It’s been 9 years since the day I said “I do” to a man I still feel like I’m dating. When he’s in the room I love being close. He’s funny, lovable and hot!
I have experienced some of the most difficult moments since we married, but I would be leaving out a big piece of the picture if I didn’t also say that I have tasted of the most beautiful times since that exhilarating day in October 2011.
Evan and I have had our share of challenges. In fact two years ago I contemplated separation. I really didn’t want to, but I had empowered myself and was regaining my identity so much that I knew I had to put my foot down. I couldn’t just use my mouth anymore. My feet had to start moving!
Many times being powerful means doing the things that are freaking hard. They are often sacrificial. I remember crying when I finally made my decision because I loved Evan so deeply and really wished we could just continuing living life together, sleeping in the same bed at night.
I had to make the hardest decision I’d ever made. It made me cringe and feel energized in tandem. I needed to choose what was the right thing for me and my family.
That’s when I moved to the in-law apartment attached to our home. We purposely went about it in a way that would be gentle on our children. I’m glad they weren’t traumatized by it.
Once I made up my mind to move my things next door I felt so liberated. I had threatened for months, but now I finally grabbed a hold of enough courage to do it! I chose for our legacy. I was no longer just saying that I wasn’t going to take it anymore. I was actually doing something about it!
I was agreeing with true love. It’s a love that calls us to more. It empowers us. It was my choice not to be hostile any longer but instead pursue passion, authenticity and depth. It was then I knew more than ever … I’m a warrior.
I have my reasons for my choices and they are real people. It was a time in my life that felt foggy and bright all together. I wasn’t confused. I was confident. I may have been unsure of things but hopeful too. I knew that my husband wasn’t what I needed to make it through life. I had lived within such codependency that I always thought I needed him to survive. Not any more.
Instead I needed a confident resilience, clarity and inner strength. Those are things no one could hand me or steal from me! Nobody could journey there and make those things happen for me. They would only be my reality if I chose to make the steep ascent towards them.
I am thrilled to say that two years later my husband and I share more depth, connection and passion than ever! We love the life we’re getting to live together (and no that doesn’t mean it’s perfect and that we’re always grinning.) We hold deep gratitude towards each other.
Evan and I have worked deliberately and intensively to get here. You can’t get somewhere without putting in effort! There is more inner work ahead, and I know that also means the euphoric moments to come will be surreal!
This isn’t just our story. It could be yours too! Whatever it is that you need relief from, or entry to, I want to send out hope that it’s possible.
Happy Anniversary, my love. I’m so glad you’re mine!
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