Living From Compassion

I'm so happy to be with you. Today on the podcast we are talking about compassion. Self-compassion and compassion in general. This is vital on the healing journey. If it wasn't modeled to you, and you dont even know where to start with being compassionate towards yourself or the other people around you then I'm really glad you're here.

I'm gonna try to break it down, I'm gonna try to simplify it for you. Compassion is connected to living from your heart. It's gonna take consideration of yourself and others. If you have a raging inner critic who likes to tell you what are you doing wrong, who likes to point out the flaws in yourself, and others. Side note -The voice that we hear, the inner critic, is often learned.- You may have had a parental figure, a caregiver, or someone else very impactful in your life, that looked at life through that extremely critical lens. We subconsciously pick it up and it's a very learned response. It's a learned inner voice. It doesn't mean that you are the critique. We can separate that critical voice from us, and say

- "Oh, I hear you but I dont need to accept and believe and agree whit what are you saying right now."

The inner critic always wanna point a finger at you, and point a finger at others and it's just that, it's a very critical and judgy voice. The self-compassion, the compassionate voice, definitely going have to challenge the inner critic. Just to give you a little bit of a back story, I used to have a raging inner critic. I was far from self-compassion, I was very hard on myself. I did things that were physically growling, to prepare myself. I needed to be prepared for whatever might come ahead. Let me just do these things now, to make sure I've got what it takes, and that I'm tuff.

And all of that might be okay, but what was fuelling was not compassion. And I looked at myself in the mirror and, automatically was disgusted with myself. I saw all the things I dislike. Doesn't matter what the scale said, I was never happy with how my body looked. That I didn't look good. That's the thing whit this, when we are critical of ourselves when we see ourselves from a critical, judgy lens, It doesn't matter how we are going to show up, you are never going to be satisfied or happy. It may not even matter how other people show up, you may not be satisfied with them as well.

 It's deep work, it's heart-centered, and it changes over time as we practice. Yes! It is necessary to practice being compassionate towards yourself and others.

And the more you learn how to be compassionate towards yourself, you will be more compassionate to others. It's how it works.

The less critical we are of ourselves, the last critical we are of others. 

Often when you hear someone saying their projection on someone else, it's based on their own beliefs about themselves. Sometimes, by listening to what somebody says you can learn a lot about how they view themselves. Some people are extremely insecure and that insecurity is masked by the needing to make themselves bigger. They try to impress other people. And honestly, it's because the inner child, that little kid that they once were is wondering

-"How do I show up? Am I good enough? Do I have what it takes? What do other people think about me? Do they like me?"

And if we dont take care of our inner child, we will forever be the adult who has these questions. Who shows up in a place where other people are, wondering these questions? We show up in our insecurity, and sometimes it's so masked that other people think

-"They're not insecure, they're so full of themselves"

No! They doubt themselves, and they're looking for validation. They're looking for someone to say

-"Wow, you're so good at that"

And they dont even realize it. This is not a conscious thing, most of the time it's subconscious. We may not realize that we're not compassionate towards ourselves or other people.

So, going on the journey, getting curious, discovering more about the way that you perceive life, the underlying, sometimes eliminating beliefs that you have... Knowing these things will help you, as you're looking to move deeper into living out of compassion.

 Compassion looks at someone, looks at itself with kindness, empathy, understanding, and genuine care.

So, somebody is crying or you're crying and it's not

-"Suck it up! Wipe those tears away." 

It pauses and slows things down, and considers

-"What it is that you're feeling at this moment?" Or "I see your tears. I feel your sadness. It's disappointing right now what you're going through isn't it?" What you've experienced is painful and it hurts deep, doesn't it?" "I'm so sorry"

It's just sitting and being in that moment with someone or with yourself. It's not needing to fix it, it will get better. That's the beauty of compassion. Compassion allows the process to move. It allows us to move out of whatever difficult place we are, into a place that feels lighter and easier. So, consider for yourself. If you're not sure, then take the next few days, the next few weeks, to consider your self-talk.

Say you drop something or you're running late, you make a mistake somewhere along the way. Maybe you just spilled a cup of coffee, a cup of water, and you just knock it over by mistake, what is the next thought? What do you say to yourself or what do you think about yourself? Is it kind? Is it gentle? Or is it agitated and fierce? Does it have no patience, no tolerance? Or is it very understanding? Is it better for you to be agitated and hurry everyone out the door, but get somewhere on time?  And I'm not saying we should be late all the time, that's not my point of this. But, we oftentimes say something it's okay and we dont always talk about what will it mean if we're somewhere at the time but the process sucks. Is that a win? I guess it's better to learn a way of leaving the house less stressed, and more emotionally regulated. Modeling something if there are little people around you, that it's different from what was modeled to you. And maybe, you're gonna be late sometimes.

So, consider your self-talk, what that inner dialogue is, and start to witness yourself, notice how are you showing up around other people, and what are you saying. Especially people closer to you, they hear the most from us usually. We feel the safest with them so we share the most with them and that means sometimes they see all the parts of us, the ones that other people never get to discover because we might feel ashamed to show other parts of ourselves to other people. We show the pretty ones. The ones we think look clean up and nice. 

Witness yourself, how are your interaction with other people? And even if it's not what you saying, what are you thinking? Nice people dont say nasty things, but they think it. Are you compassionate towards other people around you, or are you super judgemental?  Do you always see the flaws? The shortcomings? Do you hold someone to a super high standard? Because, without compassion, it's gonna be very easy to expect someone to be higher. In reality, we should always give allowance to other people who make mistakes, we should give allowance to ourselves to make mistakes. I didn't grow up in an environment where there was an allowance for mistakes, I get it! That may feel very unnatural to you, but we can always learn a new way of living. That is the beauty of the way our brains and our bodies were made. It is the best part of the healing journey? If you ask me, maybe not. There are so many good parts of the healing journey. Being able to create new patterns, and experience new growth, literally changes the structure of our brains. This is what neuroplasticity is. Being able to create a sense of safety within our body, because we start living a life different that what was modeled to us.

When we're leaving the house, learning that we don’t have to feel agitated, irritated, and scared. We can slow down the pace, we can breathe, and we can acknowledge:

-"You know what? Things aren't going the way I wanted. I wanted to be out the door, but I am gonna get where I need to go. It's ok if I'm a little bit late." 

And I wanna remind that little girl that I once was because I'm acknowledging my inner child in this process. My inner child is showing up remembering how it was getting out the door when she was little. I'm reminding my inner child that it is not like it once was. I'm ok with things taking longer. I'm ok with us being late. I'm here for you. I pause and I give my inner child a warm embrace. We take a breath and we keep the process to get out the door. I didn't experience this as a little girl, but I can offer that to my inner child now because I'm the wise, safe, and loving adult she relies upon.

If inner child work Its not familiar to you, and you're like "What did you just do there?" Bare with me! If you'd meet me 1:1 I'd walk you through it more slowly. If you do know what I'm talking about, then go ahead and practice that in the midst of your weeks.

Alright! Looking forward to next week and between now and then I would love to hear from you. Thanks for joining.