#BlackLivesMatter

#BlackLivesMatter. That's truth right there! They most certainly do. In fact, lives matter. All life.

I was named after Corrie and Betsie Ten Boom. They were Dutch women who hid Jewish people and others needing safety during Adolf Hitler’s regime and Nazism. Both sisters were sent to a concentration camp when their family was betrayed and discovered. Several of their family members died because of their heroism during the Holocaust. Actually, Corrie was the only one of her family that walked out of the concentration camp alive, having been accidently released just a week before all the women her age at Ravensbruck were executed.

As risky as it was, she believed she did what was right by helping Jewish people. Not only did she help during the Nazi regime but also for years afterwards, she aided Holocaust survivors in learning how to live again and gave people with disabilities a safe place to stay. Even though I didn't grow up studying their lives, being named after these inspiring women has impacted my life in a tremendous way. Betsie and Corrie helped teach me how to be true to love in the face of injustice and sheer inhumanity. My dad would often remind me who I was named after. I could feel honor in the way he spoke of them, and my mom had deep admiration for Corrie.

Since there will always be injustice and inhumanity in the world, we must choose how we will live our lives. I want to be someone who loves people well. This is not my intention because it’s easy but instead because it's in my DNA. It's in yours too! I am intentional to grow in love. Maybe it comes easier to some than others, but we can all grow in whatever capacity we wish if we are purposeful to do it. The moment we believe we can't [in any arena] and stop trying, we change our course.

Sometimes I feel out of place. Perhaps people believe I'm not genuine, but I am. I've observed that many people identify others by their skin color, or their ethnic background. Of course descriptions are necessary. Usually I describe people by their age, hair color/style, their vibe, or some other distinctive that I noticed. I'm not trying to be color blind. I have heard those arguments. I'm also not trying to belittle anyone or ignore an important feature. I may have created a habit of not identifying people by their skin color because it bothers me that it's so often brought up. My question has always been why. Why don't you describe someone to me in a different way? What else do you remember about that person you just spoke with? Why is the race portion this big deal?

I am married to a man who is black. I live my life with him and there are infrequent moments that I look at him and I have the thought, "Evan's black and I'm white." But, otherwise, he's Evan. My husband. People are people to me and I don't process what someone looks like compared to me in my every interaction. I do sometimes, it's just not my norm.

Until I went through my own personal experience of racial rejection I didn't realize how I really saw the world. It was a painful awakening, but I allowed it to help me learn to love people better. It began in 2010 when Evan and I started dating. We had been friends for almost 6 years and we were literally best friends by the time we decided to date. I never knew it was really possible when I heard people talk about marrying their best friend. But it's totally a thing and I highly recommend it!

Even though he and I were thrilled with our relationship, not everyone was. For some it was so emotionally painful that I wasn't even allowed into his family's home for almost a full year afterward. I represented something that had caused so many wounds. I felt the sting of rejection. Before my relationship with Evan turned romantic, his family and I were friendly. Some of us were even close friends. I wasn’t rejected by all of them. But being rejected by friends hurts even more than rejection from a stranger, because of the love that has been given a place to grow. I was pushed away and treated differently without any clear explanation. It sent me into a despairing place that was confusing, emotionally painful, and frustrating.

Evan and I didn't want to disappoint anyone but without trying we did. After months of attempting to reconcile it became apparent that nothing we could do or say, aside from breaking up, would make it better. It was during that time that my eyes were opened to the world surrounding me in a different way. While I worked in an environment that was racially diverse, there was an instance when I ran into childhood friends who I hadn't seen in a few years and I realized that they were black. Odd as my realization may sound, they had always been my friends. They weren't my black friends. They were my friends. During the many months that followed, I learned to walk in a room and scan the crowd to see how much ethnic diversity there was or wasn't. I was taught that some girls would now be upset with me because I had taken a black man from them. Other people would be upset that I dared to be with a black man or he with me! It was all so ridiculous and yet so real. Some people live in that reality, but it’s not the one I want to choose.

Here we are in 2020 - a decade later - and I'm grateful for what hasn't been stolen from me! I've become stronger, more understanding, compassionate and definitely more courageous. I would do it all over again if I needed to! I get to walk into a room and see people through my own eyes, not through someone else's lens. I can talk with a friend and not be focused on their skin color or ethnicity.

I'm not trying to say that it's negative to see diversity. As people, our heritage is important and we should be able to take pride in it. I'm not minimizing anyone's racial background or ethnicity. But thinking differently just because you are around someone who looks different than you isn't always necessary. Being uneasy or overly aware of your differences can at times be rooted in fear, trauma or a shortage of love. Don't go around assuming that one group of people is more likely to steal or commit a crime just because they look a certain way! Likewise don't assume everyone that looks like someone who's hurt you in the past will treat you the same way. It will skew your lens on life! By what I said ,I’m not trying to minimize the times you have legitimately been wronged or lumped into a category. I’m so sorry for every time you have been mistreated or misunderstood and discriminated against. In the face of injustice and inhumanity let’s walk full of love, boldly facing what comes our way and speaking courageously with our lives as a megaphone!

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Photography by Britton Felber: photographybybritton.com