful person who can choose to not drag their name through the mud.

Who can choose to not hold onto bitterness because what does that do? It really imprisons you. It doesn't affect them in the same way that it affects you because you're the one thinking about them and what they've done to you all the time.

You're the one letting that eat you up. And I'm not dismissing their actions. That's never my goal, but I'm talking to you. So what can I say? I can only say to you what your responsibility is, what our responsibility in relationships is to be the beautiful person that we can be. 

And you know, it doesn't mean we're not going to be angry. Being angry is perfectly fine. It's healthy. It's normal. What you do with your anger becomes the question. What are you going to do? Are you going to rage and hurt somebody? Are you going to say really mean, hurtful things? That's not going to get you anywhere good. 

You need to hit a pillow if you need to go to a separate space and scream, Hey, I get that. Okay, but we don't have to take out our rage and anger on the other person.

And I know I've done it. I've done it. You know, we're not perfect, but I'm here talking about what is the healthiest way to go through this? What's the best-case scenario? But it's also not too pie in the sky.

I mean, I'm not suggesting things that aren't doable. I'm actually suggesting things to you that I've walked out many times myself. I have communicated within relationships to help resolve conflict.

And like I said, it often does prove that the relationship goes deeper, that there's a connection and a closeness that wasn't there before, that there is a respect and a better understanding, a sense of gratitude or love between the two parties. 

But when that doesn't happen, when that isn't the case, don't blame yourself. If you did what you needed to do, you tried, you initiated the conversation, you did your part if you were able to have the conversation, you expressed yourself, you used your voice, you asked the other party how it was affecting them, you heard them, you sat there and listened.

And when you listen, please don't diminish how they feel. Please don't say things like, well, that's not true, or I don't feel that way. If they think you feel a certain way, they're entitled to think that.

You can say, I'm really sorry you felt that way because, man, that would be painful. I actually, I want you to know that's not how I feel about you. And you can do something like that.

And I'm just giving you examples to help you understand where I'm coming from. I know that these conversations don't always go perfectly. So do not beat yourself up after the fact.

Please tell yourself, affirm yourself in a positive way. Let yourself talk, be positive. Talk about what you were glad about in the conversation.

You know, the fact that you were courageous to do it, that you stood up for yourself, that you expressed how you felt, that you listened to the other party, that you're choosing to walk away and not hold a grudge against them. And again, I know that working through feelings of anger and if somebody has hurt you, you have a legitimate sense of pain there because there is a wound. I am not asking you to dismiss that and put that aside.

All I'm trying to say is you get to choose how you think of the other person. You can either say, you know what, they really hurt me and that's not okay. But I'm not going to tell everybody about how they hurt me.

I am going to do what I can do in a healthy way to maybe talk with one other safe person who's going to, you know, give you a good perspective and then also always be willing to look inside of yourself to see what it is that got stirred up in you through this maybe negative or at least difficult interaction that you had. And then, so that's like talking about communication in relationships when there's conflict and the feelings of rejection. 

So when you feel rejected, look inside of yourself and ask yourself, are you feeling rejected or were your actions rejected? Because they're two different things.

For you personally to feel rejected is different than for your actions to have been rejected. And make sure that if someone is rejecting what you did, you don't take to heart that they're rejecting you. Big difference there.

If they truly are rejecting you and they make that clear, then I would encourage you to think about what that says about you. The fact that they're rejecting you, what does that say about you? What does that mean about you? Because really, they're just choosing to not like you. Not everybody's going to like us.

But it makes you feel a certain way because you believe certain things about yourself around rejection very naturally. Those beliefs, those thoughts, those things you think about yourself around feeling rejected came from somewhere. They started out somewhere.

Where did they come from? Did someone say something to you when you were young? Did someone do something to you when you were young? And the rain is starting. So let yourself think, why do I feel this way when somebody's rejecting me? And then in that, you're going to have to choose to nurture yourself and tell yourself the things that are true. 

I am actually a beautiful person. I am a caring, compassionate person. I am not out just to please myself. And if those things are all true about you, and reminding yourself, not everybody's going to like me, but there are a lot of people who do like me.

And this one person isn't those other people, and that's okay. And I'm not saying this isn't painful or that this is easy, because it's not always easy. And it is painful.

But there are ways we can take care of ourselves in the middle of feeling things like rejection. Cry if you need to cry. Anger out if you need to anger out without hurting somebody and without hurting yourself.

Punch a pillow. Do something that's not going to hurt you and not going to hurt somebody else. But you've got to be able to release the emotions that have been bottled up inside of you if something happened a long time ago and you weren't able to process it.

And then if you have a safe person, a safe friend, someone who's going to listen to you, who loves you, who knows you, and is not going to blab to everybody else about what you're saying, and then bring them into it. 

[Ending] I want to close out today's episode by thanking you for being here with me. We've made it to the end, and I hope what I shared has been helpful.

If there is anything I've mentioned that you want to talk about in more depth, I would be so glad to connect with you. You can always find me on Instagram at @corinne_changeradically, or go directly to my website changeradically.com. Of course, within the show notes, there's other ways that you can connect with me. And if there is someone that you think would benefit from this podcast, please share it with them.

To help my podcast get more growth and reach more people, please subscribe, review, and rate it. And until next week, I'm wishing you the very best.