How do I practice self-compassion?

[Intro] Hello and welcome to Empowered to Thrive. I'm your host Corinne Powell. I'm so glad you're here.

No matter what type of day you're having, you're always welcome. I like having you around. This space is especially designed for the person who goes about life focused on everyone else while neglecting their own needs.

The person who says yes when inwardly they want to say no. The person who is frustrated at all they do because they don't receive much in return. If that's you, I'm going to put out some great ideas on how you can change those patterns and get unstuck.

Life isn't meant to be tolerated. It should be enjoyed. So let's get to it.

…

Corinne Powell: Hello friends, how are you doing? Let's talk about self-compassion and how important it is. it's so vital. When you consider the internal self-talk, when you reflect on how you think about yourself and the ways that you even perceive yourself, what comes to mind? What words? What emotions? Even what sensations do you notice in your body when you think about how you show up or how other people might experience you?

Self-compassion, if not learned, has to be cultivated. For many of us, we grow up in environments where there's a lot of criticism, there's a lot of judgment, and instead of the positive things being remarked on, it's the negative things that are brought up. If that was your experience, you're certainly not alone. I know that was my experience and it's the experience of many of the people that I support. But we have to learn now as an adult how to cultivate self-compassion, how to become empathetic towards ourself, to replace that judgmental critical inner voice that we're so familiar with. You might even think it's my own voice. And as much as that's possible, oftentimes it's a learned voice. We learn how to be critical. We learn how to be judgmental.

So think about a time recently when you've made a mistake. You dropped something, you spilled something, you did a task incorrectly. You felt the disappointment of somebody who had asked you to do something.

How was that for you? What was the inner about yourself, about the way that the other person perceives you. And as you think about it, would you say, you know, based off of my conversation within myself, pretty self-compassionate. Yeah, I'm doing fine with that. I'm empathetic towards myself. I'm very understanding. I think it's normal. Mistakes are made. We're human. Everybody makes mistakes. 

Or is the voice more of one that's shaming? Why? Why did you make that mistake? That was a silly, stupid thing to do. What were you thinking? Or the doom, the intensity of fear over what your mistake might mean.

What is it like in your inner world? And if it's lacking in empathy and compassion. Ihope that through these next few minutes, you'll start to feel the invitation to cultivate that in yourself. I was chatting with a mentor of mine recently and we were talking about just the season of life I'm in. And I was reflecting on how important it is to experience the outside voices of empathy, to experience the voices of people who actually get what you're going through, they understand it, whether they've been there or they're just really good at connecting with your emotional state and feeling into it.

And how refreshing it is and rejuvenating to feel understood, to be known. And sometimes we don't receive that from outside sources enough. And we can't do anything to change somebody else. We can try, but when it boils down to it, other people are responsible for their own change and they're the only ones who can truly make that happen.

But what we do have a lot of power over is our own choices. So if we're not receiving the empathy that we so long for, that we actually need from outside sources, we can at least be sure to cultivate and grow in having empathy and compassion towards our self. So for example, if you are walking through a difficult season, perhaps you're in the middle of grieving, or you're just in a challenging spot. 

For those of you like me that are still in the middle of summer, some parts of the country have gone back to school already and other parts haven't. And summer can be really hard for the parent. There is a voice that we need to hear, a voice that says, see what you're going through and I realize that it's really hard. I wish I could make it easier. And even though I can't do anything to fix it, I want to let you know that I do ache with you. I do feel with you. Your pain is not overlooked Your experience is very valid. Your feelings are so reasonable for what you're going through. Of course you would be feeling those ways. And what you're in the middle of is not forever. It might feel like it's forever. There may be no end in There may be no end in sight, but seasons do come and seasons go. Hard times come. They don't have to stay. They may be around for a while and it may feel like it's forever, but it doesn't have to be.

If you feel stuck and you feel like you've been stuck for a really long time and you want help, then I am here. I'm here to offer you help. This is me, Corinne, speaking to you, no longer the voice of internal empathy and compassion, but me directly to you. That really, if you've been in a hard season and you feel like this is never-ending, please reach out. I would love to come alongside and support you. I believe that hard seasons can get easier and there are legitimate reasons for seasons being hard and for seasons being long. But sometimes, oftentimes, there's also a way to make it easier and lighter and brighter.

The voice of empathy and compassion, if not cultivated for you when you were younger, will come as you cultivate a loving relationship with yourself. It will come as you show up to support yourself, meeting your own needs, recognizing when you need to step away and breathe and decompress when you need to take time to move your body or to eat nourishing food, to grab a glass of water to hydrate yourself.

Sometimes it's just literally pausing to check in with ourselves, to take inventory and to notice what is it I need in this moment and how can I support myself. That is the voice of empathy.

This will need to be something you practice to learn if it wasn't something that you were brought up being taught or that was, if it wasn't modeled to you as you grew up. If your parents or whoever your caregivers were, were not people who were compassionate towards themselves and empathetic towards you, then you're gonna be starting from this place as if you were a child. You're gonna have to learn it, a new skill. You're gonna have to cultivate it and grow it. And in that you'll become really good at it. Now, if this was something that was modeled for you and something that comes easily to you, that's wonderful. And my question would be?

What is it when you're going through a hard season. What does it sound like and feel like and look like to be compassionate and empathetic towards yourself? I would be so interested if you would be open to sharing that with me, sending me an email at corinne, c -o -r -i -n -n -e @changeradically.com or reaching out to me through social media or through another platform to let me know. Because I find it's actually easier for people to be critical than compassionate and empathetic towards themselves so if you're skilled at towards yourself and you have cultivated a deep empathy with yourself.

And I won't share it with other people. I would just be interested to learn from it. And in this, we actually create a safer environment for ourselves and for other people, because whatever is cultivated within us will naturally flow out to others. So if you had a parental figure who was compassionate towards themself, naturally they would be compassionate towards you. So I'm not talking about the parental figure who pities themself or gives themself the easy way out, that's not compassion, that wouldn't translate to them necessarily being compassionate towards you.

And as you are compassionate towards yourself and you're empathetic, you'll naturally be that way with other people. So you create a safer environment for yourself to show up however you need, because you're not gonna be the critic, you're not gonna be harsh towards yourself as you're having a hard time, as you're having a hard day. You're gonna have a response that's kind, that's warm, that's gentle. It's also gonna be safer and easier for other people to show up authentically however they're doing, because they're not gonna fear your response. They're gonna know, hey, I'm going to be responded to with a gentleness, a compassion, an understanding, a warmth. And so they can show up and be however they are in that moment without fear. That's the best way to live, to be able to feel safe within our own bodies, to be able to just be as we are, and then to have interactions with other people where they are able to feel safe and they are able to come and be as they are.

And so in this moment, if you're feeling critical of yourself, I want to leave you with a message from my heart to yours. To the person who has shamed you, who has made you feel inferior, less than. Not good enough. Dirty. Or as if there's a problem with you. I'm so sorry and I’m very angry. What they've said and how they've acted towards you is not right. You have always deserved love. You have always deserved care. You have always deserved understanding and compassion. 

I know you're doing the best, you know how. And sometimes it feels as if that's not good enough. but the best you know how to do is wonderful

Keep a heart open to growing and changing and do the best you know, and you will get yourself to a place where the best you know how is going to be different than it is now because you're going to be learning as you go.

Perfect is not the goal, showing up true and real, being honest, and doing the best you know how. That is commendable. I applaud that. 

I see, I see you've been trying. And I know your heart is good. And I truly am sorry for the times that people have misunderstood you, that they've shamed you, they've made you to think you're dirty. You're not good enough. Because you're beautiful. You're special. You're unique. And I mean that with a heart of love. I don't mean that at all in a shameful way. Sometimes we put a spin on these words and we say, you're unique. As if we're making fun, but I don't say it You're unique as in you're an individual. There's nobody else quite like you. And that's a wonderful thing.

So to that little girl, that little boy that you used to be, I offer you a warm hug, a warm embrace of safety. If you want to visualize yourself in a warm, safe embrace in your favorite spot. Where was your favorite spot growing up? Where was the spot that felt safest? the spot that felt like the place you never wanted to leave and you always wanted to go back to. That spot. If you want to visualize yourself there and in that place, with whoever was your favorite person to be with, and allow yourself to enjoy being in that spot with your favorite person, doing something that was safe, that was fun. Knowing that in that place. There was no judgment, no criticism. Nobody looking over your shoulder, making sure you were doing it the right way. You were just able to be. You could just be yourself without thought.

I want to invite you to hear the words. In that place. Who you are is good. I like who you I think you're amazing. You could visualize yourself saying those words to that little person that you used to be. You could visualize anyone that feels safe and kind saying those words to you. That who you are is I like who you are. You're amazing. And just stay there as long as you need. And when you want, you can come out of that visualization.

And that feeling that you hold there in your body, whatever you notice as you are soaking up those words. That is likely the feeling of what it is to experience self-compassion and empathy. So with that, I'll conclude today's episode and I hope that over the course of this next week until we connect again, that you'll be able to experience a little bit more compassion towards yourself. That you'll find a little bit more empathy for yourself along the way. This type of exercise can be really hard depending on what you're coming out of. So if you need support in this area, I'm here and I can help.

[Outro] We've come to the end of another episode. I'm so glad you stuck around. As you consider what you've heard, what's the one thing that especially resonated with you? What's one way you can start to implement change into your life? Too much too soon isn't sustainable.

Start small and go slow. Consistency is key. If you appreciate what you're hearing on Empower to Thrive, would you kindly leave me a review and rate my podcast? It helps a lot.

I hope you'll share the episode with a friend and come back next week. And don't forget, I'm so glad you're alive.